Messy night

[Deleted member 28403]

I feel lost...

Last night was seriously messed up, by which I mean mood swings. Going from euphoria to suicidality every few minutes, until I became numb.

Mostly thoughts based around a few days ago at the last therapy session.

Something went wrong then, in my brain.

Rational thinking cannot explain.

It should just be normal, but I can't get it out of my mind.

The psychiatrist was amgry because I missed a few sessions.

Psychologist that I liked and the psychiatrist talking about something.

And then, a few days ago, psychologist (T from now on), saying that I should discuss with the osychiatrist (S from now on) whether I will still see her., since I will be going to him more.

I feel lost and confused, in a way betrayed, and I don't really understand.

It doesn't make sense, what happened, but its completely logical in a way, a transfer from T to S due to a more intense theraphy and as to not have disagreements, since the therapy will be very different to till now.

I don't know what to do. I feel S hates me, and I've felt that for a while now, but now I feel betrayed by T, for some reason. There was nothing cold in her voice, but it somehow just got parsed wrong, and I've gone to chaos.

 

[Yasmine]

I don't know what to say here expect this for me it helps me to remember this
Doctors and psycs are just people too
With the ability to be influenced by others
With bills and employees to pay
And bias's of their own
There opinion isn't always right although hopefully its better informed due to their education
Being a patient can be disempowering You could choose to remember all people are equal and regroup then recall the facts as best you can and see if there is a reason you find yourself feeling like this ?
That's what I now try to do
I appreciate its not totally on topic but I hope it helps it isn't easy but it dies get easier and I find it helps my anxiety
If you deserve this treatment , really do you ? Own it ( harsh and horrible to do)
If not go in there next time with armed with the facts and in your " adult state "

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Thank you for your response

In the meantime it turned a bit better, basically, a good deal of this was a product of anxiety.

I am still going to have everything the same as normal but something went very wrong in my mind for some reason.

I dont think I understand myself anymore

 

[Yasmine]

Anxiety is horrible and a tricky little thing can look like so many other things its awful and exhausting in my experience

I hope you are OK !

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Sorta okay, my next therapy session is in circa 3 weeks :(

 

[Tinyflame]

:hug::hug::hug: @Saelben

 

[Yasmine]

Three weeks! ,that's a long time to sit with this anxiety. It sounds to me like ,other than miss appointments ( and its understandable with your anxiety so try to forgive yourself for that and just be aware that you'll try not to do it again ) you haven't done that is worth feeling anxiety about.
I think that the lack of response could simply be about language and if you write it out again maybe in a shorter way you'll have more support here ( hey I only speak English and that I do badly your English is wonderful just perhaps a little academic) and if your feeling anxious and don't feel you have any support in the world perhaps you'll need more support over the next 3 weeks
I can't see you've done anything that you should feel anxious about though

 

[Yasmine]

Send you positive and kind thoughts

 

[Justmehere]

Anxiety that gets stirred up by the therapeutic relationship and things like feeling like the therapists hates you - this is often really about the past and the brain getting super scarred the past is happening again now.

The more you can connect to this moment now, right now, by grounding, the quicker the anxiety will come and go.

I've had some weird stuff get stirred up after sessions and not really understood it at the time. It's a difficult thing to go through.

3 weeks is a long time. Hang in there. : hug:

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I've been in a bit of chaos but I think I'm slowly recovering. Lost 10 days at this point

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Went to hell and back

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Had quite an awful few days, still lost