Cut him off. He has no right to treat you or your daughter that way. Don't pick up the phone if you see his number, don't answer his emails unless they are courteous. Tell him if he wants to come to your home he has to act civilized or he will have to leave. Tell your daughter to do the same.
If he retaliates by saying he'll cut off the money for your daughter's school, so be it. Don't put a price tag on you and your daughter's well being and piece of mind.
It took a huge amount of persuasion to convince my father to help me just with buying my textbooks. I put a whole lot of unnecessary energy and grief into trying to persuade him to help me pay for tuition, but he refused, again and again. Finally I realized pressing him would not help anything or anyone and stopped bringing up the subject around him. It was a huge relief. I had a huge amount of anger toward my father for many things and for quite a while I just kept my contact with him to a minimum until I was at a much better place emotionally and ready to reconcile.
It is entirely possible that if you and your daughter just have some time apart from her father it will give both parties some time and space to cool down and think about the situation. I know what I'm asking you to do is not easy, but I've been through a very similar situation and I can honestly say that's the best thing you can do for yourself. Ask yourself this question; "Which would take up more of my mental, emotional, and spiritual energy and strenght, continuing to partake in my ex's drama, or creating healthy boundaries and keeping him at a distance until he decides to act decent around me and my daughter?"
