Made Progress But Now I'm A Mess

[cherryblossom]

Use all the strength that you have to look after yourself. Give yourself a break and try to do something nice for yourself. I quite fancy curling up on the sofa with a funny movie, and my favourite chocolate (naughty!). Can you think of anything that will help you relax and 'switch off' for a while?

 

[jadebear]

I'm starting to feel much better already. I'm glad I took the day off of work and did absolutely nothing. It's what I desperately needed.

I have my next session Monday morning. I'd rather not go if I'm going to end up feeling the same way afterwards. But, I will go, I always do. My main goal is to heal, I just forget the big picture and the positives when I feel like shit.

Therapy is SO hard. I wish I would have been open and honest from the very beginning instead of wasting alot of time and money. I would have already got through alot of the stuff by now. But, better late than never.

 

[lilstar]

Glad your feeling betta jadebear.

 

[jadebear]

I logged into facebook and the first thing I saw was this quote....

Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.

How ironic that it was the first thing I saw exactly when I needed it the most. It's true too, I may be experiencing alot of pain right now in therapy, but if I quit, it will last forever.

 

[Nicolette]

It's true too, I may be experiencing alot of pain right now in therapy, but if I quit, it will last forever.

Correct Jadebear. Excellent thinking and oh so true!

 

[anthony]

I did go to work yesterday afterall.....I had a rough day but made it through.

You don't give yourself enough credit... you made progress in trauma therapy, are having its natural fallout, and went to work for the day.

Can you say... well done to self?

 

[jadebear]

Today's session was a complete waste of time and money. I just didn't really talk at all. I was prepared to ahead of time, but once I got in there, it was like my brain turned to jelly or something.

He wanted me to talk about the same thing as last week. But it made me feel physically sick to try and think about it today. So I didn't. I told him how it made me feel and said it's "normal" to feel that way. It doesn't feel normal to want to throw up just from thinking about something.

Do/did any of you ever have times in therapy where it's been a waste of time and you wish you hadn't bothered showing up for the appointment?

And did it make you feel disappointed in yourself when you had a session like that? Cause that's how I'm feeling now.

 

[Nyx]

Have patience, Jadebear. It might not be clear right now, but every session you go to is good. I felt the same way about the session I had on Saturday. I thought there was no progress because we only talked about stuff remotely related to my trauma. But Sunday it hit me full force. And only today I realized what she was trying to do. And it worked, too. Sometimes, when the patient can't express or doesn't understand what they're feeling, the T needs to take a longer route to get there. At least that's what I think.

Don't feel disappointed in yourself, you did your best. First of all, you showed up. You had the courage to do that, even with all your anguish for how it would make you feel. The fact that you weren't able to speak is a mechanism and you can't break it by yourself.

And it is normal whatever you're feeling. The fact that you felt like throwing up is a manifestation of stress. Read the article called "Stress on your body" on the PTSD forum. You'll see that most of our reactions are as normal as they get, considering the circumstances.

Take care.

 

[anthony]

Do/did any of you ever have times in therapy where it's been a waste of time and you wish you hadn't bothered showing up for the appointment?

Yes... absolutely... many. Therapists where dragging info from me and I was kicking and screaming at times to give them anything to work with. You learn by experience JB... not by just theory. Use the event to work out how you could improve for the future, but not dwell on the past event itself. Use your past to learn from and improve your present and future.

You said, "I was prepared to ahead of time, but once I got in there, it was like my brain turned to jelly or something."

Why not try and just enter therapy with a blank mind, not thinking about past, present or future, no expectations what so ever, then just take it as it comes in the session itself. You won't nail that approach first, second or likely even third time, but you will get better at it if you do your best to just empty your mind before a session and enter fully relaxed, without expectation for or against.

And did it make you feel disappointed in yourself when you had a session like that? Cause that's how I'm feeling now.

Yep... a couple of times I didn't even turn-up, and once she found me next door to the therapy building in the ice-cream shop having an ice-cream. Apparently it was common, so they always checked just in-case. So therapy began there... then we went back to her office. I was just sitting their deciding if I could go or not... as I was having a hard time at that time.

 

[WonderingWhy]

I was just sitting their deciding if I could go or not... as I was having a hard time at that time.

Wow! This from Anthony? Or is someone impersonating him? :p

 

[WonderingWhy]

Anthony,

I do have a question for you. The post I just quoted you on in my reply, got me to thinking & wondering.
How long from when you began therapy (taking your 1st step to healing) was it until you were back to your "new normal"?:confused:

 

[Nicolette]

I am betting he will say it is an evolving process WW with some pivotal (noticeable) changes at certain points in time along the way.