Managing Feelings Of Intense Vulnerability In Therapy

[anonymous]

I have a good therapist and have been working with her for a couple of years.

At the start of working with her I had a number of physical issues and was dealing with chronic pain, and much of the focus and energy of sessions needed to be directed towards managing that and dealing with the stress that the various investigations and appointments was causing me.

Once most of that was resolved we've done a lot of working on stabilization and on building up a working relationship so I can get to a place where we can work on some of the bigger trauma issues.

Instead of feeling safer the longer we have been working together, I am ending up feeling more and more vulnerable. I don't think this is to do with her or how she works, I think it has to do with the nature of the things we are moving onto dealing with.

Each time I let myself to trust her a bit more with things, I expect her to respond with not wanting to work with me anymore. The whole process is terrifying each time and doesn't get any easier.

The things that I need to be working on now, feels like too much of a risk and is leaving me feeling so vulnerable and unsafe that I don't know how to manage it.

I do intend bringing this up with her at our next session, but was just wondering if anyone here can relate and has found ways to manage it more successfully than I am doing at the moment.

 

[Crow]

Right there with you. T says it's early attachment issues and it's become as important to work on as the specific traumas. We work trauma until the attachment crap gets overwhelming and then spend a few sessions on stabilizing the therapy relationship.

 

[Suzetig]

I hear you, this is so difficult for me too - I have a very good, stable relationship with my therapist, who has been a real godsend to me but still I reach a point where shame and vulnerability bring me to a standstill. I don't have a magical way through other than to stop, take a step back and start again. My T and I have done a lot of talking about our relationship - sometimes that helps but at other times I just feel ashamed that I can't seem to get over myself and do what I need to.

I figure if I keep turning up, it'll work out in the end but it's so very hard for me to show vulnerability and it seems like really simple, nothing things make me feel very vulnerable indeed.

 

[anonymous]

early attachment issues

The gift that just keeps on giving huh?!

We work trauma until the attachment crap gets overwhelming and then spend a few sessions on stabilizing the therapy relationship.

stop, take a step back and start again

Yes, this seems to be something of a pattern here too. We work on something, start digging a bit deeper and then need to pull back and work on re-stabilizing.
Just learning to build a working relationship with my therapist does seem to be a very big part of therapy for me.

Thanks for your replies.

 

[Suzetig]

I'm sitting with very needy feelings after my session last week, I needed reassurance about confidentiality - which she was absolutely fine with but I'm realising part of me fully expected her to be angry with me for asking and doesn't know how to cope with her being accepting of me. Early attachment problems are indeed the gift that keeps on giving.

 

[watundah]

Yes. I understand. The vulnerability and trust are the crux of the therapeutic relationship. I had a very hard time trusting mine for a very long time and over the last few months I have become 10xmore comfortable with her. When I tried to analyze that the other day (because I cant take good for good without understanding * how* this could be happening), I believe it is because she is level and constant all of the time. No cruelty, no ridicule, no judging. A big switcheroo for someone who grew up with alcoholic parents. She is true to her word and each week she proved that a little more and gained a little more ground. It really does take time and constant "proving."

 

[Crow]

T and I got into a bit of a snit last session. I decided to take 2 weeks off. Never done it before. it's been a good decision. I needed the space to unravel the jumbled transference.

 

[CPT_FURY]

I'm right there with you. I started therapy a few months ago. While I do think it is helping me, I feel very vulnerable sometimes. I have let my therapist know this, and she has been gentle about it. We have been getting into deeper, more sensitive topics lately and I avoid going into great detail, brushing the surface only. I know I need to, but I never can. I start to feel very anxious and fearful. I hope to get there soon.

 

[Sandstone]

then spend a few sessions on stabilizing the therapy relationship.

How do you do that?

 

[Suzetig]

You talk about it, about your fears, anxieties, your feelings about what works and what doesn't, your fear of abandonment or of getting too close, your worry that they'll think you're disgusting, overreacting, wasting time, whatever.

I've been doing this over my last few sessions and its some of the hardest, excruciatingly embarrassing work. But I can see me feeling more secure and able to move on in the trauma work.

 

[anonymous]

How do you do that?

Pretty much as @Suzetig just said. For me it seems I'll find the confidence to work on something for a bit, but as we're working I'll start feeling insecure about the levels of trust and vulnerability involved again and find myself unable to continue on that track until we've brought it back to basics again for a bit. I hate asking for reassurance about anything, it makes me feel needy and needy=vulnerable too, but that seems to be the only way through it - my session this week is going to need to be one of these where I need to talk about the feelings that the therapy process and relationship itself is bringing up. It took me a long time to be able to do this because I was scared it would come over as criticism, so I also needed reassurance that it's okay to bring these type of things up. It's still not an easy thing to do but I think it's a necessary part of therapy for me.

 

[anonymous]

It really does take time and constant "proving."

Yes. It's helpful to read that other people have the similar experience, although I'm sorry it's such a tough battle for you all too. My T has been nothing but consistent all the way through, but every time we step things up a level with what I'm needing to work on, it feels like I need her to prove it all over again. It must be frustrating for them!