Relationship My boyfriend disappeared

Kitty.A

Learning
So me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and been friends for a about two year before hand, he’s a veteran that’s served in Iraq and and has pretty back anxiety, depression and PTDS. Things have been been amazing between us however he disappeared on me the last thing he said to me was “ goodnight I love you” on Tuesday night and now it’s Saturday and I haven’t heard a peep from him he’s actually blocked me. But he hasn’t just blocked me he blocked his best friends too. We’ve never had any issues in the relationship and we have very open communication which is why I’m so surprised cause he normally just tells me when he’s struggling but this time he just dropped off the face of the Earth and no one can reach him. Could this be his PTSD?
 

Kitty.A

Learning
In another thread, I got some great advice about how, just because shitty behavior may have it's roots in PTSD, it doesn't mean it isn't shitty behavior. And that it's really ok to be angry at them.

I know you're worried above all else. But when he shows he's face again, I'll bet that worry turns instantly into anger (if it isn't already).

I'd be so so pissed at him right now. This isn't right.

I'm so sorry.
I don’t think I’ll be angry to be honest, I just want him to be okay. I don’t think this is just shitty behaviour cause in the whole time I’ve known him he’s never been like this. He’s always been supportive and caring and normally he communicates what’s going on. He’s disappeared for a day or so before but never this long.

The worst part is I can’t even just turn up at his house, cause he lives in the US and I’m in England
 

Friday

Moderator
The dropping off the face of the Earth thing is horrid, and it’s not fair. That sucks. I had to put my foot down about that early on… just tell me you need some space and I’ll give it to you no questions asked. However making me think you’re dead in a ditch somewhere is a no-go.
Ditto.

I have zero problem telling someone to go take a couple of weeks and go clear their head… but doing so without touching base FIRST, or taking a few months instead of a few weeks? Means we’re not dating. Friends & f*ckbuddies can drop in & out of my life without a word, but a partner has different rules/standards than friends do. Full stop.

I’m so surprised cause he normally just tells me when he’s struggling but this time he just dropped off the face of the Earth and no one can reach him. Could this be his PTSD?
Yep. It could very easily be PTSD/Isolation kicking in / crashing down.

It could also, just as easily if this is wildly out of character for him in the past 3 years, be any number emergencies (have you called around to the hospitals, morgues, jails, yet?); or generalised assholery (on a bender, hooked up with a stewardess, dodging a loan shark, visiting a sick or dying relative & not bothering to let you know, etc.).

Until he actually resurfaces? There’s very little way to know WTF he’s doing, where, or why.
 

Kitty.A

Learning
Ditto.

I have zero problem telling someone to go take a couple of weeks and go clear their head… but doing so without touching base FIRST, or taking a few months instead of a few weeks? Means we’re not dating. Friends & f*ckbuddies can drop in & out of my life without a word, but a partner has different rules/standards than friends do. Full stop.


Yep. It could very easily be PTSD/Isolation kicking in / crashing down.

It could also, just as easily if this is wildly out of character for him in the past 3 years, be any number emergencies (have you called around to the hospitals, morgues, jails, yet?); or generalised assholery (on a bender, hooked up with a stewardess, dodging a loan shark, visiting a sick or dying relative & not bothering to let you know, etc.).

Until he actually resurfaces? There’s very little way to know WTF he’s doing, where, or why.
I wouldn’t even know where to start with trying to call around, as I said I’m in the U.K. and he’s in US and trying to figure out where to call is intimidating at the least. He’s never gone on a random bender in the whole time I’ve known him, even his best friend who’s known him for 9 years says that’s not in his character. He don’t like clubs or bars cause having that many people around him makes him anxious. He’s never really been one for breaking laws either so I really don’t see him being arrested unless someone triggered him and he got into a fight or something. And calling morgues is my worst night cause I know he has suicidal tendencies and has attempted a few times before I met him. I also know he’s been messing around with his meds he said he doesn’t want to need them so I’m wondering if maybe that has something to do with it?
 

Friday

Moderator
I wouldn’t even know where to start with trying to call around, as I said I’m in the U.K. and he’s in US and trying to figure out where to call is intimidating at the least.
It’s pretty easy, on this side of the pond, unless it’s alcohol/drug treatment or a psych hold that has laws against disclosing whether or not someone is receiving drug/alcohol/psych treatment without signed consent.

Hospitals
Just google the town/city he lives in, or one better his exact address, and hospitals “close to me” (IE the address you’ve typed in). On then map portion of google there will be an A-Z list with the closest listed first.

The general information line (800 prefixes are free, here, but only sometimes free internationally) will have database access to all current patients & their room number / be able to connect you directly to his room, if he’s been in an accident, or has Covid, etc.

Most people go to the hospital closest to their home if they’re poorly, but if they were away from home when they fell ill, or were injured away from home, or have insurance that only pays for certain hospitals, may be farther out. So it’s worth calling all the major ones listed but starting from the closest to him. My city has about 25. Many smaller cities only have a dozen, and small towns are lucky to have 1.

Jails
Are far faster as they aren’t private, all you have to do is call the county jail and they’ll have a record of any arrests… even if he’s not being held at that facility. The automatic systems in more populated counties don’t even require you speak to a person in most places, you simply type in name & date of birth, and the system searches for you (since arrests are a matter of public record).
 

Freida

MyPTSD Pro
I also know he’s been messing around with his meds he said he doesn’t want to need them so I’m wondering if maybe that has something to do with it?
good possibility -- I have had some messed up reactions when my meds are changed
If he's a veteran you could try calling the VA - they might help try to find him if he's a "veteran in crisis"
Or they may totally blow you off so don't count on them

Just an idea...
 

HisWife22

Sponsor
I don’t think I’ll be angry to be honest, I just want him to be okay. I don’t think this is just shitty behaviour cause in the whole time I’ve known him he’s never been like this. He’s always been supportive and caring and normally he communicates what’s going on. He’s disappeared for a day or so before but never this long.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intimate that he's just being a jerk. I'm probably projecting a bit from my own situation, which is not fair. :)

Any word?
 

Kitty.A

Learning
Do you have contact info for the best friend, or can you find best friend through social media? Could be another way to get info on what's happening.
He’s blocked his best friends too he’s blocked everyone

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intimate that he's just being a jerk. I'm probably projecting a bit from my own situation, which is not fair. :)

Any word?
Still nothing
 
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