Managing Feelings Of Intense Vulnerability In Therapy

[anonymous]

started therapy a few months ago.

I hope to get there soon.

I hope you do too. A few months is not a long time, it is good that you have been able to discuss your feelings of vulnerability with your therapist already, it took me a long time to feel safe enough to able to do that.

 

[Crow]

How do I do that? Sometimes it's sitting in silence tracking body sensations and finding the courage to look T in the eyes. Sometimes it's chatting about movies and the environment. Sometimes it's asking her to tell me she's not going anywhere. It takes time for me to regain equilibrium and build back trust when it spins away.

 

[Tinyflame]

It took me 10 years to feel safe with a friend/ who's like a different type of T (different vocation), but the vulnerability came first (I fell apart). I forgot I experience that pattern though too, I guess I am even now. :wideeyed: :tdown: I only said what I had to for other reasons required, but yes it feels pretty disgusting/ embarrassing. But yes they're kind too never cruel. Soooo different from abuse. Idk if I have 'early attachment problems' but there was early neglect and lots of leaving,and alcoholism (& sobriety). My memories are scarce. I've tried to be honest though. He's leaving now too. :(

I was going to hit 'post' but I should add, I just (recently) have been able/ (decided?) to trust so it's kind of a Risk. Like jumping off a cliff. I try not to think of 'repercussions'/ doubt/ fear. Oh yes, too I identify with the needy= gross thoughts, didn't know needy= 'vulnerable'.

Best wishes to you. :hug:

 

[watundah]

That is a good point. You gain trust then it can spin away. Could be something triggers you, sometimes the T does something stupid (they aren't saints even tho we want them to be), sometimes it just does. Then they slowly plod back into our safe space.

 

[Tinyflame]

And anxiety causes feelings of distrust (I learned that).

 

[watundah]

Anxiety drives the bus!!!

 

[anonymous]

didn't know needy= 'vulnerable'.

For me, this comes from people using my needs as a child as an opportunity to abuse. Also, expressing needs can feel like advertising where your weaknesses are?

 

[Suzetig]

:rolleyes:I think that's fair comment. For me just acknowledging I have needs that someone else might be able to meet for me highlights my weaknesses and puts the other person in a place of power which definitely means I'm vulnerable. I think because my needs were very exploited as a child and teenager by people that should have been trustworthy.

I'm just realising how hard it is for me to eve identify when people are treating me badly - it's not the first time I've laughed along when someone is actually being quite cruel to be. In fact I found myself recently using my T relationship as a marker, ie my T would never say that to me so it isn't ok for someone else in a similar role to do it either. Cue lots of needy anxious feelings about T...

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm just realising how hard it is for me to eve identify when people are treating me badly - it's not the first time I've laughed along when someone is actually being quite cruel to be. In fact I found myself recently using my T relationship as a marker, ie my T would never say that to me so it isn't ok for someone else in a similar role to do it either..

I think that's smart. ^^

I'm not sure, when I fell apart vulnerability wasn't a choice but one of the consequences. I do think for myself vulnerability can feel like a sitting duck/ fearful/ foolish, but asking for help for my needs means I also have to think of myself as worth those needs or myself of worth, to be able to have the courage to ask, to stomach going against feeling I am not worth it am a burden, selfish +/or assigning too much value to myself, & the risk of rejection (reinforcing my fears of no value, also confirming how foolish I am, so therefore pride too).