Gosh, thanks so much Gizmo, and to everyone for their words and thoughts. I was completely unaware of the passing of time until the little trophy notification arrived yesterday.
It's been a long, strange, turbulent year, and this has all come at what feels like a very pivotal point in the journey for me.
12 months ago I was relatively new to therapy (or rather, I'd wasted most of the first 12 months being unable to share anything with my T, so they didn't really count...), new to online communities (and very cynical and suspicious of them), new to talking about anything to do with myself (let alone my mental illness) and new to the whole world into which I had been so violently and irreversably plunged. Just signing up felt like an endorsement of my demise and an irrational certainty that somehow, suddenly, everyone would know "the truth about me"...
But afterall, it's not like I was ever going to post anything...
And then suddenly I was responding to posts. And then one day I'd started a diary - how on earth did that happen!
And then one day I realised I looked forward to checking my forum mesages, and to reading and contributing in some small way to the lives of others.
And now, one year later, as I feel close to what I hope is my own personal low point, I find courage and hope in the friendships I have made here, all that I have learned and gained, and the promise that here there are friends to support and share with one another 24/7, and that counts for a lot.
Thanks to everyone who makes this real.
Maddog