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Money - Or The Lack Of It...

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Sighs

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Due to a number of life circumstances money is going to be seriously tight for the next 10 months. I am really struggling with the stress of this. Its the last thing I think of as I lie awake in bed at night and the first thing I think of when I wake up.

We are unlikely to lose our home or go hungry - so I realise things are not actually all that bad, but it really worries me. I try very hard not to let my vet know how freaked out I am by it. I just can't wait for the next 10 months to be over!
 
Financial pressures and insecurity are a big difficulty for me. So I get it. I didn't get appropriate care for illness or injury because of finances. Glad you've looked at the longer view and are or have an awareness that you have an end point (10 months).
 
(((support))) I've been terrible with money -- never had a lot, but never figured out how to temper my "emotionally compelled" purchases or rather saving for unforeseeable mishaps. I've slowly gotten better about sticking to budgets, but the stress of it all is panic that always has me worry about my future as an aging, single, childless woman, with no roots.

I wish you calm and success and endurance these next 10 months, and beyond.
 
@Sighs - try to recognize that tight does not necessarily equate with catastrophe? I had to seriously do some work to accommodate uncomfortable though during stressors that included financial pressure. Play it all the way through.. the scenario... to where you come out of the 10 months of strain victorious.

Or... affirmations... like, "I am equipped to navigate this financial instability for 10 to 12 months. I have what it takes to weather a tough time and resolve/contract that I will not step in my way or sabotage. Financial security is important, important enough for me to make it my priority for the next 10-12 months. I will adjust coping as necessary to be successful for this goal/challenge." ??? (or something that reinforces your resolve and affirms that you are large and in charge and capable of dealing with the stressor. Make it personal and affirm it/read it every day for 30 days.?)
 
Financial issues terrify me. And that's an understatement! My heart goes out to you because I know it can be very stressful.
 
Privation & maybes are harder than outright loss & knowing.

I've been wealthy, and lived in poverty, and the rules are oddly similar to both.

Friday's Tight Budget Survival List :D

Basics... Don't fight about money.

- Mad money to each adult. It may only be $50 or $100 per month... But it's each of yours, in identical amounts, to spend as you please no questions asked. 50 pairs of $1 flip flops, or the most useless kitchen gadget ever, and not a word may be spoken about the wisdom of someone else's choice. Sharing is discouraged.
- Shared money, in some amount, for family frivolity purchases. Ideally, this comes out of the slash & burn (cx gym, cable, etc.). Date nights, the Sunday paper, whatever it is that you both love & agree on.
- Everyone pays for their own shit. No subscriptions, memberships, $8 coffees, bus passes, haircuts, etc. wrapped up into the household budget. Instead those all come from the private budgets. Expand your private budgets if need be. If it doesn't leave enough for bills, then you know it in advance, instead of landing flat footed at the end of each moth with "Where's the _____ money???" & recriminations about espressos, or one person sacrificing while the other blithely buys coffee at the stand every day.

For richer, for poorer... The odd similarities between wealth & poverty

- Be adventurous with your cooking/dining. One month, I had a challenge to only use bacon & eggs for base proteins. Without repeating. (Ex blew the grocery budget, and I had 120 eggs and 5lbs of bacon & what was in the pantry). Come to find, that's possible. I have a list around here somewhere of 50+ bacon & egg dishes. Everything from Pasta Carbonara to Quiche to DimSum to MonteCristos. Another are foods that seem fancy or splurgy, as they take a lot of work, but are super cheap in everything but time. Curries, for example. Big soups. Tamales. Fried rice. Serving to serving these things are less expensive than 3 meals a day of PB&J and you won't shoot yourself out of boredom. Also, big batches freeze, so you have your own convenience food in the freezer.

- Do something fun... Each and every single day. I forget all the free stuff that's around, when I have money. I get used to just heading to the cafe for an espresso and nosh, not packing a picnic & heading to the lake/ city park/ etc. It can be an adventure in and of itself finding free stuff to do. Parenting magazines help, as most parents are strapped for cash & desperate to entertain their kids. The canned food night at the local drive in theatre, classes at the community center, rope swings at the river, libraries, museums, local tourist stuff, building an obscene snowman, bathing with candles in the dark, learn a new language, conquer lock picking, tons of stuff. Whether artsy, sporty, solitary, exuberant... There's a lot around, that doesn't even cost dime one.

- A coming tide raises all boats... Don't forget those who were there for you in different times. Instead of leaving your friends in the lurch for the next 10 months (or longer)... Invite them on your escapades. Most people, I've found, are oddly exited to go play glow-in-the-dark frisbee/soccer, or meet for chess & hot chocolate, or to bring bags of food for a potluck & game night. Drinks out (and the durn bill!) happen all the time. Come to a bonfire & marshmallow roast, BYOB, on the other hand? People tend to jump at those.

- It's all about who you know...Use your friends, wisely. Barter economy, baby!!! Babysitting for carpentry or car repairs. English lessons for manicures. Volunteer for search & rescue to get use of their gym (and, you know, do good).
 
I've been there. Unfortunately I used it as an excuse to deny myself anything nice, buying the cheapest staples I could get (even if they were disgusting) and cutting out everything that wasn't 'necessary'. Bad idea. It sounds like you're already on top of the budgeting, but like @FridayJones said, don't forget you need to treat yourself too.
 
I try very hard not to let my vet know how freaked out I am by it.
Is "your vet" too fragile for you to have an adult conversation about this? If the answer is "yes", I'm really sorry about that! Otherwise, try talking about it rather than suffering in silence. Wouldn't it be silly if you were both going along, stoically dealing with things alone, when you could be sharing?

My own way of dealing with this stuff is "Yeah, this might be bad, but it's not as bad as...." (Pick some other rough patch in life.) In the event that the current situation is the "worst ever", I celebrate the fact that I've got a new item on the list that might be REALLY hard to top.
 
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My husband incurred over a quarter of a million of business debts. The long and short of it, was after liquidating most all our assets and paying out all our cash... we still owed 20K (thousand). I became ill and things became more dire. It took 7 and a half years or so to pay off all those debts. I didn't want to foreshadow your worry (justified by my account) of debt/financial pressure for 10 months. But if you can get some levity, and form a goal/plan/strategy... you can manage/negotiate this and you will get through. Discipline, practice, patience, perseverance, persistence, planning, and prayer (if you are so inclined, optional if not).

You have to though manage together... agree and initiate the financial plan. Both. You can get through this. Honest.
 
@scout86 - er... the answer is yes and no. At times we have had adult conversations about the situation and they go really well. At other times he is venting his frustration regarding the money situation - and its all my fault.

We have completely separate finances as I am financially supporting my 17yo from a previous relationship. I am also paying for her private schooling. My vet does not feel that he should have to effectively subsidize that as he did not go to private school and nor did his 3 children. I can see his point of view, but it is a commitment I made, which he knew about before we moved in together.

Thank you all for your responses. The rational part of me knows as I said that its a bit of a first world problem and that we are not in danger of homelessness or starving, but it still causes me a lot of stress. Here's to the countdown - 10 months will go by really quickly in the scheme of things!
 
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