Male vs. female

[Nessa7]

I've only seen two therapists, and they've both been women. I think that I'll probably end up seeing mostly women. There seems to be a lot more women that do trauma-focused therapy in my area. The first place I went to automatically directs people to therapists that are the same gender.

When I was looking for a new therapist, my aunt told me that she pictures me seeing a therapist that is a woman in her fifties or older. I didn't really ask her why, but I think it probably has something to do with me having a lot of women in my life that took care of me and that I possibly might bond with a woman faster than a man.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I have real problems coping with male practitioners and always assist on being assigned to a female, I especially have problems if the exam is intimate being either physical or mental.

 

[chaotic harmony]

I have always thought that I needed a female because of abuse issues. I've interviewed many of them in my area but have really worked with only two, and those two....well...they were awful, to put it nicely. My first was when I was coming straight from being kicked out of IOP (I wouldn't talk in group, or do anything except Art Therapy.). I had no idea what therapy was supposed to be like and she took that and manipulated the f*ck out of me for 3 years. She'd have me either bring her breakfast or lunch every session (I saw her 4x a week because that's "what I needed."), she'd make me go through whatever she was into at the time with her (paleo diet, running a marathon, extreme bouts of meditation, etc), and when she needed money she would call me on Saturday mornings and tell me to come in because she "was worried about me." and then charge my insurance over $1000 of which I had to pay 20%. Her mom wound up being diagnosed with cancer, which was very stressful for her and she wound up taking it out on me. She literally screamed at me for 90 minutes because I wasn't progressing fast enough and I was putting unneeded stress on her by shutting myself down. I finally realized that I couldn't take it anymore and we parted ways.

My second female, knowing all of this about the first, wound up doing even more damage. She decided that she wanted to be my friend as well as my therapist because I don't have any friends. She, like the first, would call/text at all hours. She would cry to me about her husband and kids. She asked me for things because money was tight for her. She took money from me for visits that were supposed to be "as friends", but since she listened to my problems it put her on the clock. She was so emotionally abusive that I had flashbacks of my mother every time she yelled at me. I wound up leaving and filing a complaint with the state licensing board which is still under investigation. She continues to harass me.

I'm on my 3rd now, a man. I was scared to death to arrange my first appointment with him. I thought I was going to have serious flashbacks just being in the room with him. I vomited just before my appointment. Now, we are almost 5 months in and I couldn't be more at "ease." (I put quotes because my life is not at ease, but I am when I'm with him.) He has been just amazing. He's very thoughtful, encouraging, and understanding. I've shared more with him in these few months than I ever did with the females. I feel very lucky to have him. My only regret is not going to him sooner.

 

[heyyou]

For me, most male doctors/phycologists/phycologists are really blunt and unemotionally so it seems like they have no empathy. In reality, they do, but they're horrible at showing it. I wouldn't feel as safe with a male therapist because of that, and also because of other things. Some men could've been nicer to me at times (okay, understatement) so I've probably developed a distrust for men maybe? There's plenty of good people out there who happen to be male but sometimes it's hard for me to see that, which is kind of a problem since I'm male XD

I find female therapists and women in general, to be more sensitive and caring. Like the empathy eyes my therapist gives me definitely couldn't be pulled off by a guy the same way. Or their tone of voice. I know men are supposed to have a voice that invokes a sense of being 'protected' but I find that I feel safest and most understood with a female voice. It's gentler, kinder. I think I go to therapy to work through my pain but to also feel soothed and calm. And I can feel that way with a female therapist, but not a male. But if my therapy works, then I'll be okay with both one day.

 

[heyyou]

I have always thought that I needed a female because of abuse issues. I've interviewed many of...

Wow, I'm so sorry :( I didn't even think therapists could be so mean. They're there to help people, not hurt them. I always thought *all* (yes ALL) therapists were the kindest nicest people you could ever meet, so reading this made me sad. I'm really happy you're with someone that you feel safe with. That's the most important thing, I think, is that you feel like you can share things, be understood, and feel safe.