My Fear Of Abandonment Strikes Again

[Justmehere]

I’m struggling with recurring nightmares of my therapist abandoning me.


There is NOTHING she has done that would indicate that she is anywhere near that. It doesn’t seem to make a bit of difference.

Last week, I had a tough but good session. My therapist had said during the session that she knew we were “pushing into one of the hardest areas for you.” She reminded me she was available if I needed extra support. (I rarely ask for it…) I went home and outside events triggered the same issues that had been stirred up in session. I fell apart. I ended up calling her and she called back and it was really helpful.

That night, I had a horrible nightmare she texted me to tell me never ever to contact her, or any other counselor in my state. Not logical, it was a nightmare, but it felt so real that when I woke up, I had to check my phone just to reassure myself it wasn’t real.

The next day, she initiated texting me by saying she hoped the day was going better. It was really nice to get a text like that. She had never done anything like that before, and I don’t expect it to happen again. I did respond and I told her things were was going better. I also texted “Please don’t give up on me yet.” She reassured me she wasn’t.

And just a few days later, here I am again. I woke up the last two nights with nightmares of two significant people re-abandoning me. And I also had nightmares of my therapist abandoning me. The dreams are different each time, but follow the same pattern of everything seeming ok, and then getting some text or letter or email out of the blue telling me that the person had rethought everything and not only were they leaving, but they warned others of me as well.

I do think I need to probably bring it up with my therapist, but I feel rather foolish and hopeless about this. I wonder if I will ever stop fearing that people will abandon me in the same way I was abandoned as a child. I'm concerned that getting caught up in this will increases the chances of it becoming true, but I don't know what to do. I welcome any thoughts or suggestions.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((Justmehere)))
I DO think you are right about letting her know about your recurring dreams of being abandoned!! She needs to know so she can help you the best way she can! She sounds AWESOME, and like she is in it for, and with you!!!

I know that this fear is one of the worst, my best friend has dealt with it her whole lifetime, and never got counselling. It has paralyzed her for much of her life. It's a horrible thing to watch and not be able to help!

I believe it takes a brave person to confront their fears, especially the fear of abandonment! I think you have a lot of courage to keep at it. Anytime there is a 'good' session, there will be triggers. She knew that and gave you extra support. Not all therapists would do that, I assure you!!!

Try remembering that our dreams, are our subconscious mind trying to 'work out' the puzzles and pieces of our lives', and not predictions of things to come! Also, tell yourself, out loud if you can, that you are 'safe'. Repeat in as many times as you can every day. Our minds believe what we say, if we say it enough, and saying it aloud 'takes control' and states a 'fact'. When you hear yourself say it aloud, it will be good for you. You don't even have to believe it. Saying it will implant the thought, and the more you remember to do it, you will hear it more often. I hope this makes sense!

Don't give up, and don't give in to your fear! I know I make it sound simple, but I know it is very, VERY difficult!!!

Blessings & hugs (if okay) :hug:

 

[Sally sue]

OMgosh! I totally have those kind if dreams except in mine something awful has happened and I see my T and I can't get to her, she's surrounded by other people and doesn't notice me, argh! It's soooo upsetting! I have told her about them, although I feel foolish, but it does seem to make it feel better to get it out of my head and into the open.

I'm sorry you have to struggle with this... I'm sorry I have to struggle with it :)but I suppose the only way to get past the fear, is to keep plugging threw it. I can't tell you how many times I have begged my T not to give up on me!!! She always is reassuring :) but I wish so much I didn't feel this way! I guess maybe that's why I'm in therapy ha!!!

Keep muddling along :)
Sally sue

 

[Jane.l]

Yes I do all of the above but I am trying not to beat myself up about it at the moment - I am going with,its understandable and it's ok

 

[Justmehere]

Anytime there is a 'good' session, there will be triggers. She knew that and gave you extra support. Not all therapists would do that, I assure you!!!

Yeah, I sure do know that not all therapists would know that or offer extra support! She was really kind. Ironically this is what seems to make me concerned she is more likely to leave... like out of resentment that she invested so much in me. I know, I am a mess about this.

Try remembering that our dreams, are our subconscious mind trying to 'work out' the puzzles and pieces of our lives', and not predictions of things to come!

Good reminder! Thank you for this and all the encouragement. This is really tough to face.

@Sally sue - I am sorry you struggle with this too! It can be so intense... I'm glad to hear that it was helpful to share it with your therapist. That gives me hope maybe this can get a little easier... if I can find any courage to tell my therapist.

@Jane.l Thanks for understanding

 

[Justmehere]

Yesterday, I was missing my therapist. I had another nightmare last night. Today, I feel nothing about her. I just feel so sad and keep thinking about the abandonment that has happened in my life. It is so weird that I just feel nothing about my therapist in the middle of this. I'm not afraid of her abandoning me anymore, not right now. I don't know if I am just numbing this out or what.

 

[Sally sue]

Yep, that sounds like numbing so you can protect yourself from the possible pain of the future abandonment :( argh, I sure feel this way too! It's like being on a flipping roller coaster all the time :confused: