My husband used to work in the armed services and I believe he suffers from PTSD. He is emotionally unavailable and takes his agression and anger out on me verbally whenever he is in a low mood. He keeps making excuses all the time for not socialising with people so I end up going to things on my own. He has trouble sleeping and says he only has nightmares. I have talked to him about PTSD and he says that he undoubtedly has it but refuses to seek help. The problem is that the mood swings, negativity and antisocial behaviour is dragging me down. I am seriously considering leaving the relationship because it is so confusing and sad to be around a person like this all the time particularly when you can't predict their behaviour. The problem is I keep hoping that he will get better. Does anyone have any views on what can be done? The worst bit is that he is reapplying to return to the armed services and I believe that this will only make things worse.
-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
General Marital Problems PTSD
- Post starter BF101
- Start date
- Status
Hello Bf101:hello:I can sympathise with your predicament:Hug_emoticon:it is not easy. Your husband firstly has to get diagnosed professionally and want to and then to find a theapist if he has ptsd that deals with this, but he has to WANT TO, it is not going to get better with out some form of help, and YOU need to lay down some boundries as to what behaviour you will accept and what you won't while he is experiancing what he is. You can learn heaps on here as to what your husband is feeling and going through but you can also get understanding for yourself as to what you are enduring bacause of it. You would think that by going back into the armed services that it would make him worse but he is probaly very comfortable there and more than likely feels like a fish out if water at the moment. Beat wishes to you both but take care of YOU as well.:smile:
- Post starter
- #3
Marital problems contin
Hi,
Thanks for the feedback. I have been seeing a therapist because I couldn't cope with his hostility and mood swings and things came to a head over a ridiculous incident - it was terribly confusing. I have started the process of setting boundaries but it is the lack of emotional connection that is also soul destroying. I feel as though I am at a crossroads - do I continue with someone who won't get help? Will his problems get worse when he returns back to his old job - do I take the gamble? When he is being nice I hope for a return of his old self and cling to that hope and how nice he is being for the moment.
Hi,
Thanks for the feedback. I have been seeing a therapist because I couldn't cope with his hostility and mood swings and things came to a head over a ridiculous incident - it was terribly confusing. I have started the process of setting boundaries but it is the lack of emotional connection that is also soul destroying. I feel as though I am at a crossroads - do I continue with someone who won't get help? Will his problems get worse when he returns back to his old job - do I take the gamble? When he is being nice I hope for a return of his old self and cling to that hope and how nice he is being for the moment.
Hi 101,
Welcome to the Forum. You're in a good place for ideas and input to problems. Unfortunately, if your husband has PTSD he will not get any better until he admits to it and asks for help in dealing with it. I can say from long experience that the behaviors that are bothering you now will continue, unchanged for the most part unless they get worse, until he starts to deal with the PTSD issue, if that's the problem. I agree with Pebbels that he would likely be a lot happier back in the service, around people, things, and emotions he is comfortable with. I know a few Vietnam vets who had PTSD for fifteen years while they were in the military, and had no problems with it until they retired from the service. You're between a rock and a hard place, because you have to decide what you want from your life and your relationships.
I wish you the very best in whatever you decide to do.
Pat
Welcome to the Forum. You're in a good place for ideas and input to problems. Unfortunately, if your husband has PTSD he will not get any better until he admits to it and asks for help in dealing with it. I can say from long experience that the behaviors that are bothering you now will continue, unchanged for the most part unless they get worse, until he starts to deal with the PTSD issue, if that's the problem. I agree with Pebbels that he would likely be a lot happier back in the service, around people, things, and emotions he is comfortable with. I know a few Vietnam vets who had PTSD for fifteen years while they were in the military, and had no problems with it until they retired from the service. You're between a rock and a hard place, because you have to decide what you want from your life and your relationships.
I wish you the very best in whatever you decide to do.
Pat
- Post starter
- #5
amethist
VIP Member
Hi BF101
I agree with pat here you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. no matter what you do you will be hurt but and this is a biggie you have to do what's best for you. No one can tell you it will be fine because it won't not yet. Set a time limit for both of you and if he wont try and get help and see what is going on around him then you may have to make one of the hardest decisions in your life so far.
I was very lucky that my husband listened and acted on what was happening to him and also trusted me to get him the help he needed but it took a lot of hard talking between us to do this. He also knew if he did not do something about his ptsd he would be out no questions no nothing finished. I was terrified of doing this and in the end i did not have to but i would have done for my own sake.
Good luck and keep strong
Amethist
I agree with pat here you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. no matter what you do you will be hurt but and this is a biggie you have to do what's best for you. No one can tell you it will be fine because it won't not yet. Set a time limit for both of you and if he wont try and get help and see what is going on around him then you may have to make one of the hardest decisions in your life so far.
I was very lucky that my husband listened and acted on what was happening to him and also trusted me to get him the help he needed but it took a lot of hard talking between us to do this. He also knew if he did not do something about his ptsd he would be out no questions no nothing finished. I was terrified of doing this and in the end i did not have to but i would have done for my own sake.
Good luck and keep strong
Amethist
Hi BF101
Welcome. I'm glad to read that you are seeing a therapist. I can relate to some of the incidents you describe in your posts. It's unfortunate but true, you can't make someone go to therapy.
Keep exploring your limits and then set your boundaries. I know that this forum helped and educated me quite a bit. Be sure to take care of yourself.
Shoka
Welcome. I'm glad to read that you are seeing a therapist. I can relate to some of the incidents you describe in your posts. It's unfortunate but true, you can't make someone go to therapy.
Keep exploring your limits and then set your boundaries. I know that this forum helped and educated me quite a bit. Be sure to take care of yourself.
Shoka
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
