General Mixed Signals??

[Amanda_j]

My sufferer recently decided to end our relationship. He doesn't feel as though he anything to give me, that I will be better off without him. He was diagnosed ptsd 4 years into our relationship, this occurred about a year ago. Since his diagnosis he has refused to have any serious conversations with me. I didn't pressure him to talk, he continued to tell me that he trusts and loves me. Since our relationship ended he has been giving me, what I perceive, as mixed signals. He doesn't 'want' me, but he doesn't seem willing to cut all ties either. He avoids that conversation also. He tells me when he is out of town and won't have phone service, in the next breath he tells me that he can go away without notice without my permission. These kinds of conversations are common, he pulls me in, then goes back to ignoring me when I try to engage with him. I don't want to just disappear from his life, but for my own sanity, and so I can truly move on, I can't be in contact with him either. Before me, he didn't have anyone solid in his life who was always there for him. How do I distance myself from him without causing him more pain?

 

[Sweetpea76]

I would just stop initiating contact with him personally. If he ended the relationship, then that is totally normal and not hurtful. If he continues to contact you, I'd remain friendly but neutral. No relationship or love talk. It almost sounds like he WANTS a reaction or drama out of you by sending these mixed messages. If you don't give him that, maybe he will chill out on his own. It will all be his actions not yours, so any hurt he feels, he will be causing himself.

 

[Amanda_j]

@Sweetpea76 thank you. You're absolutely right. He steps into the 'relationship' category often, and then jumps out and plays the 'friend' card when he gets overwhelmed. I love him and I have allowed him to do that. Although he didn't hurt me intentionally, our relationship breakup and the circumstances around that hurt. I need to step back now, for me, and hopefully he will stop contacting me.