I don't know about the level of your gf's abuse but I also was abused as a child. I was much younger, but my abuser didn't live in the same house.
I told my Mom about it after 3 years (because usually abusers threaten you and as a child who trusts a parent figure you listen and keep silent). You also feel like an enabler on the abuse, it is a strange feeling.
I also didn't have trauma therapy but I chose a degree on psychology and that helped me I think,
However, therapy brings up passed trauma. Opening a wound doesn't always help us. She is maybe dealing with things with other ways. I also do yoga, meditate, go deep in my thought etc but I think those require a strong and somewhat healed psyche. Abuse is mostly about damage control. I am still very silent about my abuse, i don't want people to define me with it. I am successful, good looking and I want to be seen like that. Am I shallow yes... my abuse also causes us to fear intimacy, although I think I have no physical intimacy issues, I do have abandonment issues. Which is a fear of intimacy actually.
So coming back to you. I have a hard time understanding your need for her to have a spritual journey. Maybe she is having a journey in her own way. Maybe music heals her, maybe cooking heals her... maybe xanax helps her sleep better and she heals in her dreams. i personally lost lots of sleep when I was abused, and I love my sleep.
I am not on these boards for my PTSD. Most of my therapists tell me my trauma didn't effect me that much. but i do have anxieties, worries and a mistrust of the world. My brain and psyche has been changed.
Coming back to you. Maybe you need to do some soul searching. i am sorry, I do nit know you and I can be very direct with my words. So I hope you hear this well from a compassionate place. She chose you for a reason. You guys are dating because your subconscious is also looking for a healing. so why does it bother you that she is not
going to therapy. It sounds like she is not destructive... is she upset? Or depressed? Or not functional day to day?
To me, if she can take care of her child, has a few friends, can keep a job that is success for someone who has been abused and then went to foster care.
I would just try to create good experiences and maybe stop the need to rescue or fix her. She is just perfect where she is and her time will come when she is ready to go deeper into her wounds.
My best supporters were people who held my hand and were almost a step behind me. They never went ahead and pulled me... i hope the helps...
I told my Mom about it after 3 years (because usually abusers threaten you and as a child who trusts a parent figure you listen and keep silent). You also feel like an enabler on the abuse, it is a strange feeling.
I also didn't have trauma therapy but I chose a degree on psychology and that helped me I think,
However, therapy brings up passed trauma. Opening a wound doesn't always help us. She is maybe dealing with things with other ways. I also do yoga, meditate, go deep in my thought etc but I think those require a strong and somewhat healed psyche. Abuse is mostly about damage control. I am still very silent about my abuse, i don't want people to define me with it. I am successful, good looking and I want to be seen like that. Am I shallow yes... my abuse also causes us to fear intimacy, although I think I have no physical intimacy issues, I do have abandonment issues. Which is a fear of intimacy actually.
So coming back to you. I have a hard time understanding your need for her to have a spritual journey. Maybe she is having a journey in her own way. Maybe music heals her, maybe cooking heals her... maybe xanax helps her sleep better and she heals in her dreams. i personally lost lots of sleep when I was abused, and I love my sleep.
I am not on these boards for my PTSD. Most of my therapists tell me my trauma didn't effect me that much. but i do have anxieties, worries and a mistrust of the world. My brain and psyche has been changed.
Coming back to you. Maybe you need to do some soul searching. i am sorry, I do nit know you and I can be very direct with my words. So I hope you hear this well from a compassionate place. She chose you for a reason. You guys are dating because your subconscious is also looking for a healing. so why does it bother you that she is not
going to therapy. It sounds like she is not destructive... is she upset? Or depressed? Or not functional day to day?
To me, if she can take care of her child, has a few friends, can keep a job that is success for someone who has been abused and then went to foster care.
I would just try to create good experiences and maybe stop the need to rescue or fix her. She is just perfect where she is and her time will come when she is ready to go deeper into her wounds.
My best supporters were people who held my hand and were almost a step behind me. They never went ahead and pulled me... i hope the helps...
