General Meltdowns And Pity Parties

[Joy]

I am feeling sorry for myself today, and I just can't shake it. I am supposed to be preparing for final exams, and I just can't focus. My husband's PTSD is consuming my life, and I just want it to stop. I really want him to get better already, so we can get back to normal. I keep telling myself that we'll get through this and things will get better. But it is not helping and I am getting impatient. What do you all do when things are really tough?

 

[Nicolette]

Oh dear Joy. How I feel your frustration. There is no easy answer and sometimes PTSD drags the strongest of us Carers down no matter how hard we fight it :(. The part I hate the most is feeling like I don't exist especially when they laugh and chat to everyone else like normal. I get the theory and that behind it but it doesn't take the knife out of my heart.

I wish I could share the answer to your question as I am sure we would all be having a better life if there was a simple answer. Sometimes I find myself struggling to keep my head above water with all of this and I don't have too bad a time. I am an emotional person so if I am hurt emotionally (which PTSD does) I find it very hard to function and focus on anything important.

To date I haven't found anything which really helps and no matter what the PTSD event they all disrupt my life the same. The best I can do is listen to music I like and tell myself over and over it's nothing personal (usually not getting very far with that) and pray that if I stay away and shut my mouth that it will pass quicker. It's not an ideal way to live but I try and remember they are suffering too. PTSD doesn't make me angry - just ripped off sometimes as I feel it steals from us as well as the Sufferer. Bless us all (and I'm not religious!).

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Hi Joy, in answer to your question what to do when it's really tough, I find it's best to go do something for myself. A walk to clear my head is a favourite or phone a friend and arrange to meet up for a coffee, both work wonders.;)
I've learnt that the effort I used to put in to try and help make things better actually made things worse.
I would ask questions like 'what can I do to help or would you like to do this, that or the other and similar nonsense. All my hubby wanted was for me to leave him alone. He was just trying to survive. My efforts were making things worse because he felt swamped and smothered.
I hope this helps. x

 

[Nicolette]

I've learnt that the effort I used to put in to try and help make things better actually made things worse.
I would ask questions like 'what can I do to help or would you like to do this, that or the other and similar nonsense. All my hubby wanted was for me to leave him alone. He was just trying to survive. My efforts were making things worse because he felt swamped and smothered.

Agreed.....

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

I had a bad day yesterday. Can you believe it, we're away on holiday, with time to relax. Not having the distractions of work and everyday getting by, my insecurities came crowding in.
This time last year my husband wasn't with me, he had gone to stay with a friend of his (a woman). He went away in November, came home for 3 days at Christmas and went back there before New Year. I have stuff I need to talk through with someone about his time away. It hurt me deeply that he went on holiday with her to the very special place we had booked to go to in early February, then. bizzarly he emailed me on that holiday and asked if he could come back home. I was so happy he wanted to come home. (We have been married for 7 years, known each other for 10.) But yesterday I felt quite frightened that he might be having thoughts about going away again.

I took my own advice and went for a walk to clear my head and found some cats which helped distract me.

It's not easy 'reading' my husband, he gives very little away. He has an extremely good vocabulary and is good at public speaking but as for letting me know how he is or showing any feelings this is something I feel sad that he can't/wont do.

I'd appreciate some feedback.

 

[anthony]

Yep... smothered is the word that came to my mind the other day, just how I feel right now, which only makes me want to run.

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

So if getting to the point of feeling smothered is a pattern, can it be avoided? How come we don't see it building up. Can we have a constructive conversation to find a new strategy before it gets out of hand?