xXDead_InsideXx
New Here
Hello my name is Alice,
I have had PTSD since the age off 15, Growing up with this illness, I found it hard to make friends because this illness was very misunderstood.
I am not your text book case off PTSD either, I was never in a war like Vietnam, and my PTSD over laps one off my other illnesses (schizophrenia) But I defiantly have PTSD Examples: I would have triggers that would remind me off my past, and I would be set off into a roller coaster off emotions. It was like I was numb to the world. As I was trapped in the past, watching the outside world race by me. While in my nightmares my abusers took their ture forums as the monsters of which they were.
Here is my story.
In Australia we are apparently the have the highest rate and worst stories off bullying in the world. To me it's not just bullying anymore it's all gotten criminal in schools, I am not joking either. For me in my case. I am was constantly being harassed with violent threats, about beaten raped and tortured, Some threats were that they wanted to decapitate me, put me in a wheel chair or re-arrange my face. At first it does not hit you hard, because your in that much shock, but as it goes on and on, you get scared, you wonder if it will happen and if it does how bad will it all be. Living in fear off not knowing what will happen or if you are even safe is torment in itself. But when a big group off people, All gang up on you making you believe you deserve all this violence to happen to you, through brain washing. About how much off a looser you are, it really does hurt.
It was mostly girls in this group off bullies so as most people know girls are very psychological with their streak off cruelness. So these threats never happened by they took pride in making sure I suffered mentally and emotionally. Guilt trips, and manipulating brain washing, to make me do what they wanted me to do. So I felt like I deserved to be hurt. That no one would care if these threats happened, And worst off all they made me feel that I had no right of law through a bunch off manipulation about what I did wrong ect.
Some off the stuff they use to say is hard to explain cause it really did not make any sense at all. But basically having that much hate and plans for revenge and torment aimed at me, while at the same time being made to feel like no one cared AT ALL, and I deserved it, JUST HURT A LOT! most off these people were meant to be my friends as well believe it or not. And oh boy they wronged me in other ways after this horrible experience ended. I did not have a stable home life at the time either, so I had no where to run! My mother was upset about money woes, so she took her stress out on me blaming me, which only aggravated my problems. Which tore us apart to which has not been healed to this day.
the worst thing about having PTSD is how my Schizophrenia over laps PTSD, in the way I get delusions about how bad it could have been it the threats happened, about it all happening all over again NOW, when I for once have good friends, let alone friends in my life. And the list goes on...
At 22 I still suffer, But I now have a better life though, I live out off home, I have a good network off like minded friends, who accept me for being insane, I live with my bf, And things acctually look better for me getting over my problems (No one can be perfect but I can always try lol)
That's my story, What a way to get to know someone, Thanks for accepting me on this site. I am glad to be here.
Love Alice.
I have had PTSD since the age off 15, Growing up with this illness, I found it hard to make friends because this illness was very misunderstood.
I am not your text book case off PTSD either, I was never in a war like Vietnam, and my PTSD over laps one off my other illnesses (schizophrenia) But I defiantly have PTSD Examples: I would have triggers that would remind me off my past, and I would be set off into a roller coaster off emotions. It was like I was numb to the world. As I was trapped in the past, watching the outside world race by me. While in my nightmares my abusers took their ture forums as the monsters of which they were.
Here is my story.
In Australia we are apparently the have the highest rate and worst stories off bullying in the world. To me it's not just bullying anymore it's all gotten criminal in schools, I am not joking either. For me in my case. I am was constantly being harassed with violent threats, about beaten raped and tortured, Some threats were that they wanted to decapitate me, put me in a wheel chair or re-arrange my face. At first it does not hit you hard, because your in that much shock, but as it goes on and on, you get scared, you wonder if it will happen and if it does how bad will it all be. Living in fear off not knowing what will happen or if you are even safe is torment in itself. But when a big group off people, All gang up on you making you believe you deserve all this violence to happen to you, through brain washing. About how much off a looser you are, it really does hurt.
It was mostly girls in this group off bullies so as most people know girls are very psychological with their streak off cruelness. So these threats never happened by they took pride in making sure I suffered mentally and emotionally. Guilt trips, and manipulating brain washing, to make me do what they wanted me to do. So I felt like I deserved to be hurt. That no one would care if these threats happened, And worst off all they made me feel that I had no right of law through a bunch off manipulation about what I did wrong ect.
Some off the stuff they use to say is hard to explain cause it really did not make any sense at all. But basically having that much hate and plans for revenge and torment aimed at me, while at the same time being made to feel like no one cared AT ALL, and I deserved it, JUST HURT A LOT! most off these people were meant to be my friends as well believe it or not. And oh boy they wronged me in other ways after this horrible experience ended. I did not have a stable home life at the time either, so I had no where to run! My mother was upset about money woes, so she took her stress out on me blaming me, which only aggravated my problems. Which tore us apart to which has not been healed to this day.
the worst thing about having PTSD is how my Schizophrenia over laps PTSD, in the way I get delusions about how bad it could have been it the threats happened, about it all happening all over again NOW, when I for once have good friends, let alone friends in my life. And the list goes on...
At 22 I still suffer, But I now have a better life though, I live out off home, I have a good network off like minded friends, who accept me for being insane, I live with my bf, And things acctually look better for me getting over my problems (No one can be perfect but I can always try lol)
That's my story, What a way to get to know someone, Thanks for accepting me on this site. I am glad to be here.
Love Alice.
