Moving away from the city - how did you do it?

[Warrior Chicken]

I’ve lived in zombie mode for most of my adult life, using work as an amazing distraction and coping tool.

Recently though, I’ve started to realize that and also how much the noise/crowdedness/unexpectedness of the city increases my stress and ptsd symptoms.

Making the change (and ptsd sure loves change ?) to live in a quieter place is starting to make a lot of sense to me. It’s the ‘how’ of it. All the what if’s, the complete flip from what I’m used to....
The reluctance due to knowing that work is stable, mostly predictable, I know what to expect, can function there. Work opportunities in the city in my craft are plentiful, I can transfer to rural but that brings with it a very big risk to my ptsd brain, and a change in scope of my duties.

I have got up and left to try new jobs many times before this, but that was before I was diagnosed. Then it was just cut and run to the next best rush....now I’m actually craving stability. Weird, I know. ?

Just looking for any words of wisdom from the community about this, or maybe you’re going thru the same situation now and wouldn’t mind brainstorming?

 

[somerandomguy]

I moved from New York City to the middle of nowhere in Western Massachusetts about 10 years ago. Basically I found a job that was perfect for me - but I have no recollection how I found it. Once I got the job, I found a few apartments and made appointments with the landlords on the same day and got my housing sorted out. To move, I contracted a local van line that would carry all my stuff at the same time I was going out there and paid them in cash.

I think it'd be pretty difficult without lining a job up first, unless you've got a large amount of savings you don't mind burning through.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I've never had to plan and do it on my own, so I'm not much help with the logistics of it all, as we moved to my husband's old home place and he took care of the details and such. I can share that being away from the constant hustle and bustle of the concrete jungle has been a saving grace in many ways for my central nervous system, and his.

Access to nature grounds me, entertains me, distracts me, nourishes me, and provides the quiet peaceful solitude I require and crave. Other than when a couple of the distant neighbors decide to do target practice, shoot off fireworks, or blow up what sounds like 1/4 sticks of dynamite, but luckily, that's not too frequent.

May things go as smoothly as possible. Best wishes.

 

[blackemerald1]

I've lived and worked in the big cities and honestly never thought I'd leave. Loved the rush, thrived on the very things that now make me uneasy. I'd be a mess if I was living amongst all of that now.

Then I moved to very remote and found the silence crushing, the living really hard due to lack of facilities and just getting things done was tough.

So now I'm in a happy medium situation. Not the city nor the remote. Very Goldilocks lol....

Things I love are the absence of the two extremes and having the ability to live quietly where I am but also be able to access what I need now and into the future. Truthfully, I fell into this situation mostly by happy accident rather than considered planning. It took a while to adjust too. But now that I have I'd not return.

I completely agree with @somerandomguy - you sort of need to establish the income side of things. Accommodation can be temporary until you settle into the job and then if it, the place, feels good - looking for permanent housing can come when there is no rush and you are ready for that kind of commitment.

Putting stuff you won't need into some kind of storage might be a consideration whilst you determine how you feel about moving to your new area.

It sounds to me like you are ready for that kind of lifestyle. :)

 

[Warrior Chicken]

I moved from New York City to the middle of nowhere in Western Massachusetts

That’s a move!! Did you have trouble deciding or regrets? Did the job you left fill most of your time and was the new job enough to keep you occupied?

being away from the constant hustle and bustle of the concrete jungle has been a saving grace in many ways for my central nervous system, and his.

So glad that you were able to get to a place that gives you both that. This was my realization as well for the first time in my life I had a feeling of calm.....not that I knew what it was until it was right infront of me. I never knew I wasn’t calm before lol

 

[somerandomguy]

That’s a move!! Did you have trouble deciding or regrets? Did the job you left fill most of your time and was the new job enough to keep you occupied?

No regrets, but it became clear after a year or so that it was not really the place for us - too much New England insularity, too hard to make friends. But I don't regret leaving NYC for a minute. I loathe NYC. But Western Mass was really beautiful, the most beautiful place I've ever lived. We went hiking or swimming every weekend.

