My Mommy Says "boys Will Be Boys"

[Kopuve]

So I just wanna be clear here. Is this sexual assault? I told my therapist about this and he said it wasn't boys will be boys. He also says I'm being manipulated and then I started crying and asked if it was molestation and he said it didn't sound like it was that far.

I'm just really pissed, and shocked. And angry. And I can't believe my parents don't even CARE. Why did no one tell me this before? What the hell happened? This realization is terrifying.

 

[Kima]

I think it qualifies as sexual assault, yes.
I think your mom doesn't realize what's happening, and I don't think your therapist really does either.

Read this article.
Maybe you could even print this article out, take it to your mom and therapist and tell them this is what he is doing:
http://www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/Behaviors/grooming.html

 

[Isa]

Is it sexual assault?

I always say no. He says stuff like "but my mother just died. But we're dating. But it's Valentine's Day." So somehow it turns into yes, and then he says I like it.

Without knowing what state you are in, how old you were when it started, and how old he was when it started, it's almost impossible to say. But - what he's doing is extremely manipulative, and it's wrong, wrong, wrong.

Your job is this: break up with him. He is causing you severe emotional distress, which can't be making you happy.

If you don't want to break up with him, then you need to tell him very firmly that it's going to stop, as of now - and if he doesn't want to be with you under that condition, then you don't want to be with him.

He's breaking the intention of the law, whether or not he's breaking it to the letter. I'm so sorry that your mom is totally blowing it as a parent right now. It might be good to get her in for a session or two of therapy with you, so you can express what will be a complicated set of emotions in a room with a mediator who can help you.

What he's doing isn't OK.

 

[Lagi]

This is a longer read, but worth it:
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/01/coerced-consent-yes-means-no/all/1/

 

[Ditac]

It is sexual assault, if you give a damn about yourself, dump him and look for a true gentlemen. Your mom is wrong to say what she said.

 

[Ikeb]

Also, ANY FORM OF UNWANTED TOUCH IS ABUSE. Don't let anyone else tell you it's not. (sick of people here not knowing this stuff then giving 'advice') :banghead:

 

[Kopuve]

Is it weird now that the more I think about it the more I want him to wake up choking and suffocate and maybe even die tomorrow/today (?)

Oh my I'm awful.

 

[Kopuve]

I dumped him over the phone about three-four minutes ago. Said I wouldn't be seeing him on Saturday. I also told him that "no means no" and that coercions were not right and that what he did could be considered sexual assault. He was just shocked. "I'm sorry you're feeling that way ----,I wish you had told me earlier. I don't know what to say right now" I had TRIED.

I feel free and relieved. I told him not to contact me anymore and then I blocked his number. I did it over the phone, which Google says is a dick move because it doesn't offer closure; but it did for me.

 

[Esem]

Congratulations dear! I hope others will dump him the same way. You should stay proud of yourself. And tell your Mom why. He doesn't deserve "closure." If he bothers you, report him as a stalker.

 

[Favab]

I am so happy for you! Yes, you did try, and he didn't listen. he is only shocked that you meant what you said earlier. He knew, so didn't let him tell you that he didn't.

You are free!

 

[Ojara]

I told him not to contact me anymore and then I blocked his number. I did it over the phone, which Google says is a dick move because it doesn't offer closure; but it did for me.

Good job. You aren't responsible for his closure; only for yours. That would be true under ANY circumstances.

Seriously - get your mom into therapy so you can get mad out loud in a safe place. That's just my opinion, but I think it will fester if you just try and stuff it down, you know?

 

[Mogu]

but my mother just died.

This is the worst proposition for sex I've ever heard.