Good thread and very interesting to see all the different perspectives!
My experience with pot was a great one. That was until I reached a point in my use where I became dependent (both mentally and physically).
When I first started smoking at 13, I used recreationally because I could only get it when someone older had some. I loved it from the start because I, number one, felt great and had no more symptoms from my unknown mental disorder. By 16 I was buying my own and couldn't get enough!! I finally felt like I had a grip on my life and didn't feel like I wanted to commit suicide. I felt "normal". I felt more empowered and felt like I fit in and made good decisions for myself. I also felt responsible for my actions and took measures to not hurt anyone or anything.
Pot was my healing on an emotional and physical level. I got more done, was less confused and less manic or depressed. I felt more focused and had fewer panic attacks or days and days of tension and confusion. I couldn't ask for anything more. I never had a wreck or was pulled over by the cops while high on pot. I have never been arrested and only sold pot to get mine at a reduced price.
After each trauma I experienced (rapes, held against my will, suicide attempts, cuttings, etc...) the pot became my only avenue to sanity. I often stated that if the doctor's knew what was wrong with me they would give me the meds. They didn't know, so I smoked pot. It helped me in so many ways.
It stopped working like it did in the beginning and I found that I had to stay high longer or smoke a higher quality to achieve the same results. Had I built a resistance? Years later I found myself emotionally tied to smoke. I smoked every day, sometimes all day, but at least once when I woke, once while driving to work, once while on break, once at lunch, once while on another break, once while driving home, and then all night until I went to bed. This went on for many years. Unfortunately, it stopped working and I found that if I combined it with other things (heavier drugs and alcohol) it would work again. I never over did the other stuff, just enough to kick in the benefits of the pot.
One day I was 36 and realized that I couldn't do anything in life without smoking one first. That meant dealing with my emotions, my daily tensions, my disappointments, my joy, anything that required me to feel. I decided that my life was unmanageable and that I was dependent on the pot to handle my feelings, good or bad, and had therefore become numb to life. I didn't have any symptoms of my mental disorders because I could no longer feel. I decided to try to quit.
I am only speaking for me when I say that I DID have physical withdrawals when I stopped smoking pot. I had sweats, anxiety, nausea, shaking and trembling, terrible headaches, vomiting, loss of appetite, dizziness, blurred vision, messed up bowels, and confusion. This lasted about 30 to 45 days and was very noticeable by myself and others. I am now on prescribed meds (I went through hell to find the right mix for me) and they work better than the pot did unfortunately. I say unfortunately because I still would LOVE to get high. I haven't smoked in 14 years and there isn't a stressful day that goes by that I don't think about firing up a big one!!
Did I justify my smoking? Your damn straight I did! I had finally found something that worked and I didn't want to give that up. I didn't want to go through the suffering of finding something else that would work. I was stubborn and felt that I had every right to use God's creation of nature. I did use, and it did help. I stopped because it stopped working like it did in the beginning and I spent many years after that chasing that original buzz that worked.
I never found it again and got tired trying. The Rx's I take keep me in balance without the buzz. I still feel normal and able to work through my stress and daily drudgeries because I worked on the cause of my use. If I had done this in the beginning, I would have saved A LOT of time and money. Do I regret? Sometimes, but it takes what it takes to make you see that the quick and easy way is not always the healthy way. I choose to be free of my baggage instead of just smoking to get rid of the anxiety and symptoms of the past.
My experience with pot was a great one. That was until I reached a point in my use where I became dependent (both mentally and physically).
When I first started smoking at 13, I used recreationally because I could only get it when someone older had some. I loved it from the start because I, number one, felt great and had no more symptoms from my unknown mental disorder. By 16 I was buying my own and couldn't get enough!! I finally felt like I had a grip on my life and didn't feel like I wanted to commit suicide. I felt "normal". I felt more empowered and felt like I fit in and made good decisions for myself. I also felt responsible for my actions and took measures to not hurt anyone or anything.
Pot was my healing on an emotional and physical level. I got more done, was less confused and less manic or depressed. I felt more focused and had fewer panic attacks or days and days of tension and confusion. I couldn't ask for anything more. I never had a wreck or was pulled over by the cops while high on pot. I have never been arrested and only sold pot to get mine at a reduced price.
After each trauma I experienced (rapes, held against my will, suicide attempts, cuttings, etc...) the pot became my only avenue to sanity. I often stated that if the doctor's knew what was wrong with me they would give me the meds. They didn't know, so I smoked pot. It helped me in so many ways.
It stopped working like it did in the beginning and I found that I had to stay high longer or smoke a higher quality to achieve the same results. Had I built a resistance? Years later I found myself emotionally tied to smoke. I smoked every day, sometimes all day, but at least once when I woke, once while driving to work, once while on break, once at lunch, once while on another break, once while driving home, and then all night until I went to bed. This went on for many years. Unfortunately, it stopped working and I found that if I combined it with other things (heavier drugs and alcohol) it would work again. I never over did the other stuff, just enough to kick in the benefits of the pot.
One day I was 36 and realized that I couldn't do anything in life without smoking one first. That meant dealing with my emotions, my daily tensions, my disappointments, my joy, anything that required me to feel. I decided that my life was unmanageable and that I was dependent on the pot to handle my feelings, good or bad, and had therefore become numb to life. I didn't have any symptoms of my mental disorders because I could no longer feel. I decided to try to quit.
I am only speaking for me when I say that I DID have physical withdrawals when I stopped smoking pot. I had sweats, anxiety, nausea, shaking and trembling, terrible headaches, vomiting, loss of appetite, dizziness, blurred vision, messed up bowels, and confusion. This lasted about 30 to 45 days and was very noticeable by myself and others. I am now on prescribed meds (I went through hell to find the right mix for me) and they work better than the pot did unfortunately. I say unfortunately because I still would LOVE to get high. I haven't smoked in 14 years and there isn't a stressful day that goes by that I don't think about firing up a big one!!
Did I justify my smoking? Your damn straight I did! I had finally found something that worked and I didn't want to give that up. I didn't want to go through the suffering of finding something else that would work. I was stubborn and felt that I had every right to use God's creation of nature. I did use, and it did help. I stopped because it stopped working like it did in the beginning and I spent many years after that chasing that original buzz that worked.
I never found it again and got tired trying. The Rx's I take keep me in balance without the buzz. I still feel normal and able to work through my stress and daily drudgeries because I worked on the cause of my use. If I had done this in the beginning, I would have saved A LOT of time and money. Do I regret? Sometimes, but it takes what it takes to make you see that the quick and easy way is not always the healthy way. I choose to be free of my baggage instead of just smoking to get rid of the anxiety and symptoms of the past.
