Relationship Manipulation Of Ptsd Sufferers

[Jensen]

I am being drawn to conclude that PTSD sufferers may be more open to manipulation than non sufferers.
Can anyone dispel or support this conclusion.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Actually I believe it can go both ways, some are less empowered while others such as myself manipulation becomes part of maintaining a comfort zone that fits within my hypervigilance. I have a friend who also has PTSD and she often gets manipulated by others who later end up hurting her. While she has learned to be less trusting unless people earn it, she still allows it to happen sometimes.

 

[Fadeaway]

I think it depends in what area as well as the type of trauma. I consider myself a very skeptical and non-trusting person in some areas. Some ares I can be a total sucker. People like sales persons or authority figures types make me very cautious. In friendships and relationships however, I am probably more vulnerable to manipulation.

 

[Rani G2]

I have been always very private about myself. Not sure about the stronger responsiveness of those with (Depends on the type of trauma and social environment) Trauma. The “trusting“ thing is a difficult thing to me, How much am I going to lay open, do I cooperate? Am I worthy enough even though I might not fulfill someone's needs? I pay a price though for being so distant.

I dont help too much, if people are not thankful. I was onced asked to help out with moving out things from a house, I said yes but told very clearly that I am going at a certain time. They werent very amused, but thats not my problem. My partner thinks I come across arrogant, which is actually fear of getting used. I protect myself.

 

[ms spock]

I have trouble with both - I manipulate to never get raped and tortured again - I am so naive and gulliable and get so exploited by people sometimes.

 

[Rani G2]

@Spock Do you feel, this exploitation happens, because you fear others judgement? If you dont meet upto their necessities, they will abandon you?

Mine is more the realization, that not everyone is going to use me.

If too personal...sorry...just leave it unanswered.

 

[The Albatross]

Well it didn't take me too long in therapy to understand that coming from a place of dysfunction, I was drawn to familiar situations/people and that it lead to consequential subsequent traumas. People have a subconscious/unconscious draw toward the "familiar"... it took a lot of work to break the cycle.

A former mentor called it a "broken people picker". In a very basic way she was right. A lot of it had more to do with my own security in my social skills, abilities to choose or decline people or situations, and the way I was brought up (i.e. not being allowed to say "no" would be one right off hand in my upbringing). (?)

 

[The Albatross]

"Manipulation" can be overt/covert... conscious or subconscious (i.e. schemas or behavioral). On a base level though, I decided/concluded that most people are not necessarily pressed to self examine if they are perceived by me to be "manipulators"... though, I (if I desire to reduce risks or avoid unwanted situations or consequences) do.

Just where my head went today, dunno if it's helpful.

 

[desiderata310]

This is a bit of a thing for me and the issue of trust is at the forefront of my interactions with my therapist and with another person. I'm struggling with it right now.

I think when you start talking to CSA folks there's already a great deal that has happened as far as manipulation is concerned.

For me a lot of what happened was because I trusted someone and was manipulated into doing something that I wouldn't have before. Now that I am aware of that? I have to say that my spidey sense go crazy when I think someone might be manipulating. (I know I am using trust and manipulation interchangeably but for me they are flip sides of the same coin almost so hopefully that doesn't confuse things)

I am most likely to be injured if I allow someone to convince me to go against what I feel is safe. I have already started viewing anything that resembles that as manipulation.

This is an extreme case but it illustrates the point: there's a guy I know from high school who reconnected with me via Facebook. He took a couple of wrong turns and he's been homeless for a couple of years and has been fighting meth addiction. I say fighting but I think I really mean, choosing to stay meth addicted. There have been a couple of conversations of late that I've had with him (text and phone. I refuse to see him till he's completely clean) that have left me feeling very angry and scared and well... triggered. (yes, I am definitely using that term appropriately) After thinking back over what was said, I realize that it was because he had indeed been trying to manipulated me emotionally. I can't deal with that even on a small scale. Now that I can see manipulation I don't just run from it, I sprint.

With my therapist I realize that something he said recently was framed in a rather manipulative way. I MUST trust. If I didn't trust him THEN we couldn't make headway. (this is all something I'm putting together in the last little bit) it's left me feeling pressured and manipulated and angry because I've had that language used on me before. Telling me that I have to have this kind of... emotional state or connection with someone or nothing is going to work was usually followed by eliciting a promise from me that would turn result in my physical/psychological pain that I would be unable to extract myself from because of my promise (I take promises very seriously)

Long story short, I am more sensitive to manipulation.

 

[The Albatross]

Well said Desi, and there is a reason for why we are more sensitive - because of our experiences. Depending on degree, I trend to keep to the middle to avoid "either/or" however in your scenario I think you made a really solidly good decision.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I know for me I am very hard to manipulate, I tend to do the manipulation to maintain my comfort zone as part of my hypervigilance. But I suspect for each person how they respond to manipulation really depends on their history both generally as well as with Abuse. I suspect if you asked this question of 100 people you would get 100 different answers.

This may be an opportunity for you to look at the issue more closely in therapy. I know for myself I am having to do that, except for me its addressing my hypervigilance that causes me to manipulate.

 

[Jensen]

Hi @recoveringfromptsd,
I found your reply quite illuminating, thank you, particularly with regard to your reference to hypervigilance, which I know only too well.

"becomes part of maintaining a comfort zone that fits within my hypervigilance."

Would you please expand a little on the connection for me?