Marriage

[Bookoffee]

I can't take my marriage anymore. It is the little things that are becoming overwhelming. We can not connect on any level. Two weeks ago when I did a home visit from the crisis unit, she told me not to worry about taking the trash out or cleaning the cat liter. She would get it done. By the following Wednesday, it still hadn't been done. From last Tuesday until Friday, I would ask her multiple times to grab the large bag of cat liter and bring it upstairs. Finally yesterday, I was done waiting and lug the bag up the stairs. She made no comment or recognized that I did this.

Last night I forgot to put the crock pot in the fridge when it cooled off. I went to bed around one in the morning and she woke up about an hour to two later, yelling with so much anger that I didn't do anything she asked me to do.

While I was hospitalized for a month then in the crisis unit, the dishes and trash were never taken care. I had to stand in a swarm of fruit flies to clean the kitchen.

I am sick of this marriage. It is so fake. We haven't touched in over a year. That includes holding hands. She tells me all the time that we will never get back what we once had. That I will always be her family because I feel like home to her, but I feel as though I am always being belittled and the cause of all the misery in this house.

i want this life to be over with. I am sick of it.

 

[Bookoffee]

A year later, the divorce is in process, she moved out and I have not felt better in years.

I have to note that I went to a gathering the other night with one of my sisters. I had non-stop conversation and laughed. I need to document; I laughed.

 

[Powder]

Bookoffee,

I didn't see the extent of the emotional abuse from your various posts at first, and I feel bad for getting the wrong impression at one point.

I can see now how important it was for you to get away from this emotional abuse, and I think it's awesome and pride-worthy that you did.

How are you doing now? I hope it's been a good winter for you.

Muse

 

[Bookoffee]

Hi @Muse

She would always promise that she would still be family to me and that I was home for her but yet again just another broken promise. She won't pay her half of the phone bill and sadly I think I may have to remove her from the bill.

I have a blood clot disorder and two weeks ago I woke up with intense pain in my right temple, passing out having a metal stand fall over on me. I have had three hospital stays since then. One night was at the hospital she works at. I found a ride there but didn't have anyone to stay with me. She was working in the same building knowing I was there and needed a lumbar puncture. She didn't even bother to come downstairs to see me or to offer to sit with me through the puncture. It took them six tries to get spinal fluid.

She is nothing more than broken promises.

Thank you for checking in.

 

[Powder]

I'm sorry that your health is not doing well. How are you now moving forward with that disorder. I know nothing about that, but it sounds like a source of some anxiety, to be sure.

Finding out you have something, no matter what kind one thing, is never a picnic, is it?

I'm also seeking diagnosis of my autoimmune disease. Right now my abuser-father is facing serious medical problems and multiple surgeries from an autoimmune set of issues. My sister also has it. Nobody has bothered to pursue which one it is, until now. We may have different ones.

I hope you find answers soon to prevent another scary event. Who took you to the hospital? That sounds so scary.

 

[Bookoffee]

The first stay, my nephew's girlfriend dropped me off, the second stay my sister dropped me off, the third stay the ambulance had to come and get me. I was given medication for migraine but I want a second opinion about the possible blood clot in my brain. I have already had four in my lungs and two in my right leg. Every time I would bend down my head would pound and I would black out. It is not fun at all.

 

[Powder]

Worrisome for sure. Try to find a place of peace within also understanding it's normal to feel some anxiety about such things. I'm also balancing the constant fear of an ever growing health problem that could indicate that my time's shorter than I thought. I try to cultivate some sort of feeling of safety and peace, even knowing that its a feeling and nothing more. Still does me the world of good. I hope you can cuddle your pets often and stay warm.

Is this an inherited, genetic disorder? Mine is.

PTSD is enough, without also having chronic health problems. Lots of self care and support.

You've got so much hitting you. I feel for you.

 

[Bookoffee]

Yes it is very worrisome. I am having a difficult time sleeping.

I had a complete hysterectomy in my late 20s and was on estrogen for close to a decade casing the blood disorder called Factor Five.

I took in a nephew that is 32 for a week to help him get his life in order. Soon his girlfriend was staying with then I was getting a call to also take in their 6 month old. I have a one bedroom apartment with four animals. It was completely crowded in here and so overwhelming. I told them they had to move out. I agreed to just my nephew staying to get the treatment he needed and it turned into this complete mess.

One of my cats was exteremly sick with juandice and I almost lost her. Thankfully she is doing well now and I have my place back in order.

I am always holding kissing or calling out for one of them. Love them so.much!