My daughter has PTSD too

[blackemerald1]

So we are talking 12 years ago? At age 13. Hmm.. that's interesting indeed. I think I can understand how you feel @Zoogal - I think being the parent of a minor - I would have expected to be told so finding out now, so many years later. I would feel surprised.

Was your daughter undergoing treatment? Being seen by a professional? Being diagnosed? How was all of this happening without your consent/agreement/knowledge?

I say this from the position of a parent who had a child in treatment and nothing happened without me being consulted. Though consultations were without me present, I was called in separately on regular occasions to be updated on progress etc. It was a collaboration between the specialist and myself and other professionals who were involved. We all wanted the same outcome. A healthy, happy child. So, I needed to be a part of it.

However.... was 'the abuser' still with you or significantly in your life at that time, or in the life of your daughter? Maybe it was deemed too risky to divulge this information to you because of circumstances that you had no control over. Idk..

 

[Gs172003]

So we are talking 12 years ago? At age 13. Hmm.. that's interesting indeed. I think I can understand how you feel @Zoogal - I think being the parent of a minor - I would have expected to be told so finding out now, so many years later. I would feel surprised.

Was your daughter undergoing treatment? Being seen by a professional? Being diagnosed? How was all of this happening without your consent/agreement/knowledge?

I say this from the position of a parent who had a child in treatment and nothing happened without me being consulted. Though consultations were without me present, I was called in separately on regular occasions to be updated on progress etc. It was a collaboration between the specialist and myself and other professionals who were involved. We all wanted the same outcome. A healthy, happy child. So, I needed to be a part of it.

However.... was 'the abuser' still with you or significantly in your life at that time, or in the life of your daughter? Maybe it was deemed too risky to divulge this information to you because of circumstances that you had no control over. Idk..

She was in therapy and was in and out of the hospital a few times. I was very aware of those. I was never made aware of her diagnosis however. As far as the person in question no. They had been gone for four years by then.

 

[Justmehere]

How about now? How are you and your daughter doing now that this diagnosis is known?

You are mad at the hospital for not telling you... have you been working through anger towards the perp? They strike me as the party to direct your anger.

 

[Sideways]

I was very aware of those. I was never made aware of her diagnosis however.

What would the diagnosis itself have changed for you?

Is it “If I had a diagnosis, I could have...”??? Because it sounds like your daughter was getting the support available. Is it realistic to now think that a diagnosis would have altered the outcome?

If that’s not it? I couldn’t agree with @Justmehere more. If you feel angry at the hospital, those are your feelings and they are what they are. But it seems to me that of there’s anyone to be angry at, it’s the perp...

 

[shimmerz]

I do agree with you. As having a minor child with a diagnosis, you should have been informed. At that time a plan should have been put into place to help your daughter. You as a parent should have been given the option to support your daughter in her diagnosis.

Privacy laws should not extend to minors. That's why they are minors. Because they rely on their parent's support.

 

[Kubash16]

Privacy laws should not extend to minors. That's why they are minors. Because they rely on their parent's support.

Not all parents are created equal. Having that privacy gives the kid a chance to have someone trustworthy to confide in. I agree that it would have been helpful for OP to know the diagnosis. But what if OP was an abuser or protecting an abuser?

** edited to add, I’ve seen the consequences of a parent being given information by the therapist. My nephew shut down entirely, it destroyed his trust and now he has a hard time even considering talking to another therapist. All that was talked about were his nightmares and a few key things he had said.

 

[shimmerz]

But what if OP was an abuser or protecting an abuser?

What if they were a stand up parent who would do anything to help their child? Honestly, I am not big with 'the state' keeping things from parents. Pretty sure that keeping the parent involved in the treatment plan would allow the medical supporters to see more clearly the dynamics of the home and if there were issues with parents drs. would see that and be able to help support the whole family.

Or better still, put in the treatment plan a suggested path of family therapy. Not sure that just ignoring that the child has parents is a great plan.

 

[Kubash16]

There’s a reason so many kids stay silent. Not all parents are created equal. Some would do anything for their kid (I’m sure OP falls into that) but there is a large number that don’t. How is the therapist going to determine which it is until they’ve built trust, then what happens when that trust is obliterated by the therapist talking to the parent? Many T’s don’t even tell their adult patients a diagnosis, preferring to focus on symptom management.

 

[The Albatross]

Not a fan of "what if". True enough: "Many T’s don’t even tell their adult patients a diagnosis, preferring to focus on symptom management." Though for a minor, particular since the daughter appears to have been diagnosed with PTSD - I agree that the OP and daughter would likely have been better served had the family been involved in a therapeutic treatment plan.

 

[Kubash16]

Why do y’all think so many kids hide things from their parents? I’m just saying I would lose all trust. Look around the forum and you will see how many parents are not stand up parents and the kid would be punished. Why take a dangerous chance?

 

[scout86]

I'm going to second what @Kubash16 said. I guess, if I'd been sent to a therapist when I was a kid, I probably would have been smart enough to keep my mouth shut if if known the T was working for my parents, not me, but I'm not sure I'd have caught that distinction. I can understand why parents would want to be told what's going on. For good AND bad reasons. And it seems like, most of the time, some kind of family therapy would be a good idea.

I don't see this as "the state" keeping information from the parent. It's a case of who is the relationship between? If the therapist/hospital are actually working for the parent, not the child, the child needs to know that. Interpreting that calls for a pretty complicated thought process from a kid and doesn't actually get the kid any help. And isn't helping the kid the point?

 

[Gs172003]

You all are making good points. I understand that but all parents are equal and they had no idea whether my daughter would be put back in the situation or not. That said.. knowing would have made things made more sense. I knew why she was doing what she was doing...to a point. But at the time I was years from being diagnosed myself so I knew absolutely nothing about it so maybe I would have done things different.
As far as the perp...I am very angry with him for them. If I could get by with it o would kill him over them. For some reason Im not angry with him for me. It's a strange paradox.