My Apology - To My Body

[James B.]

Junebug, you are right that the physical therapy makes it more sore. Then when the sore muscles heal, it's better in terms of supporting my weight. This past few weeks have been good exploratory work. Getting set up and beginning to try and save the damaged leg.

I started a cleansing diet routine some time ago, intermixed with regular food to 'slow down' the release of toxins. Years and years of toxin buildup, including having been addicted to nicotine. The release of toxins brought with it major symptoms of parasite. I started to do a parasite cleanse (herbal) but began to feel fairly sick. So, I am going at it more slowly, and may bring up the subject with my doc.

Am not so bummed that my old activities are probably a thing of the past, I am bummed managing daily and chronic pain, the type of stuff someone suffering from fibro could perhaps relate to. My acupuncture doc has warned me the work we're doing could have emotional repercussions.

And through all of it, my whole life...all those years living with a major disability, yet still trying so hard. I tried so hard to work and have a normal life. I guess my ability to have relationships of any kind may have been damaged. My relationships with my parents and siblings being either a lie (the truth) or totally dysfunctional and abusive, right from the start.

Guess I'll add an apology to my brain, also.

 

[James B.]

Tried yoga? Its not a perfect fit for me, but it is related in a way to body memory.

Jacquie, thanks for the idea, a good reminder.

I would like to try Yoga, my leg is too stiff and tender, so perhaps after this initial phase, I'll work with my acupuncture doc and see what he says. Weight lifting is key; it's painful as it goes but the lack of support (from the weakened/fused muscles) and the atrophy is what's making my leg so painful; excess strain on the groin tendon, and on the myofascial adhesions running from hip flexor to knee.

Today I swam a little, and did water exercise for over an hour. And drank 1.5 liters of water. Then slept. Tomorrow it's acupuncture with electro-stim (major). Am certain I abused my body through overuse, and that for me intense sports were many things, also at times a form of self harm. So this is the beginning of a new healing phase for me.

 

[James B.]

Let me say this also, about my apology to my body.

For a few months now been drinking a popular lemonade commonly used for a thing called the Master cleanse. It is an awesome supplement, seems to help me feel better, more substantially so, than I have in many years. In terms of a clear mind, clear skies and pretty smooth sailing. And feeling more "anchored" emotionally.

But the symptoms of parasite, and the toxin release are, in my case at 54 coming after many years of hard living, pretty significant. Am not trying to discourage anyone, but if you begin a detox, or any kind of cleanse, improving and adding diversity to your body's ability to process the toxic stuff (like perspiring, very healthy ask any sauna devotees) is probably going to become a necessary thing.

What is interesting, and maybe not immediately evident, is the total number of ways to stress reduce, alkalize, detox or cleanse, and how some of this stuff overlaps and is interconnected. Fasting (or doing a lemonade cleanse) should be alkalizing because there's no acid ash residue (what is left after the food/fuel is burned). And after the initial impact of clearing the toxins, should be a stress reduced state, since now the mind/body are better nourished, not just using up the limited available resources trying to protect us (you me, all of us) from the toxins inside us, and in our immediate environment.

Stress, in my mind, my body and life, may be more of a chemical state, and thinking about it in fundamental chemical terms helps me realize: stress is a reaction. In some ways involuntary; the air is polluted, your system works harder and uses more available resources for fighting off the poisons, than it would if you were breathing clean ionized air.

That is one kind of stress. And stress is...a reaction.