Mental Health Solutions (Long)

[Tom S. in Tn.]

I am a 52 y/o male who has been in and out of counseling and seen approx 30 different mental health practitioners at all levels since age 17.

I was molested by a hippie social worker in a county run mental health center in 1973 at 17 when I was sent there for severe anxiety and inability to cope in school, due to childhood molestation.

Because I am a male, I have never been allowed to be treated for sexually related trauma, and I NEVER brought it up due to potential repercussions until a social worker declared one day I had been sexually molested 11 years ago. Up to that point I had always been counseled for the problem of the day. Given the available resources I still believe this is the best.

I have had lay person and social worker diagnosis of personality d/o, anxiety d/o, and even PTSD until recently a psych examiner labeled me with 'Chronic' PTSD. After reviewing what I see on-line I can see it actually fits.

Now for my question and why I registered here;
Now what? Even though I have good mental health coverage with our medical insurance carrier, as a male I am considered too problematic and too old by the female run mental health services in Tennessee.
I am not a vet, (wouldn't matter anyway in US).
Because of the lack of qualified providers and a general disregard toward professional ethics within the female dominated mental health industry, I refuse to allow one to close a door with me. There are persistent conflict issues with the secretarial and billing staff, etc...
The last provider sent a email Monday abruptly stating she had canceled my last appointment.

1) Have I gotten too old and the effects irreversible as they state?
2) Is there any form of relief from the anxiety and isolation other than medication for a male in the US? (therapeutic counseling for males?)
3) How can I as a 52 y/o male be treated, and what should I have been searching for in a provider all these years? The mental health resources are extremely limited and female controlled in middle Tennessee. At this point I would strongly consider traveling to another geographical region.

I am an RN and worked in mental health for Tennessee for several years before I decided to stay home 11 years ago. I am fully aware sexual molestation is NOT a diagnosis, and only a cause despite all the female programs available. But how can a 52 y/o male be treated for CPTSD in a female mental health industry? I have had years and several thousand $$ taken from me ever since being made to go at age 17. I am at the end of the line.

Any input please.

Thank you for reading; Tom S. in Tn.

 

[Deleted member 541]

HI Tom & welcome to the forum.... No, you are not to old to start the process (again)

I do understand your problem with having a female therapist, but I have to say, there must be a male therapist somewhere in Tn that you can see. He must be trained in PTSD Trauma though....as this is a must with PTSD sufferers. But, I want to add... All women therapist aren't bad, even though you have had a bad experience. It's a trust issue for you, and yes it is huge, but something that would be good for you to work on and to try and overcome. I was molested by both of my brothers, and gang raped (while I was drunk), yet the BEST therapist I had, was a male!!!!!

Talking/writing about your trauma is important. You have to face it, and go through it, in order for you to be healthier.

I wish you well, and hope that you can achieve what you are striving for....

 

[morgan]

I just want to say that you are never too old to heal. In my ptsd group there is a 78 yr old woman whom I have had pleasure to watch grow and heal over the last two years. She is truly an inspiration to me.

You can do it too! I think you might want to keep trying. It is your life after all.

 

[Tom S. in Tn.]

I don't want to sound too derogatory, but I don't have a lot of latitude in who I get to see, let alone find any males who have a mental health practice. They simply don't exist, in middle Tennessee anyway. There is no way to screen a provider except for public record, make the appointment, and spend several hundred $$ and then sit and see their attitude toward males. (I wish there was the ability to provide feedback with the board of registry) And it's not been by my choice that absolutely every provider I have seen was actually not happily married with a family either. Every one have been divorced (usually multiple times), and not by my asking but rather their own admission.
I have, after a social workers referral, learned to stay away from the female programs that declare specialty in rape crisis and/or sexual abuse. The wounded women who run those type programs are absolutely vicious. It took 11 years after a social worker declared me a victim, but I have finally discovered on my own that rape/sexual abuse are NOT diagnosis but only single causes of trauma, just like being shot at, or attacked and hanged. (or victimized by them, duh)
I am 52. I was publicly sexually assaulted as a result of a burnt out hippie/social workers decision at a county run mental health center when I was 17. It just appears to me that this industry would yield just one person who could help me to gain confidence to overcome the sexual molestation I received as a child.

In all these years, it seems to me just one provider would at least NOT contribute to the chronic component of the PTSD.
Yes, I have problems. But where is a provider who does not operate in a dentistry style practice, billing by the minute with lunch catered by pharmaceutical marketers, that will not be offended and angry when I tell them the first mental health professional I ever saw had me publicly raped. Where is a therapy group?? Where a male could safely attend???

Where in this country are actual mental health professionals who provide mental health services instead of some Dear Abby style counseling????

Thanx for the opportunity to publicly vent; Tom S. in Tn.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Tom

Welcome to the forum. You are never to old to be helped or to relearn how to live. I am almost 62 and have been here for 2 years. Some people come and go from the forum depending on their feelings, but it is a fabulous place for info, input and even an occasional cyberfriend is found.

But know "1" thing. We all know how you feel, what you are going through and want the same things you want.

''WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE, DONE THAT AND GOT THE TEE SHIRT''

You will find we are a good group of "nuts"! Now don't you or anyone else get offended, it's a silly joke and "my" way of dealing with "our" issues.

Hope you find what you are looking for

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I understand your frustrations. No, you are not too old to heal. I don't think that anybody is ever too old to heal. If any mental health professional has given you this impression, then shame on them! PTSD can strike anyone at any age and if you are willing to put in the hard work towards healing, then you can improve your life.

You said that you are willing to travel outside of the region to get help. I suggest that you do this as it seems that you are not getting anywhere with the health professionals in your area.

In my hometown (where I am moving back to in just a few months), the attitude encountered when dealing with mental health professionals is that any of the counselors can treat anybody. I come from a small town where such resources are limited so it is hard to find someone that specializes in PTSD. I have to travel down to the city to get any real help. But, I know that it's worth it to travel the distance to get the proper help that I need.

Good luck!

 

[Deleted member 541]

Well Tom, I guess if you truly have the desire to get healthy, have a male therapist....The answer is MOVE!!!!!!!! Don't sit around and whine and complain that there are no good therapist, and that the women therapist are all male haters.

Seems like a great plan to me.......

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi Tom,

Maybe a temporary solution is to make the most of it from all angles- the best Therapist you can get (and keep looking for one you will feel most comfortable with), other support groups, this Forum- especially the "Learning Section information" too, the work you can do on your own (CBT, etc).

A new start.

 

[catjudo]

I don't want to sound too derogatory, but I don't have a lot of latitude in who I get to see,

But where is a provider who does not operate in a dentistry style practice, billing by the minute with lunch catered by pharmaceutical marketers, that will not be offended and angry when I tell them the first mental health professional I ever saw had me publicly raped. Where is a therapy group?? Where a male could safely attend???

Where in this country are actual mental health professionals who provide mental health services instead of some Dear Abby style counseling????

Thanx for the opportunity to publicly vent; Tom S. in Tn.

Tom--unfortunately, to get the services that you desire (and deserve) you may very well have to go beyond what is available to you through your mental health benefits and see someone who does not accept insurance and is strictly "private pay". Depending on your benefits, you may then be able to submit invoices to your insurance for partial reimbursement, but this responsibility would fall on you and not your doctor or their staff. It has been my experience that many (certainly not all, but many) really good therapists in private practice are shying away from accepting insurance because the industry limits the way they are able to treat patients.

It can be difficult to find a male therapist who is trained and specializes in PTSD. It is a specialty that tends to attract more females. But know that male PTSD therapists DO EXIST. My most recent therapist was a great psychologist (PhD) with a lot of very solid PTSD training and experience and he also happened to be a male. Two different times in my life, in two different cities I have had a male therapist who worked for the VA, but also had a private practice. Because of their work with soldiers, the therapists had a lot of training/experience with PTSD, but they also worked in private practice with non-combat related PTSD. I'm wondering, but don't really know the answer, if the VA has a higher-than-typical number of male therapists? If you're anywhere near a VA hospital, maybe you could see if there are any therapists there who also work in private practice. It may not work but just one possible avenue to explore.

Best of luck to you in your continued search for healing.

 

[Tinyflame]

I agree with Cat, above.
-Was just thinking, at the very least a Therapist that specializes in trauma.

Much luck!

 

[Tom S. in Tn.]

Without body language, eye contact, and only textual cues, I do not know how to react to a lot of what is written here. At any rate, believe me when I say, I did not start this yesterday, and the past 11 years have been extreme. I have yet to find a provider who is willing to meet even the minimum standard of care. And it's simply been too easy place the full burden of responsibility of lack of adequacy on my (the victims) shoulders, suggesting I am whining. I do not see a single male response here. Will this one be banned?

1) I am willing to move, commute, etc.... but where ? I don't have the resources to simply hit the road. I have wasted far too much of not only my insurance carriers resources, but my families precious few as well.

2) I live about 35 miles from the regional VA on the campus of Vanderbilt U. (I actually worked there once) and another 45 from a local VA medical facility. The regional is staffed by VUMC students in training. My illigt father was chief of social work there from 62' until 82'. I am no vet, so not an option.

3) I want the same options available to anyone here. A therapy group (of any type) that does not reject me as a result of gender bias has never been available to me.

4) Are there any males on the site here? Would like to hear from some of them.

Thanx all. From the language used I can identify some actual caring folks here. And again A Big Thanks to everyone who responded.

Tom S. in Tn.

 

[Tom S. in Tn.]

One question I need to pose here;
How can I screen potential providers ??
Invariably, I get involved with one and it's only after the first pre-certed 10 visits do their underlying inadequacies begin to surface and any therapy that ever could have occurred fails.
This costs a bundle, not only in $$ but time as well. My insurance carrier is aware of this problem, and I expect changes on that level in the near future.

I just can't see starting a therapy group myself at this point. It's my turn for therapy services I'd like to understand why I can't have benefit from services already available?

Thanx again; Tom S. in Tn.