Medical Medical Induced Trauma

[Mammo]

@Tigergirl1217 so sorry to hear of what you went through, that's horrendous.

I had a minor experience of frightening medical experience when I was about 6/7 - I had a tonsillectomy, and even though they gave me some banana flavoured medicine that would make me go to sleep, I woke up on the trolley thing, literally to the sight of the ceiling lights passing over my head as they were wheeling me down the corridor.
I became very frightened and wanted my mum, so I started screaming and kicking the Doctors and Nurses.
The last thing I remember was a woman grabbing my arm, and me seeing in slow motion the needle going into my arm, the plunger going down, then everything went black.

This completely pales in comparison to the experiences of yourself and the other posters here, but even this minor thing had a lasting effect, I always had an issue with needles, and even to this day, nearly twenty years later, I still get frightened by needles.

My main discomfort/fear of Doctors/Nurses/Hospitals for me is the outcome of involuntary hospitalisation in NYC a few years ago. The sheer terror of that experience remains very difficult to describe.

No advice or anything I can offer, but just wanted to say I can relate to what you're saying.

 

[Chava]

@Tigergirl1217 ...realized I missed your last posts (think it was maybe a cross-posting since I post...slowly). Glad you have a cool doctor. But yeah, smell can be terrible...very connected to memory. And clinics and hospitals are always pretty much like :wtf:

@InvisibleSun ...yes, some very interesting stuff. I've been learning a lot that validates my experience, and also my really awkward path towards trying to be more balanced or grounded. Typical self soothing things never worked.

 

[oasis2003]

Yes I relate to being afraid of doctors, smells anything medical. I have lots of medical traumas too difficult to talk about.

 

[Saint Nik]

Sounds awful. They should have prepared you. I would kick up a complete fuss and lose the plot if that was done to my kids! Hospitals and operations are scary as it it and children need preparation, simple as! No wonder it was so bloody traumatic.
I have my own issue with hospitals too! I was older though and it was in bloody recovery too! There I am in recovery after a simple gallbladder removal procedure op. I am given pain relief through the IV drip in my left hand. The bastards hadn't flushed out the IV properly and inside was left a chemical nerve blocker (I am not entirely sure of the exact medical name!) Anyway, it is needed for the operation to paralyse you once knocked out with ansthetic. But, I am laying in recovery and fully awake. They give me pain relief and it flushes this nerve blocker back into my system and I completely go paralysed and my throat closes up and I completely stop breathing and suffocate. The scary point was the nurses and doctors don't have a clue what has happened and that was when I reached an acceptance I was completely f*cked and I am going to die that day. I hear the monitors beeping and I am about to flat line. It was horrible to struggle for that breath that was never coming. Felt like my head was going to pop with the lack of oxygen. . .
. . .they give me the anti-reversal drug for this nerve blocker and straight away I feel sensations coming back to my body. I sit up immediately and in this chronic state of panic for 3 days after that. I couldn't sleep with the amount of adrenaline released into my body. Bunch of bastards were playing God with my f*cking life and should have checked their mistakes. That was 3 years ago and I still suffer the affects of that f*cking day! I hate hospitals, so yeah. . . I feel for you and I hope you get your life back and no longer suffer the trauma these f*ckers gave you!
:hug:

 

[Tigergirl1217]

Oh my lord that's one of the worse malpractice I've ever heard of!!!!! They should be lucky their asses did not get fired @Saint Nik

 

[Mit]

I absolutely understand your trauma @Tigergirl1217. I've described my own medical traumas and treatments in previous posts. I had to endure repeated surgery on my genitals throughout my childhood. It was always painful, frightening, and humiliating. I spent my entire childhood trying to keep the purpose of my frequent stays in hospital a secret from school mates because I knew it would be the source of teasing and bullying. I was ashamed of a condition I was born with. In truth my genitals were not my own, they belonged to my adoptive parents and the nhs. After 13 years from age 3 to 16 and 30 operations I was finally "fixed". You have to be kidding! Nobody ever thought to question the psychological impact or the effects on my psychosexual development. The impact on me was and continues to be profound.

You have my empathy and understanding. Take heart, you will be supported and cared for here as I have been. Mit

 

[Anarchy]

Hi @Tigergirl1217 welcome to the forum.

