General My Heart Is Aching Right Now

[Tricie]

This is a very difficult topic for me to discuss so please listen to my heart.

Yesterday morning I woke up to a group text from a very close friend of mine.
She began to share with our intimate circle of sisters about how her 13 yr old daughter our niece was raped in her home.

My little niece disobeyed her parents rules and while her mom left to run an errand, invited a boy over to her house and up to her bedroom.

While the little brother was in their parents bedroom playing on the computer the boy forced himself on my niece.

My friend found out second handly by a few friends her daughter confided about the situation.

As she shared this graphic story with us and how my little niece's innocence was stolen from her it hit me on such a heavy level.

My boyfriend will be moving here at the end of the summer and he has two tween daughters. One who is 11 yrs old and the other 13 yrs old.

I see life through these children's eyes.
Also one of our other friends who is apart of the sister circle shared another side to not necessarily this situation but how some of these teenage boys are being chased and seduced by some teenage girls.

As you can tell this is a very sensitive topic so I ask you to truly be respectful with your response.

I am currently hurting because my best friend shares with me what's emotionally going on with her baby girl and I am trying to be there for her however currently am having a hard time talking to her verbally over the phone.

I think that the 4th of July weekend will never be the same for any of us again.
I have been calling some local sites to get some help and I am going to in the next few days.

This turn of events has set me in a downward spiral, I got laid off from my job at the end of May so this has given me a lot of time on my hands and the job search has been very slow.

I want to be there for her and I need to get some professional help too.

Just in the last day I have been feeling socially withdrawn and am crying all of the time. I know some people may say well it wasn't your child so you shouldn't be affected and my response to those who choose to think that way is that YES it is my problem. She's my little niece and it hits home for me because in the future my man and I are going to get married and I will have two little girls to care about.

Showing love, care and compassion starts way before you have your own children. I have known this little girl since she was born. So I understand that some people may not feel the same way as I do and you are entitled to your feelings but to those who maybe empathetic to others needs you don't know how much my heart is broken right now, or how sad and depressed I have become or how I am pushing people away because it's too painful to talk about or how I am sleeping to much to hide the pain.

So I am crying out to anyone who is willing to listen with a non judgmental
ear and to please offer encouraging words of advice.

Thank you for listening to my broken heart.

 

[ladee]

Of course it is going to hurt us when someone we love is hurt. That speaks volumes about you. You didn't say if this was a 'trigger' for you, and if it is, that makes the feelings even more intense. It's ok. You are ok. And the fact you are seeking help is a very good thing.
I hope you and your future husband get a chance to talk about this.. He really needs to know how deep your concerns and worries are, about your soon to be step daughters. That is a very legitimate concern today. For all parents, the world over. We hope so any way...
I personally am glad you reached out to share your pain.. and to hear you are seeking help. Only a truly caring person feels empathy for others and then knows when it it time to learn how to express that. Just be honest with your friend... let her know you love her, her daughter, but you just don't have the words to express yet.. meaning you will have the words..
Sending you gentle hugs . This is a very painful experience for all involved. Your niece has an awesome support group around her...and you will learn balance with your soon to be step daughters.. Just always remain true to yourself.. it doesn't matter if others understand or not... it's nice when they do, but it's really ok if they don't.

 

[Tricie]

Thank you ladee,
Um I am not sure if it's a *trigger* I just know that it hurt so bad.
I truly appreciate your heart felt words they truly mean alot. This is horrifying and for it to happen to someone I truly love hurts even more.
Since this posting; I spoke with a counselor at the rape crisis center. It was so good to have such a safe environment to share what was going on.
Today, I am having a high moment also one of the points the counselor shared with me is to find my new sense of norm.
As I described to a friend I am taking baby steps. Yes, once my boyfriend gets here I will share with him what I have gone through because honestly I don't if I am going to have triggers at some point in the future.
Once again thank you so much! I can feel your heart in the response.

 

[ladee]

Happy to hear you got to speak to someone. It does help to ground us when we are pain and we can't get settled. Great idea to speak with your soon to be hubby.... you are going to make a great step mom.... glad you are here !! Gentle hugs.

 

[Tricie]

Happy to hear you got to speak to someone. It does help to ground us when we are pain and we can't get se...

Awww... Thank you Ladee...
Last night I had a good nights rest and it feels good that I have people to talk too.

 

[Tricie]

Today... I am slowly picking up the fragmented pieces of my heart. Before the rape of my little niece my world wasn't necessarily stable however now I have to pick up the broken pieces and try to find the new navigational system since my world is upside down.
I have to keep working on the projects that I was currently working on.
Please excuse me for sounding selfish and no fault of her own ( niece) but now I have to unclutter all of this crap that's in my head. This has truly re-shaped my world and I am very guarded about who I talk too. I am afraid that I may lash out at someone who isn't empathetic to the situation.
So I just remain silent and journal my thoughts and talk with my other friends who are apart of the sister circle.
I don't feel like hanging out with friends right now and I don't want to hear people asking me what's wrong.
I just want to pray and continue working out my problems.
Right now.., I don't have the words to share with my sister. I had to share with one of my other close friends not to
place so many unrealistic expectations on me to keep the group together. I AM BROKEN right now and no I don't have the answers nor am I going to pretend to be strong right now. So I am sorry if I disappoint my friends besides the mother of my little niece I don't care about how the other friends feel.
Since I know how explosive my temper can be at times I think before I respond. Sometimes it's just easier for me to go incognito for awhile to some people so I don't have to share what's going on. and the horrible incident that has rocked my world....

 

[Tricie]

I am having a hard time right now... I just finished talking with my mom over the phone and through the entire conversation I started getting irritated.
I think it was because she called me while I was in the middle of responding to my best friends text.
My world feels topsy turvy right now and all I want to do at moments is cry. I feel like I am in a glass house crying out for help...,
None of my other friends know what's going on. I don't want to talk over the phone or leave the house right now.
What's supposed to be a happy holiday is filled with so much sadness.
I guess I am just having a hard time right now...

 

[ladee]

Very understandable. Do you have a Therapist you will be able to sort this out with? Seems it has really thrown you down the Rabbit Hole. We are here for you, so keep posting ... gentle hugs

 

[Tricie]

Thank you Ladee,
I am in the process of getting one. The crisis hotline counselor provided me with a local number.
Also, my friend sent me a text sharing that I am the only one who has bee reaching out to her daily.. She thanked me for being a true friend.
When I mentioned this to the counselor she told me that people handle trauma differently and how some of the friends maybe afraid to reach out.
She hasn't shared this news with her parents or in laws or siblings yet. It's really a very difficult time.
Sometimes I wish I didn't feel others emotions on such a high level.
My friend did say that the materials I sent her were very helpful when she was talking with her daughter since she didn't know how to address this issue with her.

 

[ladee]

Happy you are trying to find a T to help you thru this... you seem to be very proactive so this helps to get things moving.. we can only be in that pain for so long.... wishing you much success with finding someone you are compatible with..

 

[Tricie]

Happy you are trying to find a T to help you thru this... you seem to be very proactive so this helps to...

Thank you.. It's a process let me tell ya.
I am trying not to hold the selfish ways of the other friends against them.
My patience for lack of compassion runs very short.

 

[ladee]

Mine too, but understanding that holding on to what others are doing or not doing is not helping us to do what we need to do... Our work is hard enough without adding to the upset about others. We have no control, say so, or influence... others do what is right for them. Doesn't mean the others lack compassion, they possibly simply do not know what to say... so , in a way, silence is better than saying things that can not be unsaid.