Supporter My New Husband Is A Vet With Ptsd

[Sweetpea76]

That was the most helpful thing that I learned when it came to lashing out. Just remove yourself from the situation. Calmly say "I cannot listen to you anymore while you are lashing out at me. Call me when you calm down" then leave. That does two things. It keeps things from escalating to a bad place, plus it shows that you are serious about that boundary. You refuse to listen to verbal abuse.

It works wonderfully for my vet and I. We aren't perfect. He still lashes out some, and I still stress him at times, but it has cut it way down. That, and with this method, we never get to a really hateful spot.

 

[NewWife777]

Good advice Sweetpea, thank you. Your relationship gives me hope :)

 

[StrongHeart]

My vet recently did something unexpected when he was in the middle of lashing out. He asked me if he could hold my hand. He said that his lashing out happens when he's afraid that we are not connecting, that I'm judging him, or that I'm angry with him. So in the middle of the nastiness, he asked if he could hold my hand. I gave him my hand and he held it tightly until his anger subsided. It worked. His therapist said it won't work every time, but he thought it was a good idea to try. I don't know if this helps or not, but I know that understanding where the anger originates helped me a lot.

 

[kahlan]

That is great :)

 

[StrongHeart]

Thanks, Kahlan. I don't know what happened with the random posting. I couldn't find a way to delete it.