My husband accidentally/unintentionally triggered my ptsd

[Anon004]

This week my husband was sick with the stomach flu. Two days ago we were laying in bed together in the morning and he said he was feeling better so I started cuddling up to him and started to playfully touch and kiss him. This scared him as he said "he felt very weak and I felt very strong" and he forcefully said no and moved my hand away.

This triggered my PTSD as I was sexually assaulted 10 years ago when I was 19. I felt like I was a rapist and I was hurting him and I still do, just in the way he said no and moved my hand away. He said it was nothing I did, it just scared him that he felt so weak, but I feel so guilty and I have flashbacks to my own sexual assault and now I can't even look at him without feeling guilty and ashamed.

I know he wasn't feeling well and that he didn't mean to trigger my PTSD but I feel it's put a strain on our marriage right now and I don't want it to and I don't know what to do... Any advice..?

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you ok with being told "no"...? Or was it all in the way he said it?

 

[Anon4]

Are you ok with being told "no"...? Or was it all in the way he said it?

It was all in the way he said it. I'm ok with being told "no" but the way he said it made me feel like I was really hurting him.

 

[The Albatross]

Here's the thing, managing triggers or working with them through therapy or exposures is your job. It is not anyone else's problem if I trigger... and in the longer term it is better to work them through than the deteriorating effect they have on people and relationships.

 

[EveHarrington]

My guess is that it's your perception that there is a strain on your marriage and your husband probably doesn't feel the same. I think this issue could be alleviated by open and honest communication with him. Right now there is a lot of mind reading going on.