Other Managing PTSD within current political climate

[Muttly]

I appreciate all the replies. I have read them and appreciate them. And send support to anyone who is also struggling.

There’s legal.
There’s quasi-legal.
There’s getting it done.

heh, yes. And my brain has churned away at this.

I have an idea on getting it done. Obviously we are not at that point, but I think my idea would work. I can't really tell what Tat thinks.

As far as legal, *maybe* there is a way. I was born in a different country. I am now trying to see if I can change the gender marker on my birth certificate.

RIGHT SIZE your fears.

You do not live in a country where it is illegal to be gay/trans.

You live in a country where you are afraid it WILL become illegal. <<< That’s a valid fear.

This was helpful to hear and remember.

With both dogs having issues, I have prioritized limiting my news. Life is a lot and I'm mostly focused on the now. I'm slogging. The stress has piled up and I am sick again.
oh well.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

Just a note of solidarity. I hope it all works out @Muttly. I hope you can get a passport.

I do want to just drop this here, not aimed at the OP but just something to note for all. In the first 2016 run, I was one of the people in the US who decided F-no. I left. I know so many people who said they would move abroad, but I’m the only one I know who actually did. I live abroad now. But if you are an American … you still pay taxes. You still vote. You are still connected, and because of the ubiquity of American politics, the politics don’t actually disappear. It’s also a sport in other countries to hate Americans, and that’s exhausting.

Everyone should make the choice that’s right for them. But moving abroad turns out, at least for me, to not have been the panacea I wanted it to be. Just something to consider.

 

[Friday]

I can't really tell what Tat thinks.

That’s why we ask. The people we love & care about.

Unless we DO already know, and know they would never agree …until, unless, if… it was real. But now? (Then, having missed our chance in the past). There’s no time, to do what needs doing. So we plan for contingencies (now) that break the hearts of those we love (for later). And suffer the fallout if they ever find out, before it’s needed. Of course, if/when needed? They’re screaming rejoice to the skies, and loving is the much more for it, or, utterly dejected at the lies and refuse to escape & die. Depending on the person we love. Whether they’d be thrilled at the foresight, or wounded by the omit.

It’s NOT an easy thing, nor to be taken on lightly.

PERSONALLY? I tell the people I love, and go for conflict now, rather than life or death later. Because if conflict now ends us? It hurts less, to know they’re dead, later. And I’m a big old baby about pain. Studiously avoid.

But it’s not fun.

Telling someone something they don’t like… to the degree of ending our relationship, together.

 

[scout86]

PERSONALLY? I tell the people I love, and go for conflict now, rather than life or death later.

This is the big take away message from my marriage. I didn't want to cause trouble, didn't want to be a problem. It wasn't that bad, I could deal with it........until I couldn't. It would have been more fair, to both of us, to have been more honest and less accommodating. In your case @Muttly , I'll bet an honest conversation will be a good thing, this positive results, and you'll both be glad you had it.

 

[Freida]

where the gunfight happening 2 squares over, isn’t about you… i

So we were sitting in one of the town squares - about 50 people there just hanging out with their kids and what not. Suddenly someone set off a firework -- BANG! What blew me away was that I was the ONLY person who reacted to see what it was and where it came from - assuming it was a gunshot.

No one else even noticed, because they assumed it was just a firework so they didn't take it as a threat.
Violence is very rare and gun violence is almost unheard of, unlike america where it's assumed to be shots fired until proven otherwise. We are the ONLY country in the world that starts teaching kids in kindergarten that someone is going to come into their classroom and shoot them at any time, and they will practice these active shooter drills on a regular basis in every grade for their entire school lives. Gun violence is just an accepted part of our culture. I rarely made it thru a shift without taking a call or nine about shootings and I live in a fairly safe town.

It's typical American arrogance to assume we have it "better" than other countries and now with the rise of Nazism and fascism and racism here? That's a level of anxiety and drama I'm no longer interested in being a part of.

 

[No More]

The active shooter training in US schools is slightly mind-blowing for me in the UK.
Gun violence really is very rare here. I doubt most people outside of the countryside have really ever heard gunshots or would be able to recognise it in amongst background noise.

Our problem is knife crime. But to be honest, if you mind your own business & have a shred of common sense you are exceptionally unlikely to be caught up in it.

@Freida have you ever considered some parts of Europe? It’s not all roses but on the whole it’s pretty decent over here!

 

[Freida]

@No More yep - we had always planned on going to france. Panama ended up being a huge surprise LOL

France is still on the list but right now they are having a lot of the same political challenges that the US is having so we are holding off until things settle down. Plus the visa in Panama is the best one I've ever seen! It's a retirement one that gives permanent residency in 6 months and offers discounts on just about everything you can imagine - food, entertainment, medical, blah blah blah.

