Lurching From Crisis To Crisis

[Friday]

I didn't know you had a diary either. I usually don't read them..... But hey, I've been reading "The Things They Carried" all weekend and THAT wasn't probably the best idea I've ever had. Maybe I'll go do some more reading.

I don't keep my trauma stuff in that one. I am trying to do the Exposure Therapy Trauma Diary stuff Link Removed, but I keep those efforts over in the private one. Private diary for past tense, member diary for present tense. Mostly. So I don't think there's anything too gnarly trauma-wise in there. It is, however, someplace I vent a lot of nonsense / work shit out / a window into my head... And thar be dragons. :peeking: :wtf: :blackeye: :facepalm: :eek: I wouldn't recommend reading it. I do, just to remember what the hell I was doing last month (because I honestly forget). Sometimes the two brain cells I've got left aren't on speaking terms, so rubbing them together to catch a spark? Just doesn't happen without assistance.

So, we kind of have 2 problems and maybe a few related sub-problems?.

Yeah... Unfortunately the stalkeryEx is just part of the ongoing drama. It makes daily life a bit cumbersome. Possible understatement. But it's more the background static on the radio. No matter what else is going on in my life, good or crisis worthy, every opportunity to f*ck with me will be taken. So limiting those opportunities is pretty key. If it wasn't for my kid I'd just leave the country. And if it wasn't for how he treats my kid I wouldn't want to deep 6 him. And have to keep deciding not to. Clearing up all/most of that static, however? Should reduce a lot of stress. I may have to simply give up and leave entirely, at least for a time. Hoping not to. That wasn't even a possibility 1 or 2 years ago. There was no way I could leave my son. But as my son gets older (teen), and my life goes more and more to crap? I'm just reminded more and more of interviews with jumpers who survived. How the moment they let go? They were falling with no way to save themselves? The answers to all their problems became crystal clear. Just because it's something I don't want to do, doesn't mean it's not actually the best course of action.

LOL. The smart thing to do & what I want to do? Are often at loggerheads.:shifty::cautious:

Assuming I can even see what the smart thing is to do! :watching::O_o: As that's not a given by a long shot. I'm rather notorious for reaching around my elbow to scratch my bum. <chuckling> Why I have a whole list of "what not to do" in so many situations. Not that! Don't do that!!! I totally did that. Not smart.

 

[Rumors]

What I can't figure out is if I'm somehow engineering all the current drama in my life, or if that's just life, and I'm sucking at it.

Gosh, me too. Sometimes I think when I insert what my needs are into a scenario is when the chaos starts. If I just go along with what everyone wants then it is just fine. The first time I express what I want or need then everything goes to hell in a hand basket. It makes me feel unnecessary, unwanted, and bad about myself because I have asked for something that has caused unrest.

 

[The Albatross]

Reading along Friday, but way over tired. I vote for cutting 1/3 of the stress... but my brain is practically numb cuz of what I've been doing lately (too much/too many commitments). Glad you're writing about it and getting feedback though. My ex stalked me and I hid (or thought I did) for 15 years but that was back in the day when it was easier to do. Imagine my surprise when 25 years later he knew exactly where I was. But it's not exactly the same as your situation, because there were by phone and brandishing a weapon threats of bodily harm as many times as I had fingers after I separated... but then he wised up and went his own way.

Post divorce I got the unpleasant surprise that he and his second wife had tapped into my credit... he had my social security number and she forged my name on some accounts when they hit a bad patch. Pales in comparison to what you're going through really. I just know that with all those situations you listed... if you got a shot at reducing the stress by about a third... do it.

Read an article this week about giving yourself permission to drop one thing of the "to do" list that has remained undone... am thinking fuzzy enough today that I can't remember much other than that at the moment, but with a back log of 80 things I think I'd consider taking aim and trying to cut that list of yours in half?