Hey all...I've waited a few months before posting in here, because I spent a lot of time reading what everyone else had to say. And the tears don't stop when I read all of your stories. I want to reach through the monitor and hug all of you going through what we are.
Here is my story. Its a long one, so I apologize.
Last August, I made the decision to divorce my almost ex-husband after 5 years of staying with him for my 2 young children's sake. He had cheated on me and I never recovered from it. I fell out of love with him and stayed just for the kids.
3 weeks later, the most amazing man walked into my life completely unexpectedly. He is a local firefighter in my town and I had taken my kids to this small fair where they had their ladder truck and gear for the kids climb up on and to try on. He was wonderful to my kids and adorably cute, but we never exchanged more than a "thank you" or smile. No names or anything. A few weeks later, his Fire Company (that I had liked on FB 3 years earlier) posted pics from that day and I posted on one of the pics thanking them for being so kind to my kids. I had a friend request relatively quickly and by the next day, we were talking on facebook. We talked and talked and texted and talked. Nonstop. Within a week and a half, we were telling each other we loved each other. We had told each other almost everything about ourselves.
I know that when he was in Iraq, he came home with PTSD and had 6 months of outpatient therapy in a local hospital. He also found out that his first love, a girl he had been with for a long time, had cheated on him the whole time he was gone. He also came home to his dad, stepmom and stepsister having moved across country from him. He did not speak to his mother, who was still in town. After that, he spent 4 years alone. He didn't need anyone or want anyone. He fooled around with girls and hung out with friends but didn't have any serious relationships at all. Until me. He told me he was scared because of the last time he fell in love and what happened. He kept worrying that I would leave someone who was better looking, or had more money or could give me more than he could.
Over the next few months, he would pull away from me and then come back. Each time, he started some random fight over a stupid accusation that made no sense or something I said or did...also which made no sense to cause a reaction like that. We NEVER fought in person, always through text. Together, or even on the phone, we are amazing together and never fight. It would be great for a month, then bad for 10 days, then great for 3 weeks, then bad for a week. We went away to Vegas together in January, it was amazing. 2 days after getting home, he accused me of lying about something I didn't lie about and we didn't see each other for 4 weeks. We spoke on and off during this time but didn't see each other until the start of March. Everything fell back into place and things were good until the 24th of march when it all fell apart again. Since then its been a mess. But he reaches out to me about things he'd only come to me about.
I know I'm focused on the bad here, but there is so much good. He's one of the best people I know but he doesn't think so. When my 4 year old talks about him, his face lights up. My son thinks he's a big deal. He says, "Tell him I'm not, because I'm not". or something along those lines. When we are together, I see the smile on his face and the happiness in his eyes. His friends have told me how he is when he talks about me, etc.
I keep reading I have to let him hit bottom before he'll get help again for his PTSD. My problem is, it hurts too much to watch him hit bottom, so I reach out a hand to save him before he gets there every time. Right now we aren't speaking. At. All. A few texts in the past 10 days and that's it. He keeps himself busy with work and the fire company and everyone keeps telling me he'll come back...but I don't know what to do when he does.
Please...any advice or support or I don't even know what. Just need to get this out to people who understand.
Here is my story. Its a long one, so I apologize.
Last August, I made the decision to divorce my almost ex-husband after 5 years of staying with him for my 2 young children's sake. He had cheated on me and I never recovered from it. I fell out of love with him and stayed just for the kids.
3 weeks later, the most amazing man walked into my life completely unexpectedly. He is a local firefighter in my town and I had taken my kids to this small fair where they had their ladder truck and gear for the kids climb up on and to try on. He was wonderful to my kids and adorably cute, but we never exchanged more than a "thank you" or smile. No names or anything. A few weeks later, his Fire Company (that I had liked on FB 3 years earlier) posted pics from that day and I posted on one of the pics thanking them for being so kind to my kids. I had a friend request relatively quickly and by the next day, we were talking on facebook. We talked and talked and texted and talked. Nonstop. Within a week and a half, we were telling each other we loved each other. We had told each other almost everything about ourselves.
I know that when he was in Iraq, he came home with PTSD and had 6 months of outpatient therapy in a local hospital. He also found out that his first love, a girl he had been with for a long time, had cheated on him the whole time he was gone. He also came home to his dad, stepmom and stepsister having moved across country from him. He did not speak to his mother, who was still in town. After that, he spent 4 years alone. He didn't need anyone or want anyone. He fooled around with girls and hung out with friends but didn't have any serious relationships at all. Until me. He told me he was scared because of the last time he fell in love and what happened. He kept worrying that I would leave someone who was better looking, or had more money or could give me more than he could.
Over the next few months, he would pull away from me and then come back. Each time, he started some random fight over a stupid accusation that made no sense or something I said or did...also which made no sense to cause a reaction like that. We NEVER fought in person, always through text. Together, or even on the phone, we are amazing together and never fight. It would be great for a month, then bad for 10 days, then great for 3 weeks, then bad for a week. We went away to Vegas together in January, it was amazing. 2 days after getting home, he accused me of lying about something I didn't lie about and we didn't see each other for 4 weeks. We spoke on and off during this time but didn't see each other until the start of March. Everything fell back into place and things were good until the 24th of march when it all fell apart again. Since then its been a mess. But he reaches out to me about things he'd only come to me about.
I know I'm focused on the bad here, but there is so much good. He's one of the best people I know but he doesn't think so. When my 4 year old talks about him, his face lights up. My son thinks he's a big deal. He says, "Tell him I'm not, because I'm not". or something along those lines. When we are together, I see the smile on his face and the happiness in his eyes. His friends have told me how he is when he talks about me, etc.
I keep reading I have to let him hit bottom before he'll get help again for his PTSD. My problem is, it hurts too much to watch him hit bottom, so I reach out a hand to save him before he gets there every time. Right now we aren't speaking. At. All. A few texts in the past 10 days and that's it. He keeps himself busy with work and the fire company and everyone keeps telling me he'll come back...but I don't know what to do when he does.
Please...any advice or support or I don't even know what. Just need to get this out to people who understand.
