Sexual Assault My Secret Story

[WonderingWhy]

:wave:********NEWS FLASH*********:bounce::bounce::bounce::dance::dance::applause::applause::applause:

:D I told my daughter the overall summary!!!!!

It was hard to get out, I was so worried how she would take it. I was:cry:crying so hard. Poor kid, waiting for me to manage to get the words out she was guessing horrible stuff. Some of what she guessed while I struggled to speak.
I had cancer
I was dying
I wasn't her "real mom"
Her dad wasn't her dad
I had another kid
I killed someone

The reaction when I got it out was actually a bit of confusion, and actually relief. She didn't understand why I thought she would be disappointed in me. Or why she would think less of me or love me less.
She's my :angel: sweet angel.

:rolleyes: I might need to get "him" a body guard. She did remember him, from one of the times he approached me when she was there. She said "It's a good thing I don't have a gun, because I would find him and shoot him."

She also said that over the summer she would go with me to go to therapy so I could get there!

The only thing she didn't understand really was why I didn't ever report it. I did my best to explain and even showed her a recent article about the exact subject in the news. She asked if I could still report it or was it too late?:rolleyes: I explained that yes, it was much too late!

Over all I think it went VERY WELL!!!!!:D:hot:

 

[cherryblossom]

Well done WW :thumbsup:

 

[ptsdkate]

I'm SO glad you talked to your daughter, WonderingWhy! It's wonderful that she'll be there to support you as you work through this. And of course she doesn't love you less or feel disappointed in you. None of what happened is your fault. None of it.

As for why you didn't report it, I can see how that happened - after having "superiors" tell you it was your fault, and others actually assault you, why would you have felt like you could trust the person to whom you'd have reported these incidents? I wouldn't have had the courage, either.

In both cases their behavior was such that at least in my mind,I made a choice to be in control instead of possibly no choice so I willingly went along.:thinking: Now it seems rather stupid and doesn't really make sense.At the time it seemed to make perfect sense.:(

I did something similar, WW. After I was date-raped at age 19, I continued a relationship with my assailant for several months, because I felt that if I did that, I was in control. I felt like it would erase the fact of having been raped again, 11 years after my first assault. It's amazing how we can bend reality in our minds to avoid facing trauma. From what I have read here and elsewhere, it's a common behavior in survivors of sexual assault. So give yourself a break on feeling bad about this, okay? :hug:

You're doing a great job of getting all of this out. :applause: (And in case you're worried - your descriptions are still not clear enough for anyone to identify you. :) )

 

[Blutarg]

Well done. You did it :applause:!! And I am so glad your daughter is supporting you too! Isn't that awesome?!

I think what ptsdkate said about superiors laying blame then assaulting you, then not being able to trust them is very true.

I think you are going from strength to strength and I hope you can see it :D.

You go girl ! :thumbsup: :hug:

That is what I hope pray and working towards.:praying: Unfortunately right now it seems like all I feel is danger and fear.:goingtocry::help::banghead::trapped: I want to break free from that more than most anything!!!!!!!

It takes time but it will come eventually :hug:

 

[felix]

It is wonderful that you spoke to your daughter Link Removed. I am not surprised that she doesn't think less of you - just to reiterate - none of this was your fault! You are doing brilliantly getting what happened out in print.

 

[KAT]

I'm very happy for you and your daughter. :) I have a daughter too that I have had to share some hard memories with. Some men are just no good and creepy, but not all as my counselor says.:eek:

 

[rosie]

keep going :) theres no shame writing on here just take a deep breath and write it once and for all, no one will recognise you how can they? its password protected and you haven't put your name and lots of people are in the military :) well done coming this far.
I say again we are here to listen to anything you have to say, go for it!:) vent away every one needs some time out for themselves this is your time!

 

[Nyx]

Wow, WW! o brave of you to get this all out! I hope it helped - I know it helped a lot when I wrote down my stories..
It's horrible you had to go through these happenings, but I'm glad you survived. You're alive and kicking and that's all that matters. Plus, you have support from your daughter now. :applause:
Up, up, and away!:thumbsup::hug: