Made Homeless Because Of Ptsd How Do I Cope?

[LizC]

Last month, for the first time, I was triggered infront of my then partner who I had recently moved in with. He was aware that I have PTSD and why but had never seen me triggered with it. He had started trying to argue with me over something trivial and it sent me into a frienzy of fear/ flashbacks when he began shouting quite close to my face. I don't remember much but thinking he was going to hit me and breaking down begging him to not hurt me. He calmed me down and apologised when he realised what had happened, Once calm I reassessed the situation, realised i had immediately over reacted and apologised also. I thought it was all okay.

The next day, whilst at work, I was sent a text message to come and collect my things from the drive as I was being kicked out. I had no where to go, I was terrified, he refused to explain a thing. In short, after a horrific night of trying to get hold of my stuff and find somewhere to go I ended up homeless. I am currently crashing at a friends with nothing but a suitcase.
This I can cope with having been homeless before.
Here's the thing... i found out from a mutual friend that the reason he did this to me is because he couldn't deal with how I had reacted, thought that i was 'putting it on' and was worried that my reaction to his temper at the time would 'tarnish his name'. He said that I had made out that he was abusive and he couldn't deal with that.

I am really struggling to come to terms with this, particularly as I had always been very open and honest about triggers and had explained that I am often unaware of my reaction until the incident has passed. I also don't know how to move on as I really was in love and put a lot of trust in this person, being very open about my mental health and trusting that they would always be there for me despite my trauma, as they had promised.

What I really want to know is how do you come to terms with the fact that your trauma pushes those you love away and honestly seems to cause even more trauma? Is this reaction to my ptsd normal and will partners always react in such a way once they see me triggered?

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

It is difficult to find friends/partners that truly understand and accept your illness. I hope you find that in the future. I was homeless several years ago, for a few months. It is a terrible feeling. I am glad that you have a friend's place to stay at, until the situation gets better for you.

 

[Sighs]

Many people will think they understand but then realise when they finally see it that they had no understanding at all.

It is possible to find a partner who will support you but it is difficult to find.

Better to know now that he is not the one for you.

 

[sun seeker]

What I really want to know is how do you come to terms with the fact that your trauma pushes those you love away and honestly seems to cause even more trauma?

My heart aches for you. I wish I knew the answer. Some days, like today, I feel like a leper and completely hopeless. Not what you need to hear, sorry.

 

[Neverthesame]

that i was 'putting it on' and was worried that my reaction to his temper at the time would 'tarnish his name'.

And throwing someone out on their ass with no warning, makes you look saintly by comparison, yeah?

What a git.

Sorry your going through this, some people are just not good at pretending to be people.

 

[a3a2]

Last month, for the first time, I was triggered infront of my then partner who I had recently moved in wit...

HIS loss!

Glad you are at your friend's, and hopefully safe. You will overcome this, one step at a time.

 

[Stickler]

I am so very sorry that he reacted like that.

I think if Mr Weak Reed was truly committed to you?
That he would have worked it out.
He triggered you...ONCE.
Just once.

And he reacted like this to your terrified behavior?
...Really?
I find his action really bizarre, honestly.
Also indicative of an extremely shallow character.

He's so worried about what other people think that he throws out a partner that he was promising to spend his life with?

You're going to find a place to stay and get back on your feet.
You are going to find a man with the spine to love you and live with you the way you are...and that ain't him.

 

[Friday]

I am really struggling to come to terms with this, particularly as I had always been very open and honest about triggers and had explained that I am often unaware of my reaction until the incident has passed. I also don't know how to move on as I really was in love and put a lot of trust in this person, being very open about my mental health and trusting that they would always be there for me despite my trauma, as they had promised.

What I really want to know is how do you come to terms with the fact that your trauma pushes those you love away and honestly seems to cause even more trauma? Is this reaction to my ptsd normal and will partners always react in such a way once they see me triggered?

I put the shoe on the other foot, as a rule. There are things that I am absolutely not okay with, and cannot live with. Doesn't matter if everyone else in the world would be fine with XYZ, or no one, they are purely my own personal lines in the sand. Some rate simply breaking it off, others immediate separation. Since I afford myself this right to my own agency? I grant the same privilege to my partners.

If my trauma schtuff are things my beaux can't handle? I don't see that as any different as anything else about me that crosses their lines in the sand for what they can live with.

For each and every single aspect about me (and about everyone I've every dated) there's a bell curve:

Love it - Like it - Not affected by it - Dislike it - Cannot abide it

Whether that's my trauma, or their friends, or my ADHD, or their hobbies, or what I eat, or what they spend their money on, or how silly I am, or their moral compass, or my sense of humor, or their politics, or my job, or their family, or my et cetera (serious et cetera).... Each and every single aspect of my/our personalities, lifestyles, goals, has a scale of how both I the other person feels about it. Similarly, each and every single one of these areas has a priority. I may despise how my husband did laundry, but on my priority scale? That's like a -70 in how important it is to me. I hate it, but couldn't care less about it. But I can merely dislike something that has a strong priority scale, and need to call it off because of that. Same token, I may love how my husband slurps his soup, but cannot abide his hitting our child. Priorities.

Your ex couldn't handle your trauma stuff. That's fair.

Shoe on the other foot, you can't handle being with someone who would break up with you over your trauma stuff. Also fair.

Love? Isn't enough. It has to work, too.

Even if everything else works? Yep. 1 area, 1 line being crossed, is more than enough to make it stop working. Like a car can be pristine, but without the engine? (Or wheels, or wires, or whatever) It ain't gonna work. Meanwhile, 1,000 things can be wrong with the car, but none of them are important, and it runs like a dream. To me? That's what dating is all about: Lining things up. Seeing what works & what doesn't.

Is *everyone* going to react the same? Nope. We all have different priorities, and different scales of love it - can't tolerate it.

 

[Changing4Best]

I can relate on several levels. FIrst and foremost, I was homeless for 3 years. I was not lucky enough to be able to stay with a fiend. Thwen my boyfriend, who I was livcing with rapoed me, adding insult to injury, and I think he knew about my childhood sexual abiuse too.

I was partially dependent on him for my financial survival, also ended up begging in the streets too.

There are plenty of men in this world who are willing to stomach your PTSD. I am doing well now, so I think it will work out just fine for you. Just try to discuss your PTSD as early on in your next relationship. As soon as you feel safe to divulge the fact of your condition, you will want to tell the person, so that if this should happen ever again, you can recover.

Of course, don't move in with anyone until you feel totally safe and have already informed the man about your illness and maybe a description of what happened in this relationship, so he will know what to expect.

If you accept prayers, please know that I am praying for you.

 

[LizC]

Thank You all. Your messages have all been so kind and have helped me to view things from a different perspective, I feel a little less self blaming over my situation and a little more motivated to do something about it.

 

[Justmehere]

I don't think you should blame yourself at all.

Something seems very concerning that his reaction to you feeling so scared of him, and to abandon you so abruptly after this happens only once... Yikes. Something is seems very ary and it's not you.

Couples argue, and once the heat of the moment has passed, if one person knows their actions have scared someone to the point they at least for a moment feared the other would hurt them - the solution shouldn't be sudden abandonment. The fact that he responded by abandoning you, to the point of sudden homelessness, seems like a very big red flag about him.

I think it was good this happened now as opposed to later on, but I'm sorry this happened at all.