I have no conscious memory of this, but from what i now reconise as triggers, phantom pains and recurring fears as a child, it clearly provided one of my early traumas.
From a neurological point of view, the amygdala, which processes fear, is active and learning from about six months after conception, so there is a strong neurological basis for events from that time onwards, having lasting effects.

When I was about 6 months old, my mother had noticed my foreskin inflating when I urinated. My mother is very susceptible to seeking the approval of people whom she views as authority figures. She was also good looking (a local photographer had a life size picture of her in his shop window for about 10 years), so I can imagine a middle aged quack wanting to impress and show off.
First stage in "treating" something which was probably uncomfortable but otherwise harmless was using medical forceps to stretch the opening. I know that the first time anaesthetics were used on me came several years later... And apparently the inner surface of a foreskin has the most sensitive structures of a male's genitals (see my last post in the alternative dictionary of therapy).
Had that process "worked" the damage to the smooth muscle and the resulting inelastic scar tissue would have left me with a foreskin that probably would never retract or at least not without pain. Apparently this is quite common in British males of my generation.

Presumably, it took several days for the ham fisted idiocy to show that it hadn't worked. Again, remember that my mother has told me that I was about three before I had any anaesthesia.

I can see the scarring where my foreskin was cut lengthways, to allow the sharp edged plastic clamping rings to be fitted to cut off the blood supply, I can also see where the remaining adhesions between foreskin and glans were torn (a process akin to tearing a fingernail off - apparently the process of natural separation can take until late teens to complete).

The idiot that fitted the clamping device also trapped several small areas of skin on the shaft, these left multiple loops of skin, which I could have worn rings or studs through. The larger ones were prone to catch on clothing and to getting infected (they were impossible to keep clean) just the thing I needed to get if I had a new relationship about to turn sexual! I cut the worst ones off myself.

My mother was quite proud that I had stopped wetting the bed by nine months. Again, scarring shows that I had an ulcer from the opening of my urethra rubbing in my nappy/daiper. It must have been too bloody painful to pee and tear the scab on that.

Regarding the lack of anaesthesia, when I'm chronically triggered, I get pains in my forearms. I'm wondering whether that is from being restrained?

Even now, after half a century, I still find the thought of medical procedures involving genitals triggering. So much so, that I ve never been able to initiate a conversation to ask my mother about it. The few explanations I received I found highly triggering.

 

[Chava]

the amygdala, which processes fear, is active and learning from about six months after conception

Not to be that girl who corrects info (sorry), but the amygdala is fully formed at birth. Just means our very earliest experiences and how they are handled, from day one (pre day one actually), are wiring our fear responses. Babies can feel terror.

 

[oasis2003]

@Anarchy and all of you are brave to open up and share. I get phantom pains still all of my surgery was from my mid twenties to my 40's in the area of lower abdomen. My amygdala reacted then and is still doing now. I find it hard to verbalise experiences a lot of it is body reactions and sensations. I also think that anaesthesia can also trigger the amygdala etc if your body is paralysed but your brain is still conscious.
respect and empathy to you guys.

 

[Anarchy]

I spent about a month in hospital fastened to a bed when I was about five or six, receiving traction for a hip dislocated by bullies.
I may hav e been told to be good or not to be a nuisance.

Anyway, I pissed and shat the bed, and was duly washed and changed for about three days and nights before anyone thought to explain that I should call for a nurse and ask for a pee bottle or bed pan...

 

[shimmerz]

Yes, issues from birth. In hospital for a month after a serious and life threatening operation. Then was received by birth parents with welcoming arms and socks stuffed in my mouth if I dared to cry. If one were to actually choose their parents, choose their lives as some believe, I f*cked up badly. Anyways, sorry, in a space today.... onwards.....

Hospitals systemically are horrible at what they claim to do (heal). I haven't met a Florence Nightingale in any hospital yet. Not one. I try to keep to healers now not practitioners of medicine.

 

[Anarchy]

Further to @shimmerz
I need to find the ref for an international study. I think it was under the auspices of the WHO
Anyway, if you ever become psychotic, try doing it in Nigeria.
They genuinely have a better chance of full recovery and rehabilitation and reintegration than western Europe and north America.
So much for the state-medical-pharmaceutical complex.