Made Progress But Now I'm A Mess

[jadebear]

My top priority today is to remain functioning. I can feel it starting to fade. I'm half here and half "there" and I have to keep pulling myself back every time I go there.

I just need to keep telling myself it will pass.

I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't work today. Maybe I should just stay home and do nothing.

 

[Nyx]

Distracting yourself could work, though. It seems to work for me. But only you know if you have the strenght today to do it. If not today, do it tomorrow and rest today. But if you're going to feel bad while doing nothing, maybe you should try going to work..

Yeah, I know, not alot of help. But maybe you'll make something out of what I wrote...

Take care.

 

[WonderingWhy]

Just wondering what you chose to do, work or home? Which ever you choseI hope you are doing

 

[cherryblossom]

'Functioning' is a good goal to have. For many people that would be written off, but I think we all know how hard it is to just 'function'. Work is good, if you can face it. It gives a purpose for the day. I'm currently off 'long term' sick from work :( I wake up every day, feeling that I'm missing some sort of purpose to my life. I feel guilty for not being at work, and I also feel sad and lonely, because I miss (most of!) my work colleagues. Plus now, I have the added worry of - will I keep my job?

Sometimes, it seems easier to hide away, but I think you just end up with more to worry about long term.

 

[Nyx]

Did your boss ask you to take this long term sick leave or did the doctor? And how long until you go back to work? Is it something fixed or for your doctor to decide?

 

[cherryblossom]

My Doctor signed me off work. I have since seen Occupational Health Doctor, who has also agreed that I am 'unfit' for work currently, timescale unsure at the moment. I have a meeting on Monday with my manager and HR, so scared what they might say! I will continue this in my diary.

Sorry jade. We seem to have changed track in your thread. Sorry.

Did you go to work Jade?

 

[WonderingWhy]

CB, Good luck. I will check your diary for updates.

 

[jadebear]

I did go to work yesterday afterall.....I had a rough day but made it through.

Sometimes I think I should take time off of work because I keep having these little fits of rage that I can't seem to control at times. I'm afraid I will get fired or even arrested. I just seem to lash out at everyone some days. I apologize to them, and they're very forgiving, but it's still not right that I do it.

But I am feeling a little more together today so far, I feel more here than there at the moment.

BTW CB, it's fine to talk about whatever you want in this thread...I'm interested in how being put off work is done anyway....

 

[cherryblossom]

Good to hear that you made it to work Jade. It's often not easy. Sometimes the easy option is to hide away. So good for you. Also glad you are more together.

I have started talking about my work issues in my diary.

I didn't really see you being offended by us just chatting, and where ever the chat lead us, but it kind of helps the forum, if we try to keep things 'on topic'.

 

[WonderingWhy]

It's often not easy. Sometimes the easy option is to hide away.

I feel paranoid. Like someone is talking about ME! lol

Just kidding. Sometimes I have a weird sense of humor. I apologize, but I just couldn't resist. :rolleyes:

 

[jadebear]

I'm not so sure I'm gonna pull through this time. I can't stand this anxious rage feeling. I've never really felt those 2 things together this strongly before.

I've been trying to take it easy, and just chill, but it's not possible. My brother called and just wanted to talk awhile. He told me he stopped taking his meds for his cirrhosis of the liver because it makes him too sick. And he was drunk and to hear him say he doesn't care that he's dying kinda made me feel almost homicidal afterwards. I felt so much rage I was shaking.

And my son called me from jail and was talking about the visit I had with him yesterday evening. I didn't even remember going to see him. I thought I visited him a week ago. WTF? I guess I'm a bigger mess than I thought.

 

[WonderingWhy]

Jadebear,
You CAN pull through. Look how much you have already made it through.
With all you have been through and you are still kickin! You are a bright, kind hearted, strong person. You just have to see it. If you are having feelings like you are so at the point of all you feel like you can take, I would certainly ask for help to get you through. BEFORE you do something you can't take back. Believe me there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with getting help when it's just too much. This world would be out one amazing person if anything happened to you.

I think you still have enough strength to get help. Don't let some no good excuse for a human take anymore away from you. That would be the worst possible thing I could ever imagine.

It's hard to say, just exchanging conversation over the internet, but it does sound to me like you need to get help like maybe inpatient until you regain more of your strength and determination to fight and overcome these horrible things that have happened to you.

Let me know how your doing. If you decide to check in to a hospital, just catch us up when YOU are ready. You are in my prayers daily and on my mind often! (((((HUGS)))))