Mini Vacation

[ashdawn8287]

I am going on a spa getaway with my fiancée this weekend.

1. I wanted to tell everyone that I might not be checking my messages and alerts this weekend, but no worries I will be back Monday and I will respond and catch up then.

2. I hope you all have a fantastic weekend. It is labor day weekend here. ENJOY IT! Do something fun, treat yourself to something special, be with caring people, but whatever you decide to do, please be safe.

3. This is the weekend of one of my sexual abuses when I was 4 years old. Only reason I know it is because my family only went to the place it happened at, on labor day weekend. I decided ahead of time to do this spa gig. I am trying to replace this weekend with new positive memories. Next year I am getting married on Labor Day. Kind of my way of saying HEY YOU WILL NOT LET THIS AFFECT YOU. I think that will be helpful. I had a huge anxiety attack the other day. It has been years. I think it has to do with my changing and healing lately. It's the first year where I have really accepted the abuse. I hope this weekend is relaxing. I just want to be with my fiancée and drink champagne and get massages. My friend flyaway told me this could be good for "healthy touching." I hate people touching me so, I am a little bit nervous and I know I will be uncomfortable, at first. But that is the very thing I am working on. Getting rid of the familiar that was bad and not right, and getting use to the uncomfortable, awkward, and unfamiliar so I can change the way I internalize things.

4. I will miss you guys. I know it is only a couple of days, but I am on here via phone all the time. I plan to put my phone away and drowned out the world for a little.

5. Any of you have any tips about diving into the unknown?

I have never been to a spa because of course I do not like people touching me. I honestly just got the right bra measurements this past year, which was huge because a lady had to come into the room and help me. First time I have ever worn the right bra size. Before I just guessed and my mom didn't really teach me that women stuff.

Also, when I am at church I notice I struggle with getting physically close to people. They are all so warm and welcoming it hurts. But I find my self literally taking a step back when people approach me to talk with me. Any tips on that?

 

[Hope4future]

Ash dawn,

No tips other than deep breathing and reminding yourself that you are safe. (You already know that:))

I hope you have a fantastic time. Healing and nurturing. You deserve it.

You're so courageous.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Thank you so much. I hope you have a great weekend because you deserve it too!

Your support means a lot, more than you know.

 

[nomedic1]

Just use that incredible strength of yours to overcome another hurdle.

 

[Philippa]

I'd say honor those feelings of yours and speak up about not wanting to be touched at your church group. You have every right to choose who you let into your personal space. I haven't known you for long, but I can't imagine you would be rude about it, and they won't know unless you say something about it.

It's hard I know. I don't always rise to the occasion when someone goes to hug me, either at work or friends, but I have done it a number of times in the past...taken an actual step back and put my hand in front of them to stop them and said " I don't want to hug", and not explain why or say sorry. They might think it's strange, or unfriendly, but it's not your problem what they think. Let them think whatever they like...as long as you feel comfortable and aren't being violated. That's all that matters. Ideally people would ask first, but many people just assume that everyone is as touchy feely as they are.

Anyway, I understand if you don't want to do this, I'm just suggesting it anyway because it can be done and people will respect your choice, and back off. I've experienced it a number of times. I've never had anyone complain or tell me i'm being unfriendly or silly. People are mostly open to adapt, but they won't know unless you tell them.

 

[ashdawn8287]

You know that is a good point and great advice. I guess I care too much about coming off rude than my own feelings, which I shouldn't. My feelings are justifiable. I get people in church are good, but it is a lot for me to handle if I don't know you. If you are close to me and I trust you I hug! I love hugs from my little niece those are the best! But as far as joining a new group and having all these strangers coming at me from different directions when I come to the meetings is hard. I am thinking, "oh my god, oh my god get away from me, STOP!" I do need to be more vocal and I do have a right to decline a hug and not give a reason for it or care if they think it is rude.

Thank you for helping me see this.

 

[KyGirl31]

Have a great time and enjoy yourself:)

 

[Flyaway]

Go have some fun! FuN! FUN! ...and maybe you can just take a moment to speak with your 4 yr old self, tell her how awesome, loved, and courageous she is.

In the past when someone has approached me and tried to hug me, I've just firmly held out my hand for them to shake it. If they make a joke about wanting a hug, I joke back and tell them hugs are $50 dollars today. It works for me! Hopefully it works for you too (hopefully no one pulls out a fifty!) :happy: ...oh once I told a guy (who's lengthy hugs were making me uncomfortable) that I was allergic to hugs... Lol! That could work too!

 

[Philippa]

Hey, glad you can see that you have rights in the matter. I still sometimes don't speak up, and just put up with a hug. We may not always be able to speak up when it's appropriate, as it is a process learning how to, and we've been so used to people just invading our space that it can be very challenging to say something. I try to be gentle on myself when I am not able to rise to that challenge, but it does feel good when I am able to, and even better when people respect my wishes and don't think less of me.