I question if I do though. After all, I chose to marry him a part keeps telling me and that I chose this path. He mimikes how my father once was but minus any physical crap. I know I know, emotional can be just as bad but to me, it its familiar. Any time I'm triggered, especially when arguing, the floor sinks, I become enraged, and can even black out and run. I've told him how it makes me feel but it always ultimately becomes me fault. See he refuses to acknowledge he has struggles himself with mental health and "I don't need to pay someone to listen to my problems. Your my wife, you should be the one I can talk to, who can make me happy." Yes, I've told him I nor anyone else can make him happy. He needs to be the one who wants to be happy. He did NOT like me saying that at all. It blew up in my face. Even tonight as he fixed my car he was breathing so laboured and does everyday. I nicely asked if he was ok really just out of concern and he got angry. He's overweight and suffers from Asthma. He calls himself fat and knows he needs to take better care of himself but, doesn't do anything about it. I've approached the topic of seeing his Dr making sure it focused on caring for him but it was never received the way it was intended.
If I decided to go I've been told in different contex, he has no one. Both his parents are deceased, and much of the extended family. He has a brother whom he speaks with but not the sister. Guilt. Lots and losts of guilt on my end. Ultimately, I sacrafice and the child part takes over and negative everything screams throughout my head. That's it in a nutshell.