Relationship Marriage On The Rocks

[yonkers]

My husband is currently deployed and has been gone his November 2010. We have had our ups and downs through out this deployment but overall we did great. We were so strong and never once took our fights too far. My husband has two weeks left before he comes home, he has already started his journey back. For sometime now I thought he might have PTSD and have been researching and gathering as much information as possible. Whenever we would talk he would be so excited to plan our anniversary and the vacations we will be going on. He recently tells me that he hates me, I bring him no happiness and he wants a divorce. I bend over backwards for this man and would give anything to make him happy. It's so hurtful that I have been the only person there for him. I tell him that is hurtful and he continues to bash me. I have been so excited for him to come home, but now I feel so broken to the point where I don't even want to see him. He constantly flip flops from hating me to loving me and this whole deployment. I need help and if anyone has any suggestions I am willing to take whatever you have to offer.

 

[Army_Brat_88]

Yonkers:

Two books I *HIGHLY* recommend: "Once a Warrior, always a Warrior", and "After the War Zone: A Practical Guide for Returning Troops and their Families". Please read them. I wish I'd known about them before my guy came home, it'd have saved me so much grief. The first book is more for family members to know how their brains are processing things, and the second one is written primarily for the service member and reinforces ideas and things they need to help get readjusted more easily, but it's also written for family members.

He's probably just so thoroughly exhausted, so from the outside looking in, he just needs to get home and relax. Don't take it personally!:)

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum yonkers. I really feel for you, you must feel complet confusion. I believe Army_Brat_88 has given you some good advice. There is also a special section for carers/supporters, some of which are composed to spouses, boy/girl friends to war vets. Wishing you much luck, and please think of yourself and take care of yourself.

 

[IvyMillie]

I'm sad that you are going through such a tough time. It's a good thing to learn as much as you can about PTSD. Knowledge is power. I don't have the same situation, but there are some feelings that they have that contribute to their outbursts. They generally have low self-esteem and low self-worth. Maybe his being hateful to you, is because he feels hateful inside himself. Sometimes people project what is going on internally. It's a very fragile time for you and him. I'm sure it's very hard on you, because you have looked forward to seeing him again, and I can tell you really love him. You may just have to give him lots of space--don't be too "needy". Let him readjust. With me, when I'm really "needy" my husband can't handle it at all. It's hard because I am "needy" and want his reassurance and love, but he can't handle it. I hope that you guys can take the time to work things out. It really sounds like you love him so much. One thing I learned about communicating is the importance of picking the right time--to approach certain subjects. Sometimes I have to wait for days--until my husband is in a decent enough frame of mind for me to bring something up. I just want you to know I hope the best for you--I hope that he will in some way reassure you--and stop being so negative towards you. Hang in there.

 

[ISupportHer]

I am sorry to hear this yonkers. I missed this when you originally posted. I am not in the same specific circumstance but I know there are those here with similar stories. I hope you can discuss situations, learn from others actions, good and bad, and most of all know that you are not alone. I would imagine that the last part is of little help at the moment since you may feel very alone.

ISH