Maybe I Don't Belong? Don't Know What I'm Doing?

[Muttly]

Maybe I don't belong here. I don't feel like I contribute much.
Maybe this is the same old song at a new (for me) forum.
At an old forum, I used to count my posts. I had to make more posts where I was supporting others, than I made about myself. Otherwise it was proof I was selfish or something.
I don't actually count anymore, but I still feel like I need to keep track and make sure I'm giving enough.

Maybe this post is attention seeking.
Maybe it's manipulation.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting.

Maybe my life is too crazy right now and I just don't have the bandwidth to be here
I can't focus on most posts.
Even when I have focus, long posts are hard to read (dyslexia)
Same issue with long threads, so some of the posts I'm interested in quickly become unmanageable.
And I'm changing so much in my life. New job, new side business. Leaving a career of 25ish years (split between a couple jobs)
Emerging relationship
I'm like an older me that was always go, go, go.
Maybe I can't be diving into posts when life is like this
Maybe my T is right and therapy can slow down
Maybe I just need to live with nightmares and intrusive thoughts and I've healed enough for now (or ever).

Maybe as much as my T says that she's not going anywhere, some of us are afraid she's dumping us.
Maybe some of us are mad/hopeless because we were finally at the point where we were able to start doing the really deep work. Memories were finally starting to get pieced together and now we are too busy just getting through all the changes.
Maybe some of us are scared shitles because we just left a stable career for all this change. We left a stable job of almost 16 years for all this change. And yeah, where we worked was really toxic but it was stable and that's the one thing we've never been willing to risk before.

Maybe we are afraid we don't belong anywhere now, that we left the old job
And we don't belong here because... we have no focus? we don't give enough? we are a fake? we.... don't know how to be here.
Maybe this post *is* attention seeking.
Maybe we just want to be seen
Except that's selfish
And why? what's the point? Unless we are being the clown or the helper, calling attention to ourself isn't a good idea
Maybe after saying all this, I still have no freaking idea what point I'm trying to make.

 

[Blackjack]

Muttly, please please don't even think about leaving here!! I love seeing you in chat, you always cheer me up.

You don't have to give or do anything other than just be you! We are all in the same situation here, struggling to get through each day, fighting our own demons and issues but regardless of what, unconditionally here for each other. We don't care how many times you post, whether you support or want supporting. None of that matters, the only thing that matters is having you here. You contribute greatly!!

Please my friend, stay here where you are loved and valued. We need you!! With the changes that are happening in your life, let us be the steady ground, the one thing and place you can fall back on and rely on. Stay Muttly, please??

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I think that we all come and go and and support when we can and ask for support when we need it.

It is okay if you need support right now. It is okay if you can't give back as much as you would like.

Please stay safe and please be well and please stick around.

 

[Eagle3]

Sure, stick around...no one here counts posts! Seriously, I joined over 10 years ago, and I went literally 3 years where I didn't post a thing...read some, but didn't post. I tend to disappear for days, weeks, months, years on end, but I keep coming back because we are all here doing the same thing...trying to piece our lives back together, and needing to talk to others who are going through similar struggles. You belong here, even if you never post again, but I sure like seeing what you do post; for instance, the above post is beautifully written, and puts so much of my own waffling into focus.

Deal with life, do what must be done, but at least keep your account active. There may (will!) be a time you want to come back in and hang with others like yourself. :) :hug:(if you accept)

 

[Justmehere]

Maybe you give back to the community by posting about you... maybe someone who thought they were alone in feeling what they feel reads your post and thinks, "oh, I'm not alone..."

Actually, I can confirm that it's not so much a maybe, but a certainty. There was a post you made in the past that actually encouraged me in that way. It was about you, but it helped me too.

I'm glad you are here.

 

[Arebas]

I'm new and I am still confused about who is who and I don't interact much yet, but the one thing I noticed about this place is that no one keeps score. I feel at ease reading and replying cause I feel that everyone is just trying their best. They try their best to explain themselves and try their best to support others. I don't reply to every post I read cause most of the time I don't know what I can say to help but just reading helps me. I liked reading your post. I liked knowing that someone out there is feeling what I sometimes felt. It makes me think I am not alone. So, when you ask for support, you're helping me. You help me learn that it's ok to need someone. It's ok to ask. And more importantly, that when you ask here, someone is there for you.
Everything helps. So thank you for sharing this. Honestly.

 

[Muttly]

It's funny. I'd been finding I wasn't able to reply to people's posts and once I made this post I was able to. I'm not really sure why it worked that way.

Muttly, please please don't even think about leaving here!! I love seeing you in chat, you always cheer me up.

:) Thank you. I appreciate that. I enjoy being in chat with you.

Maybe you give back to the community by posting about you... maybe someone who thought they were alone in feeling what they feel reads your post and thinks, "oh, I'm not alone..."

Actually, I can confirm that it's not so much a maybe, but a certainty. There was a post you made in the past that actually encouraged me in that way. It was about you, but it helped me too.

Wow. I hadn't thought about it that way. I guess I just see posting about my own stuff as taking. I'm glad a post I wrote, made you feel less alone.

I I liked reading your post. I liked knowing that someone out there is feeling what I sometimes felt. It makes me think I am not alone. So, when you ask for support, you're helping me. You help me learn that it's ok to need someone. It's ok to ask. And more importantly, that when you ask here, someone is there for you.
Everything helps. So thank you for sharing this. Honestly.

Welcome. And thanks for your reply. I don't really believe it's ok to ask for help, but I guess I'm learning the world doesn't end when I do. I hope you feel ok reach out. You'll get good support here.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Muttly Maybe, just maybe you just need to breath. Relax, and let yourself be just relaxed....

 

[Sandstone]

Maybe after saying all this, I still have no freaking idea what point I'm trying to make

You made it really clearly, enough for me to be able to say, yes, me too. I keep telling myself
"Give when you can, take when you need to",
but I also find myself thinking that if I make a post asking for help I should also respond to at least twice as many.

 

[Muttly]

@Sandstone Yes, exactly. Responding to the same number of posts as I made isn't good enough. It's almost like I have a debt to pay off. When I'm doing well I can be more logical about it, but when I'm doing badly I get lost in those feelings. So when I most need to post I'm often least able.