Figure we will get that one first then when the world gets over this current bout of nonsense we will head over to europe. We plan on just traveling for a couple years before we decide what to do next but I like the idea of residency outside of the US to fall back on if necessary

 

[Friday]

Our problem is knife crime. But to be honest, if you mind your own business & have a shred of common sense you are exceptionally unlikely to be caught up in it.

Knives & fire (including bombs, in the fire bit, even though that’s the narrower end of the fire as a weapon scale).

The unattended bag thing? Doesn’t exist in the US, except in airports… and even then it’s assumed to be entitled assholes, or distracted travellers, rather than immediate threat to life.

If you look up the stats? PER CAPITA, there’s the same amount of violence in the US & UK. The difference are the weapons used. Similar comparatives exist across all of western/Eastern Europe. (I know, I know, that’s an old and largely inaccurate description. But I’m old. And laws/cultural norms take few generations to shift.).

That’s reeeelatively true in most tiered countries/stratified areas within a country. People tend to exact the same amount of violence on other people, depending on how desperate they are. The more desperate, the more violent.

 

[Muttly]

Thanks. Tat and I have talked about most of what is going on. The only thing we haven't talked through fully is the worst case, get out of the country any way we can, scenario. I have tried to have a serious talk, instead just cracking jokes that he's let pass as jokes. He's had a lot going on and now the flu. I will talk this through with him at some point.

He is the one, when I talked about some of the worst case scenarios for me, (the basically make it illegal to be trans) who said that if it comes to that we will leave the country. I know I have some support.

For those who are urging me to get help and try to get my documents, I can't right now. It's a long thread by now, so I understand missing it. With the current executive order, I literally can not get a passport. I may have found a work around. I have reached out to the country of my birth (I was born abroad as my dad was in the army) to see if they can amend the gender on my birth certificate. We shall see how that goes.

 

[scout86]

For what it's worth, I was listening to "As It Happens" the other day. (A radio program based in Canada.) They interviewed an immigration lawyer from Montreal. She said that she's had a big increase in inquires from the US. Mostly just looking for information at this point. She specializes in gender related issues. So, there are other people out there in the same boat, but better yet, there are people out there preparing to do some problem solving.

 

[zaniara]

I've been ill this weekend, so am a bit mushy in my brain and can't cope with reading so much here, but finding this thread gave me a sense of relief. I've felt an increasing sense of need to vent things with you who understand ptsd too, in this strange period in history. My country Sweden have been struggling with gang related crimes, and since the gangs have really lost all sense of decency and proportion there have been a A LOT of bombs and shootings these last two years. And innocent people have died too. The gangs use kids, under the age of 18 but preferably under 15 (since they are easier to manipulate and can't be sentenced to do jail time) to do there dirty work, so these kids have done terrible mistakes too. Blown up the wrong apartment, shot the wrong person etc.

The new government is all about wright-wing politics, and making life harder for poor people and blaming the immigrants and making the richer richer and building more prisons and giving harsher sentences (to young people who don't even care if they die or live?). So it's been and is rough. And it will only get worse. Food prices are through the roof, and rent-prices too. And all time high unemployment. And oh, Musk is fighting to override the union and our work laws (and he's been doing so for over a year).

And now all this crazy stuff happening in middle east and in USA (I'm praying a lot for you) and Russia sabotaging and threatening us every week (their unregistered ships causing damage to cables etc.) and now the president siding with Putin, who dream of taking bigger parts of Europe than he already has. SIGH.

But you know what.. I feel a lot of hope too! I might be dumb, but I see so many people reacting in healthy ways, getting engaged and sharing stuff on social media, and boycotting, and signing things and people sharing each other on from different sides of borders being more loyal to human kind than to their government and country. That make me happy and hopeful!

It's like human kind have been sleeping, being dozed of from social media, junk food and "luxury" (spending like there is no tomorrow or no planet in 100 years). But this movement of people staring to wake up from their slumber because they are frightened by what is happening IS a good thing. Is it only me, or can anyone else see and sense the same thing?

We, the "small" people are powerful if we unite. And these big "oligarchs" have NO power at all if the consumers get too angry to support them. They are small men, and weak, and they have had too much power (we have given them that) for too long. I hope and pray a change is coming. (sorry it got so long! I've been too lonely for too long.)

 

[zaniara]

@No More yep - we had always planned on going to france. Panama ended up being a huge surprise LOL

France is still on the list but right now they are having a lot of the same political challenges that the US is having so we are holding off until things settle down. Plus the visa in Panama is the best one I've ever seen! It's a retirement one that gives permanent residency in 6 months and offers discounts on just about everything you can imagine - food, entertainment, medical, blah blah blah.

Figure we will get that one first then when the world gets over this current bout of nonsense we will head over to europe. We plan on just traveling for a couple years before we decide what to do next but I like the idea of residency outside of the US to fall back on if necessary

If you (or anyone else of you all) come to Sweden you are welcome if you need a bed or want to get a guided tour.