 

[Deanna]

I never have lived in a city so I am rural. Just responding because you said the crowdedness/unexpectedness, is increasing your symptoms. I get pretty weird when it comes to living on a box and when I'm crowded on the interstate. I have to leave and get home in 3 seconds. My place is very small but I have ? and it's laid back. I also live back from a highway. It's not crowded but can be sometimes. I'm far enough back I really don't hear anything other than a Harley or Semi.

Definately get a job before you move. In a rural setting, you have less opportunities or the number goes down. As far as your stuff.. I'd sell it and just bring what I absolutely, couldn't live without. Craigslist and other selling sites always have furniture from someone that gets replanted by a corporation.

Be sure to hit our posts with a " like" if we've helped you. Thanks and good luck!

 

[Mee]

I love living rurally and do not miss the city very often at all.

However; I will caution that it is absolutely ideal for avoidance of some things and can make sensitivity to some triggers worse.

I have been able to pretty effectively isolate for two years thanks to rural living and amazon prime. Going into a town once a week for therapy. And that’s exhausting because the noise, the speed, the hustle.

Overcoming the environmental ease for some of the more isolating tendencies post trauma is going to be a little challenging because it is easy to blame where we live /responsibilities and not put in the effort.

The Goldilocks solution suggested sounds like a good idea. While I would love to live in a tower on an otherwise uninhabited island that want for more isolation is .... probably a trauma response.

And finally someone else who doesn’t like NYC . People always look at me like I have grown two heads because it’s not in my greatest cities of the world list. Or US really.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

I will caution that it is absolutely ideal for avoidance of some things and can make sensitivity to some triggers worse.

That makes sense to me and thanks for mentioning it. As you are aware of it, do you ever practice pushing that avoidance loop away? I could see having to work hard to make sure it doesn’t take over.

It often makes so much sense to me to protect from cumulative stress to keep symptoms down. But I often don’t notice that the stress has built up in the first place. Takes removing myself entirely from that environment and the stressors to realize the impact. That usually comes after others have noticed and my camouflage has worn off....so to speak.

I think perhaps I enjoy suffering, reminds me I’m alive. Often feel punishment is required if I get too comfortable. So, the fact that I’m even considering moving rural means.....progress away from my norm.

Perhaps. A good thing? Not sure. Cautious.

 

[Mee]

That makes sense to me and thanks for mentioning it. As you are aware of it, do you ever practice pushing that avoidance loop away? I could see having to work hard to make sure it doesn’t take over.

.

Since PTSD, no. Before, even though I loved being alone, yes. Though it was an effort often.

Yesterday I went to the hairdressers and the stimulation of being in an urban environment and talking small talk and such left me depleted because I have been in a position where I have been able to pretty much isolate since. Apart from therapy . And yeah, it’s super unhealthy- even loners and hermits are Human and humans are social animals. Even annoying work colleagues are a social niche!

I am looking for ways I can challenge it :).

 

[blackemerald1]

Yesterday I went to the hairdressers and the stimulation of being in an urban environment and talking small talk and such left me depleted because I have been in a position where I have been able to pretty much isolate since.

^I do get this. I used to enjoy the 'pampering' of the hairdresser because it was such a rare thing for me to do. Growing one's hair long sort of negates a hell of a lot of visits and I used to cut it myself so really not many visits. But when I went I used to enjoy it.

I got it all cut off a while ago - to make it easier to manage - :rolleyes: and I didn't like the experience of sitting there in the salon, getting my hair done... one little bit. It was exhausting. I had to concentrate on being still. So much going on around me. I was actually apprehensive. What the hells wrong with me.. I was paying her for to do this to me and it should have been a ok experience. I've shut down so many of these 'pleasant' sensory experiences with isolating too. I was exhausted when it was over and relieved to get back to my car and get home. Thanks ptsd...

Isolation becomes such a comfortable way of living. I've gone to extremes to be that way and yet I'm surprised by my own dismay when I leave my little cocoon to do something different and I hate it? I need an attitude adjustment. :confused:

 

[Warrior Chicken]

I’m told that humans are social animals too...and with that, it’s further evidence we must not be human since socializing is so corrosive for us ?