Relationship More Of A Game Than Ptsd

[Glara]

I guess none of it matters much. I don't want to block him because of our history. We have a 30+ year history...but no future. Blocking seems drastic, but who knows? I have many things I need to move on from besides just him.

The first step is moving, literally. I have until Feb to find out if the bank will accept my offer, the townhouse is a short sale. If not I will look elsewhere. I like the idea of a townhouse because it's a community. It will allow me to meet new people, which is what I need. I have coworker friends but they are married and or have young children. I need friends that are in the same place in life as me. I feel that many of the other changes I need to make will fall into place when I move.

 

[Glara]

He's been texting everyday now. Today he got a little weird. Hard to explain how. I'm just not sure that i'll hear from him now again. I guess now I'm back to thinking it is PTSD. It's just the way he relates. I can't put into words but he's off in some way, I guess he even was when we were young. So that's why I'm thinking it's the PTSD again. Maybe even some other diagnosis as well.

My townhome has been taken off the market since I have a contract. That's a good thing. That's what's on my mind. I want to move so badly, I think that's The type of life change I need.

 

[Justmehere]

My townhome has been taken off the market since I have a contract. That's a good thing. That's what's on my mind. I want to move so badly, I think that's The type of life change I need.

Yay!!! :)

 

[Glara]

...and he's gone again.

 

[Wastinglight]

...and he's gone again.

I'm really sorry, hope it hasn't put you through the mill again.

 

[Glara]

@Wastinglight, no I expected it. And I know he'll be back too. I'm not crying anymore. In the beginning he came on really strong, I think he wanted to be more serious but he just can't. It was just so hard for me to understand how everything changed, and all the reading on here didn't change how I felt inside. I would have been fine if we had just stayed casual, which is what we are doing now. I have no expectations.

A year and half ago I thought I'd be making to plans to move there or at least buy a vacation home hear there. Now I looking to buy here. I made an offer on a short sale. If I don't hear by mid Feb, I'll make an offer on something else. My daughter moved back home and she's buying the new home with me. Things are much different this year. I've been really busy. I'm really much better than I was last year at this time.

 

[nursenurse]

So happy for you, Glara! It seems you have healthier expectations of yourself and of him.

 

[Glara]

Yes, it's definately better. And I heard from him this morning. He said it's the holidays, doesn't really matter, we can never be what I thought and I'm ok with that.

Today I went to the doctor with my daughter, she's going to need surgery. She's been having allergic nasal problems and was really struggling to breathe. She's been on prednisone for 2 weeks and feeling much better. So that'll be what's on my mind after the holidays, along with my impending move.

Like I said before, I don't ever plan to shut him out, it's just going to be different that I imagined. And that's ok.

 

[AnnaLost]

I don't know if this view will be helpful, but I have learned (the hard way of course) for myself to make no assumptions or expectations on others. I mean that, if I invite someone to come into my life, and they choose not to, that's ok. If they do show up, all the better, but until it happens? No blame, no (or very little) grieving, just...ok- that's the way it is.

The caveat that I'm currently struggling with are those people already in my life and my expectations of them. Lol didn't say it was a straightforward view!

 

[Wastinglight]

I'm not crying anymore.

That's good. Glad you're moving forward.

I would have been fine if we had just stayed casual, which is what we are doing now. I have no expectations.

If you're happy with that, then no worries. I think one of the reasons that my ex broke up with me is because I absolutely had expectations of him. But that's one reason why I now believe it's for the best that it's over. Of course, it's completely reasonable to have expectations of your partner when you're in a committed relationship - and that's the only thing I'm interested in. But clearly, a committed relationship is not what C wants. He wants to be able to "pick up and put down" relationships with people whenever he likes (that's a direct quote). I consider that to be using people, it's not cool. But then, I don't do flings or casual relationships. Either I'm emotionally invested or I'm not interested at all, I can't seem to do the in-between thing. I'm awfully black and white about this stuff!

 

[Glara]

In my case we were always long distance, didn't have cars, so it has to be casual. We still talked on the phone and he even had me call him at work. We cared about each other but couldn't realistically make a commitment.

When we reconnected romantically he got very serious very quickly. Basically said I was the one that got away and he looked for me over the years and wanted too have children with me etc. what he didn't tell me was about the PTSD and what that meant. Then he started pulling away. I ended it and that's when he told me.

I get so upset because I thought we had a future. I believe that's what he wanted. Then not only did he pull away but he told me his suicide plan. It was all so overwhelming.

I'm fine with everything the way it is now because I understand he's never going to be able to have a whole relationship, at least not now. For now it's better this way. I will see him again at some point and I will be there is he needs me, but I have a completely separate life. He doesn't want to dump his shit on me. He has no idea how bad it was for me last year, but he does know it was bad.

Basically, I'm good. Things in my life have picked up and gotten so much better.