I am maintaining at 12mg...unbeleivable! The rehab has been amazing. I have met some people in real life that are more supportive than I could have and did not expect to form such good relationships. We also have aftercare and will meet once a week and we also plan to meet at someones house (alternating) at least once a month to have a pot luck just to make sure everyone is staying on track. We are all in the same boat with our addiction issuses and it is nice to have people understand and accept you for your failures and the mistakes we have made. We all are very understanding towards each other and there have been a lot of positive changes in aothers lives through the help of the group. I have not relapsed on the pain killers and have been drug free for over three weeks. I had a bit of a relapse the other day, well about a week ago. when my dog ran off and I had to chase her, like run two blocks and we almost got hit by a car both her and I , well I was shaking so bad from running and the increase in adrenalin that even after deep breathing my entire body was skaking, it looked like I had parkinsons and my heartrate was 140..I do not have any benzos of my own but I ended up takin two of my mothers. I thought I was going to have a heart attack if I didn't. I had gone about two months with no benzos but I HAD to. So, I just have to realize it was the situation and not get mad at myself! I need to refill my muscle relaxers so that if that ever happens I can take one of those instead of the benzo..maybe that would ne a better idea. I had also not taken my atenolol that day so that contributed. My anxiety and panick and the shaking of my entire body that was sooooo uncontrollable scared me and of course that increased my heartrate. Though....it all worked out I told the doctor and he was understanding so I just have to continue to take it one day at a time... I am doing it.
My son is continuing to do great..is getting more independant in the morning, loving his drama club and still is looking forward to school and going with no arguments in the morning. I am so proud of him. He needs community hours for highschool so I have to start looking into volunteering for him. He would like to go to the humane society so I have to start arranging that.
There is another girl in rehab that is very churcch oriented and I am thinking about trying out her new church. I am also getting some information about a meditation group here in my area. I am also going to bring my Mom to a family counselling session they offer at the rehab. One of my goals for when we are done is to join the gym, have my son go with me and also to take the dog, with my son for a walk 30 min..three times per week. I need to start slow but would like to do some muscle strengthening exercises as I have lost a lot of muscle due to my back injury and now that the pain is down to a minimal after the decompression this is actually an option! So..I am making sure that I have a plan in place after the threee week rehab is over. I am definately going to stay connected to the group, in a group setting. I found a new hairdresser in the group and another girl has two children with aspergers and we talk and have a lot in common. I am getting back out into life! So..the next goal is to stop isolating and I have plans and goals to make this work. I never would have thought a year ago that I would have such wonderful positive things to share. It is a total improvement and I look forward to getting up in the morning! What a wonderful feeling! I am proud of myself for the first time in a very long time and I beleive that is truly adding to this success story. I AM doing it!!!
