lil_fighter
Confident
I have lived with my boyfriend for 3 years and we met 4 years ago. Earlier this week I arranged something for our 4th anniversary, I booked a table at a restaurant we really like and found a really good deal as it is usually expensive. All paid for and ready to go, I know that if I don't arrange things nothing will ever happen as he finds it hard to make plans but is usually happy for me to arrange things. My bf was excited about it and knew in the lead up to it what we the deal included - I would be happy to buy anything extra he wanted as well, as he is unemployed and has been for two years since being made redundant. Anyway so the day itself came and he began complaining about what the restaurant would offer and was looking at the menu saying it will be too much for him because he has had acid reflux lately and finds it hard to eat large meals. Ok, fair enough. So I told him we could still go and just let the waiter know, no big deal. He continued to complain - I believe he is on the autistic spectrum and he also feels this may be the case but has not been diagnosed. He likes things to be a certain way and he doesn't like anything new. Something on that menu he hadn't had before seemed to be bothering him. He kept complaining to the point that I asked him what he would like to do for the day and if he would rather we go somewhere else. I anticipated an argument and as we argue frequently over silly things (but arguments have become more intense and heated) I told him to tell me there and then as I am unable to deal with the stress. He decided that we should cancel, so I did. On that day later on he chose to go to a local cafe to make up for cancelling plans and he had a big burger with fries - no acid reflux, he was fine. That evening he checked the confirmation email I had originally got from the fancy restaurant and he realised he had misread and at that "actually, we could have gone after all." After all that drama.
The next day, he started on at me about Covid and the fact that I am due to return to work and doesn't want me to as he is worried about my health. I reassured him and told him measures have been put in place, I will be partly working remotely and will only go in 2 days a week but he started shouting at me and getting really angry. It made me cry and was very triggering as he got so angry. The argument went on and on until he decided we should go out to a park to get fresh air. We did and again, when we were out he was messing around as if nothing had happened.
The day after that, I went to stay at my mum's place for one night just for a break as I found the past two days a bit stressful. I went back and he was all low and depressed about not working. I gave him a pep talk as I always do and he then began talking about his anxiety that he might have a heart attack one day. He has never had issues with his heart - I have. I have a genetic condition and he knows that but he said the fact that some of my family members have passed away due to heart problems makes him worry about himself (not sure about this logic).
That evening we argued again and he told me to "get out and go to your mum's!" He has been telling me lately to "get out" and then takes it back and says it was "in the heat of the moment" and he changes his mind. He told me to go for 1 week because he thinks we're arguing so much lately that he's worried about my health and him giving me stress. I went to my mum's feeling all over the place and unsettled - I didn't expect to be packing a suitcase and getting out of my own home. I then get a message that evening telling me to come back, saying that he has changed his mind and he thinks we can work this out after all. This is just an example of a week of arguments with him and how they go. We have cycles like this and then we go through stages of getting along really well. He sees things from his perspective only and never understands the impact of his words, he can be very tactless. For me this is so upsetting, being told to leave my home and yes I know I don't have to and i should tell him to go instead but I feel so vulnerable and shaky that I went ahead and left. This is not the first time he has done this. He doesn't have friends, doesn't work and I feel mentally he is going through something as these strange impulsive things are happening more and more. I am at my mum's place and I feel like I've tried so hard in this relationship that I have no more fight left. I feel like he gaslights and is emotionally abusive but then I tell myself that it is because he probably has autism and he just doesn't get it and he means well. It is so hard. Just needed to vent ? I am 31 and just feel so stuck and confused. My mum thinks I can do so much better, she is finding it triggering because she left my dad who was violent many many times and packed a bag and went to her mum's (when she was in her 20s before I was born). My bf is not violent but I find him unpredictable.
The next day, he started on at me about Covid and the fact that I am due to return to work and doesn't want me to as he is worried about my health. I reassured him and told him measures have been put in place, I will be partly working remotely and will only go in 2 days a week but he started shouting at me and getting really angry. It made me cry and was very triggering as he got so angry. The argument went on and on until he decided we should go out to a park to get fresh air. We did and again, when we were out he was messing around as if nothing had happened.
The day after that, I went to stay at my mum's place for one night just for a break as I found the past two days a bit stressful. I went back and he was all low and depressed about not working. I gave him a pep talk as I always do and he then began talking about his anxiety that he might have a heart attack one day. He has never had issues with his heart - I have. I have a genetic condition and he knows that but he said the fact that some of my family members have passed away due to heart problems makes him worry about himself (not sure about this logic).
That evening we argued again and he told me to "get out and go to your mum's!" He has been telling me lately to "get out" and then takes it back and says it was "in the heat of the moment" and he changes his mind. He told me to go for 1 week because he thinks we're arguing so much lately that he's worried about my health and him giving me stress. I went to my mum's feeling all over the place and unsettled - I didn't expect to be packing a suitcase and getting out of my own home. I then get a message that evening telling me to come back, saying that he has changed his mind and he thinks we can work this out after all. This is just an example of a week of arguments with him and how they go. We have cycles like this and then we go through stages of getting along really well. He sees things from his perspective only and never understands the impact of his words, he can be very tactless. For me this is so upsetting, being told to leave my home and yes I know I don't have to and i should tell him to go instead but I feel so vulnerable and shaky that I went ahead and left. This is not the first time he has done this. He doesn't have friends, doesn't work and I feel mentally he is going through something as these strange impulsive things are happening more and more. I am at my mum's place and I feel like I've tried so hard in this relationship that I have no more fight left. I feel like he gaslights and is emotionally abusive but then I tell myself that it is because he probably has autism and he just doesn't get it and he means well. It is so hard. Just needed to vent ? I am 31 and just feel so stuck and confused. My mum thinks I can do so much better, she is finding it triggering because she left my dad who was violent many many times and packed a bag and went to her mum's (when she was in her 20s before I was born). My bf is not violent but I find him unpredictable.