My Anxiety And Panic Attacks Won't Let Me Study...

[J_trustno1]

I've been trying to study for the last 15 hrs but I have only managed to get 1 hr of work done in those 15 hrs. I've been thinking too much and prior to starting this course I was getting heart palpitations, stomach upsets and diarrhea.

Today I've been trying to study and all that was happening in my head was:

1. I'm not smart enough for this course because this is business and I'm from science background.
2. I'll fail because other students are smarter than me
3. Other students especially Indians (note: it goes back to my abuse history, my primary abusers were my own race) will make fun of me if I don't do well, if I don't know how to solve some mathematical question or do a presentation in front of the class. They will judge me because I'm different from them. They will laugh at me.
4. I'm scared of good looking Indian guys because they are the ones who are arrogant and narcissistic. My fear is doing mathematical problems or presenting in front of them.
5. I'm an introvert and I can't be a good project manager because I'm a coward who avoids conflict and always get run down by other people. I'm always the one who ends up doing other people's work and scared of rough people.
6. How can I lead other people when I'm the one who is seeking therapy and taking antidepressants to manage myself which is hard enough. I'm just not strong enough to handle a herd.
7. I will probably just fail because I'm not good.

Note: I really really want to do this course because it involves everything I've been running away from all my life. It involves self-discipline, time-management and teamwork. And I have been avoiding these three elements in my life. I do want to face it but I'm too damn scared of what is in my head...

Sorry for bombarding this forum with too many questions. I promise this will get better and I will post less but I'm having trouble managing this..

 

[Deleted member 28403]

First, no need to feel sorry for posting, posting is good :) It gets the stuff out :hug:

Now I get how you are feeling, I've been in a similar state for a while. Failing a lot because I've been too stable to study.

I wish I knew how to get out of that, but know you are not alone :hug:

 

[J_trustno1]

thanks Sael for the kind words :hug:s

 

[Bloomy]

I've been trying to study for the last 15 hrs but I have only managed to get 1 hr of work done in those 1...

You can do this Jass - I belive in you *hugs*