My Daughter Got Beat Up By Her Husband Last Night While She Was Asleep

[Loner]

I am so sorry you have to deal with this, her too, and the little ones of course. In my opinion, nothing is going to give her the ability to protect herself and her kids like a handgun and a concealed carry permit, but thats not for everyone. You're in my thoughts and I hope you all stay safe.

 

[ms spock]

Order Of Protection.

Thanks winterose!

 

[ms spock]

Your daughter is extremely lucky to have such a wonderful supportive mum. Let us here be your support too.

She is indeed lucky to have family.

 

[ms spock]

Don't start me on guns...... :banghead:

Yes me too...

 

[winterose]

You're welcome Ms Spock...:)

 

[ms spock]

She has one very good friend who has been trying to get her to leave him for the emotional and verbal abuse.

Emotional and verbal abuse are often the first warning signals about domestic violence. They are the precursors.

 

[ms spock]

But honestly, she would be better in a shelter in the time being while things get cooled off and a decision \ direction taken and to be able to evaluate the level of danger with this man. I imagine this is not the first time he's hit your girl ... cause if it is, she should really go to a shelter as this is a sign of a huge escalation.

Being in the shelter would give her a wide access to resources, assistance and help as well.

 

[Philippa]

Just read this now. I've been at work all day.

I don't know what to say that hasn't been already said? I think you are all handling this situation very well, and with a level head. I'm very glad she decided to take action, and did not just return to him or protect him, like many victims of domestic violence do. She has real strength, and so do you. It's a testament to your character that you have taken her under your wing, with so much on your plate already.

That man is scum. He deserves whatever he gets, and I hope it's a huge ass-whooping.

Emotional and verbal abuse are often the first warning signals about domestic violence. They are the precursors.

I've read that they often escalate, but people on the receiving end very rarely think it will...until they are bruised, and then it really hits them, (no pun intended)

Being in the shelter would give her a wide access to resources, assistance and help as well.

Shelters look like any other house, so she will be safe there. He will not find her. I stayed in two at seperate times, and they were not so bad. The people in charge will help her in practical ways, as well as offering counselling and any help she may need. It's worth considering.

 

[The Albatross]

I am really glad your there for your daughter and grandchildren Giz, and glad that she had the courage to go to the police when he put his hands on her. It brought back some unpleasant memories, reading what she went through. I just didn't trust myself enough to post yesterday. It makes me sad and angry when things like this happen.

 

[anni]

I'm sorry to be so far behind with this thread Gizmo. Your daughter, grandchildren and you will be in my thoughts and BIG prayers today. More like directives when there's this kind of conversation with God, as in ' HEY now LISTEN YOU! '. So far no lightening bolt, but I'm pretty quick.

You wished to know what to say to one of us, what helped, what would have helped? Gosh. Anything which enabled my head to believe 'it' was all going to be ok, realistic or not. I always had 'plans', things I knew I could/would DO, some course of action in case the *sswipe showed up. Maybe having her 'game' some of these would help- I don't think I ever did talk any of them over with anyone. That probably would have been comforting- given me some more validation. Ok, a couple were a little kookoo and extreme, perhaps not THOSE. Still- she really should have it in her head she is not powerless. Abusers have been at it for aWHILE by the time they haul off and start smacking us around. They've been busy undermining confidence, isolating, ensuring their success.

You've been hearing about yes, please document everythinggg, take photos, write down every, single sneeze and blink she can remember. Interesting the father chose to bail him out, leaves him open for serious repurcussions if his son does one, single objectional thing while out. I do not believe in poking rabid dogs, but these awful people got that way the same way alllll bullies did. The first person became intimidated, it worked, somehow the abuser's tighty whities were imagined to be bigger, so they looked around for people with whom to replicate that feeling. No one was ever able to successfully say STOP THAT, until too late. ( The tighty whities don't get any bigger no matter who they beat up...... hee. ) I never did get a good grip on what to do, how to treat him. I do know he liked it the more terrorized I was plus the more he could fool people about how he was really a swell guy.

I'd have to say just hopefully try to help her feel not so much like he's some omnipotent, all-powerful, creature. It's how my head viewed mine for a long, long time. He seemed to have all the power, I had zero so the balance felt like that. He's basically a rabid dawg, yes a dangerous one but an animal, not a person you can deal with on equal terms. I think if someone had said to me hey, look, he's a kook, this is more than awful, we're all in crisis yes. But. He isn't a god, be mad, be careful, do everything possible to stay safe safe safe and keep your head yourself. It might have helped my perspective a little, helped me feel less terror and also might have helped in not having that fear grow completely out of control later.


I very much hope this hasn't been too long or kind of preachy, especially given your moment-to-moment crisis mode right now. I really AM trying to reach back into my memory, sort out the fragments from when I was in your daughter's place. There's an awful lot. Some is just plain missing, some is out of order 'historically', makes me a little crazy. Please do know we all really, really are here for you. If there's anything an of us can do, please say so. Some here have an awful lot of hard-won experience hence advice, from an enpowerment perspective now. For now, hope you feel my prayers today, sending also much Peace and Light. (((((( Hugs Much ))))))


ps. Visualisations don't have to be tough. It's pretty much just making stuff up in your head. My therapist at the time had me do some, inclusive of some which seem a little hysterical 2 decades later, sooooo blood-thirsty, oh my! I have to say as an outlet they were helpful, though. No idea why, someone who knows this stuff could probably fill us in.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you for your prayers and your support of me at this time. I have not talked to her yet today and I will have to call her pretty soon. She had a gun but the police took it with her husbands guns.

I will try to talk her into going to a shelter. She is not going back to him so do not be concerned about that. I personally would like to see them go into a shelter now. He has a stay away order for ten days. Then she will go to court and get a permanent one. I am waiting for him to cut off all the bills. I will try to get her phone on our bill and then she will at least have a phone.

My husband is very sick again but I do not know what it is this time. He does not have a fever. I may have to take him to the doctor today. I am going to have to get ready to do this.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Well I talked to my daughter and he is coming to the house at nine. A sheriff will be there. He is going to pick up his vehicles. She will call me after it is all over and she will come over here and I will put her phone on my account. Scary stuff. He will behave himself with a sheriff there. I do not know if he kept his job. He is supposed to stay away for ten days. We have to take it a day at a time.

My husband is telling me to not be anxious about him. But he just recovered from pnuemonia and I am afraid he has it again. His tempurature was normal but his forhead is hot. I am trying to remain calm and do the things I usually do in the morning. I managed to take a shower and that was a good thing. So that is taken care of.

I will try to talk her into going into a shelter. The problem is that she has animals and is very attached to them and worries about them. They will not allow animals into the shelter. I will have a very hard time talking her into going. Well that is the update for now. I hope for the best and I prepare for the worst.

I hope he gets to keep his job because then he will not have thrown everything away and will have a reason to go on.

I am so afraid for her and the kids. I am trying so hard to remain calm.