News My Nephew Got The Death Sentence

[Shellbell]

This is so sad. So many victims.

Surreal does seem like the perfect word.

I am glad that you had cut contact. You don't have to have people so toxic in your life just because you are realted to them.

I'm really sorry this is all happening. So sad.

 

[intothelight]

(((Gizmo)))

This is a person that made their own choices. Sad situation and I am glad that you cut off contact when you did. But so many of us here grew up in horrible environments and yet, the majority are really good people and wouldn't hurt another person. A bad environment may play a part in it, but eventually a person's actions are their own choice.

I hope you don't feel any guilt associated with this and his actions. The little boy you remember was a child who's parents should have helped early on. Your family was also one of his victims and I am just glad that your family wasn't harmed any more than you already were.

Deb

 

[Ice_Fire]

(((gizmo)))

Yes, it is surreal. What an odd situation to be in. But he is a disturbed young man and has destroyed lots of lives.

The turtle thing is odd, an indication of what a toxic person he is.

(((hugs)))

 

[NarcSis]

(((Gizmo)))

We can't control how others turn out and separating a toxic element was obviously the best choice for you and your family.

I've had to make the same choice in the past when a cousin of mine was found guilty of second degree murder. I knew him growing up but as his behaviour began to sour, we had to go our separate ways.

It is surreal. Trying to wrap your head around a relative taking another's life - yes surreal. It's not on you and has nothing to do with you other than a past connection. Keep that separation. Protect yourself from his impact on your family, allow the compassion, this is your strength.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thanks guys for the support and encouragement. It is just a weird situation. I am trying not to dwell on it. But for the first time since we seperated, I feel free of the guilt of abandoning them. I see it as a wise choice that was very hard to make.

I really appreciate all of your feed back. It really helps me to put it into proper perspective.

 

[Abstract]

Gizmo,
I very much agree with what TrebleMaker said.
Early cruelty to animals along with arson and petty crime are huge indicators of serious problems and things like that are not something that an aunt would be able to magically fix, sadly. He may very well have psychopathic tendencies.

So sorry for this. Take care.

 

[nimkekaa]

I'm so sorry. You must have a million mixed feelings going through your head. Big hugs

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you so much Abstract and Nimkekaa. It really helps me alot getting others views on this. I just feel so weird. I feel sadness, I feel relieved that he got caught and brought to justice. He is off the streets. I feel haunted by this. I feel connected to him by family ties. I could not believe he was smiling in the court room on the news.

I feel sick to my stomach. I feel safer. I do not feel so bad about walking away. This has tortured me for years. I always felt so bad leaving the kids behind. But Deb said something good. Lots of people had troubled pasts and did not choose to go down that road. I am thinking about personal responsibility. He is responsible for what he chose to do. I will get over this. I keep on following the story in the news. It is just so weird and surreal.

I see now that there was nothing I could do. I for year, felt like a rat jumping off a sinking ship. As I get older things become more clear. I understand myself better now. I really appreciate the responses it is helping me to sort through this experience. Thank you so much for being there.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Others said it perfectly that we can not choose our family. The decision you made to separate yourself and your immediate family from that chaos was a wise one and the only safe one to be made IMHO. I am so sorry you're going through this, I know it has to be difficult to endure just dealing with the announcement let alone the other emotions it drags to the surface. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you Loveneverfails. It helps so much to hear your words. We were the parents victims until we seperated from them. Of course they wanted contact with us to use us and take advantage of us. The little bit I heard was they have had it very rough. I remember when I wrote my husbands sister a note and said I would not try to save her from herself anymore.

The rest of the family did not like what we had done. My husbands sister began to use them and once they got tired of rescuing them they began to go easy on us. But that took years. What a mess. Thank you again. I really appreciate your response because you are not feeling good right now.

 

[Loveneverfails]

That must have been hard to wade through, waiting for the people you care about to trust your judgement and understand why you did what you did. I'm glad they finally came to understand in the end. Must have been painful to watch too, while they went through what you already did.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Wow are you perceptive! You hit the nail on the head. It took along time for them to begin to get it. We switched roles really. We were the enablers for them, then we quit, and my in laws and his brother were enablers. Over time they began to complain about them. It was a great validation. Very unexpected. Now his parents are dead. She took her inheritance and moved out of the state.

We were really glad about that. It was a nightmare. I am remembering all of this stuff now. I had alot of hard feelings towards my husband at first because he had torn loyalties between me and his sister.

He was complaining but he kept on enabling her. It got really bad by the time we broke off contact. Thank you again.