Relationship Marriage On The Rocks

[Miss Bess]

I need to talk this out. I'm miserable. Feel free to comment.

My husband suffers from PTSD, and I feel so lonely. He started refusing therapy in October, and has since become very reclusive. There is no affection in our house. He didn't even celebrate my birthday or Christmas. Also, I feel that his lack of sleep is affecting his judgment. He's not managing our money well, and he's been horribly unpleasant to me. It goes in cycles. Soon, the tension will break, and he'll return to his normal self for a couple of days. It's just enough to tease me :(

He refuses marriage counseling and is not a good listener anymore. I'm wondering if separating for a while might help, but I'm scared my marriage may be over. It all just feels hopeless. I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel terrible today.

To make matters worse, my family has completely villainized him. They don't realize he wasn't like this when we married! There were no warning signs that this was going to happen some day!

For now, I'm staying with my mom and dad, and setting up my own bank account tomorrow. I hope he doesn't hit the roof. Ugh.

 

[BigBear]

It is important to protect your self, while supporting him as much as is reasonable.

Here's one that I hate to say, but I think may be true. Either others will back me up, or you should disregard this. - Therapy is critical for him and may have to be a condition of a continued relationship.

As I guess you can tell, I am very concerned about the direction that this is going in.

Finally,marriage counciling is something that you can do without him! If nothing else, you would gain an independent view of your situation.

Bear

 

[Miss Bess]

Thanks for your input, Bear! It's making a little more sense now. My therapist suggested I give him an ultimatum--get therapy or I'll leave. I thought she was nuts when she said that, but maybe there's something to it. I really don't think my marriage will survive without therapy of some kind.

Didn't know I could do marriage counseling w/o him. Great idea!

Thanks a bunch, Bear!!

 

[IvyMillie]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I think it really is hard at times. Only you can make the decision to stay or leave. It isn't easy living with someone with PTSD. I don't think they are capable of really understanding what we need from them and they are incapable of giving in that way. Listening is definetely hard for them.

I hope that he will work on your relationship. Maybe he needs a wake up call. I hope that you guys can work it out. I don't know how long you have been married or if you have kids together.

 

[ISupportHer]

I am sorry that this is happening.

I agree that you need to protect yourself. There are many supporters that vow to stay no matter what. Just my opinion, but I feel everyone needs to follow their own path. Your husband has to be the one to help himself. Every person has to decide when enough is enough. I hope it improves with him, but I hope you get what you need. It takes two for a relationship.

ISH

 

[Miss Bess]

Thanks, Ivy! Thanks, ISH. Luckily we've only been married 2 years and some change. No kids, thank God. I think I'd be even more of a basketcase if we had wee ones. Thanks for the encouragement, everyone.