Relationship Meeting His Daughter

[Deleted member 27524]

So I took a break from the forum for awhile, I just needed it! However me and my sufferer have grown closer and he has offered to drive 5 hours to come help me move to my new house. He's bringing his 12 year old daughter to meet me! I can not be more shocked as I've never met her and from what he's told me women in his past have wanted to spend time with her which he wouldn't allow. So I am pretty stoked that he wants to do this. I didn't ask for it. Whew but a pre teen who's always had daddy all to herself, I'm a little nervous!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Good Luck! I think its a good sign that he wants you to meet his daughter.

Just remember this is likely a stressful time for all involved, so you have your worries, the daughter will have her worries, and he will have his worries as well.

I hope it goes well!

 

[Seasounds]

So happy for you! Yes, following Solara's comment, be easy and flexible, with yourself and others. As a teacher of mine says, "See if you can be gently with the process, rather than needing a particular outcome."

Enjoy, thanks for sharing the good news!

 

[Sighs]

Try not to have any expectations - of her or of his behaviour when she is around.

PS - good luck with the move - moving sucks!

 

[Sweetpea76]

Good Luck @Thunderstorm. I'll tell you what I told my vet before he met my kids... kids can smell when somebody is trying too hard. It is better to just try to relax and be honest. He told them that he was nervous to meet them, and it made them relax about being nervous too.

 

[anthony]

Maybe what she wants is a female influence also... so maybe he may suddenly be looking for his daughters attention when its directed at you?

A lot of unknowns... and honestly I wouldn't try and predict anything other than like you've outlined, he is making a positive step forward in his own actions and obviously towards your relationship. Congrats.

 

[Deleted member 27524]

Thank you all! Yes I am super excited and nervous! He will be meeting my boys this day as well and my dad and step mom. My boys will welcome him very easily but as we discussed this morning his daughter struggles with sharing him. However she's maturing in that area and once she sees how happy he is then he said she'll come around! As I explained to him that her feelings come before mine as far as I'm concerned. We'll go at her pace.

We have definitely grown and he is so soft beneath the layers that he's finally shown me. I even nicknamed him my "snuggly" haha! Not really fitting for a 6'4 fireman but he earned the title! Meeting each other's kids and him asking to meet my father is definitely a positive step forward. One that I didn't push for but was pleasantly surprised with! Only time will tell what the future holds!

 

[Sighs]

She's how old? 12? I'm sorry but I don't think that she is old enough to be able to see how happy you make her dad and "come around". I would expect some bumpy waters ahead for quite some time. Having said that taking it at her pace is about all you can do. As I said earlier - try not to have expectations of her or of him when she is around.

My vet's youngest was 19 when we met and she would still scowl every time she saw him hold my hand. And she had even told me that she could see how relaxed and upbeat he was around me. Still hard for her to actually see that little bit of affection.

Good luck and remember - she will grow up eventually. When she does she will appreciate the support you give her dad.

 

[Sighs]

@Thunderstorm - how did it go?

 

[Deleted member 27524]

@Sighs after he and I talked about all this, I was out having dinner with my 13 yr old son and I asked him how he would feel with another guy hanging around some. Well, he was very supportive! He shocked me really! So I began just telling him a little about D and the more I talked the more excited he got! It sorta made me uneasy. I told him D was a fireman, had a daughter his exact age and other details to which my son replies "ooh a fireman for A DAD" and "I always wanted a sister". Well his excitement both melted my heart and made me weary. His biological father abused me a lot in our marriage in fact I have to have surgery to repair a break to my nose that I didn't know I even had until I started having a lot of problems to which I was told my nose had been broken and was completely closed off on one side. I knew immediately how it had happened. He also has started what I call emotionally chipping away at my 13 yr old son which is severing their relationship.My son does not do visitations with his father right now. He explained to me that he does not like his dad. I think in his mind he was going to get a better dad.So my point in this long explanation is that my son seemed to eager to put that DAD title in there and it worried me. I discussed it with D and he thought it was awesome that my son was that excited but I made the decision to hold off a little bit on meeting each other's children.

D and I have grown closer and he does speak of wanting to spend time with my boys and me his daughter which makes me really happy. He actually talks about us in future references now in each other's lives. I think we'll wait until school is out here in May to meet each other's kids that way we can all spend more time together this summer.

I really believe especially after our conversation just this morning that D is here for the long haul and I can honestly say the entire two years I've been trying for him that he has never made me feel more cared about than he did this morning. He's softened up but this morning he poured his heart out to me. "You see something in me that nobody else can or tried to and I care about you so much more than you realize," he said. I told him I loved him to which he replied " I believe that and I feel it and it scares me." He said many things to me which I won't go into them all but I am beyond glad that I didn't quit on him.

I'm almost mind boggled at this man who has transformed in front of my very eyes from this very guarded and difficult person just wanting to push me away constantly to my best friend, my snuggly and hopefully someday more! I think when the time is right my boys will be lucky to have him in their life and as much as I love her daddy his daughter will be lucky to have me in hers! All in time!