Sufferer My Social Struggle

[jagem]

It's so hard for me to socialize because of my PTSD and since I was a child when I suffered from physical and emotional abuse there is no "who I was before the trauma." People attribute my anti-social tendencies to my personality and it hurts. When I was in high school I got nominated to homecoming court and I had a lot of friends but it's hard to show my friends that I care without seeming "creepy." Eventually it gets to the point where people just assume I don't want them in my life. Whenever I try to open up and tell my close friends why I come across as not caring, I seem crazy because telling people about my trauma triggers me. Hopefully someone else can relate to this. I really do care but I'm afraid to trust because I'm always afraid that someone might gain the same power over me that my dad did. If you read this far, thank you for reading a very large post

 

[Kay-Os]

Hello...

I'm new here, I'm a little bit blunt sometimes... but it's coming from the right place. Anyway...

*sigh* I can definitely relate to this... but luckily for me, I have told my friends that I'm not an overly affectionate person... however, this doesn't mean that I don't care. It's just me. My "caring" is measured by my actions. I do my best to make an effort to visit once a fortnight. Listen to them... etc etc.

Regarding trust: very hard one to overcome... however try your best to remind yourself... "normal people don't go around destroying other human beings" in other words... the chances of your friends even being interested in "power' is very slim... and also... if they happened to abuse your trust, it says more about their character... than yours.

What I usually do... is offer my support and attention to my close friends. Tell them "you've never been an affectionate or expressive person, but you care and love being around, even if it doesn't seem like it"

 

[henamedmeowl]

Jagem,

It's hard for me to socialize too...that trust thing for me is like I never know if they will use my openness against me if they will exploit it because if they do then maybe I won't be able to come back from that..maybe that will push me over the edge. So I find myself keeping a lot of distance emotionally between myself and others...eventually they just drift away or I do. A few years ago I found meetup and I joined a bunch of social groups and starting running one myself. Just so I could be around people even if they remain surface relationships some of them get deeper and some of them don't but I am learning a lot about myself by doing it. Also when I try to open up I am really afraid that I sound nuts but i have received really kind and supportive responses even from strangers..I think the only thing we can do is be ourselves and do what we are most comfortable with...I have tried that and I will keep doing so..just be honest and follow your own intuition about people..but don't give up.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome! :-)

 

[lovely.rabbit]

I think that you are doing better with social anxiety than i am for sure (so bravo to you for keeping battling your demons),
i cant make eye contact with people, i have a small 10 x 10 cabin with a wood stove and if i didnt have to get out and do stuff (i live off grid) i would never leave the house. i cant bear going to malls, ever the grocery store is hard for me.
only person i can stand around me is my boyfriend, his mom and his 4 year old, im very lucky to have them or id never be around people.

Just keep finding hobbies, go to clubs or meetings for those hobbies, and find people of the same mindset.
I discovered Dungeons and dragons and it helps get me out sometimes lol