My friend in heaven

[unbrokenn]

I saw someone online yesterday with his name and I spent an hour researching it hoping it was him alive. But then I realized he’s dead and he’s never coming back.
I wish I was there towards the end but I wasn’t and I live with that everyday. I miss him every f*cking day. Every time I think of him I cry. It’s been a while since February but I still miss him so so much. I feel so alone.

 

[Ronin]

February is no time ago... too soon.

Youre not alone... You have you, and everything he ever gave you, and every good moment you had together, and every bad moment you gotten through together, and he’ll always be there, in your heart.

You maybe werent there, body, but its not like you left him. Nor did he leave you, for everything good of him, you keep that.

 

[unbrokenn]

February is no time ago... too soon.

Youre not alone... You have you, and everything he ever gave you, and every good moment you had together, and every bad moment you gotten through together, and he’ll always be there, in your heart.

You maybe werent there, body, but its not like you left him. Nor did he leave you, for everything good of him, you keep that.

Thank you for that. That literally made me cry. He was so young when he died. We knew each other since middle school. Out of all people, why him.

 

[scout86]

Out of all people, why him.

My T says I'm not allowed to ask questions that begin with the word "why". (He relented and said I ask ask HIM, if I absolutely have to, but I can't ask myself.) Because those questions usually don't have answers and because they are kind of a way of making yourself feel while avoiding the issues. (He said it better than that.) When I force myself to reword it, I usually find there's a better question.

Anyway, everything @Ronin says is true. Our real friends become part of us and we become part of them. But you still miss them too. I've got a few people in that "why them?" category and I miss them a lot, whether they died months ago, or decades. I figure it's the price we pay for the good they being into our lives.

 

[unbrokenn]

My T says I'm not allowed to ask questions that begin with the word "why". (He relented and said I ask ask HIM, if I absolutely have to, but I can't ask myself.) Because those questions usually don't have answers and because they are kind of a way of making yourself feel while avoiding the issues. (He said it better than that.) When I force myself to reword it, I usually find there's a better question.

Anyway, everything @Ronin says is true. Our real friends become part of us and we become part of them. But you still miss them too. I've got a few people in that "why them?" category and I miss them a lot, whether they died months ago, or decades. I figure it's the price we pay for the good they being into our lives.

You’re right. I did all I could. He’s still with me and he won’t die as long as I’m here. I wish he could’ve done teenager stuff like getting his license and taking the SAT, but it just hurts to know he won’t get to. I just hope he’s at peace.

 

[pam4him]

So sorry for your loss. Sounds like you are still grieving and that's okay. It hasn't been that long, and honestly, it never goes completely away, we just have to move forward with their absence. It's not easy, but it can be done. Be more gently and loving to yourself as you work through this. As for the not being there, it can't be changed, but I bet he knew how much you loved and cared about him. Try to talk to and treat yourself as you would a close friend who would be going through something similar. He would want you to find a way to keep going. Prayers for peace and strength on your journey.