Not sure if this belongs here.
On rare occasions I feel a bit more connected with other people. When I do, my T wants me to pursue deeper relationships. Unfortunately, I soon feel worse and it gets very difficult to communicate, so I don't want to manage a relationship on top of other stressors. The connection is easily lost and I forget that I know this person. This does not include effects of triggers.
Last time I was in a relationship I could not be there for my partner - I couldn't feel, care, be present though we spent time together. It was tough because I could see my partner cared about me and I could not reciprocate. At the time I did not know why. I can't find a way to get this through to my therapist. I don't believe a relationship can magically fix this, it magnifies these issues and yet my therapist keeps pushing it. Has anyone else been in this situation?
Is she pushing you to have a romantic relationship? Or just seek out connection and "friendships?" There is a drastic difference. Here is what I have discovered about connection and relationships along the way.
Essentially, I didn't know how to "connect" with people in a meaningful way partially because I wasn't even connected to myself. As well, I have always viewed people as temporary, just passing by so don't get attached. Low and behold I am figuring out that possibly there are better ways than to block myself off from the world. Its kind of lonely out there on your own. Its likely I am much older than you, almost 50 here which seems impossible, and I am married, which also seems impossible. My marriage at this point is bc we have a child. I am sure he feels the same way. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have married him. I thought I could "fix" him. He has a lot of issues physically and mentally. The difference between he and I is that I grew emotionally and he chose to stay put. In that growth, I did find out that its ok to let "some" people in. Therapy is a real relationship. If you are paired with the right therapist, it is a good way to dip your toe in the water and try it out. Ask a lot of questions and figure out how to navigate relationships. Not every person you meet do you need to form a relationship with. Its ok to realize that someone may not be a fit. Move on, but don't not have any because one person didn't fit. Not every time I grill salmon to eat is it perfect, but that doesn't stop me from making it again bc at the end of the day when it does come out perfect, it makes me feel good. Keep grilling... talk about HOW to have relationships, the varying degrees of relationships, deep connection with some people and superficial with others. I don't tell my life story to my friends. In the beginning it was bc I was ashamed and I thought they wouldn't like me. I hadn't dealt with my past or done enough in therapy to integrate what happened and have any peace with it at all. Now, I realize I don't NEED to tell them my entire story bc it is a small part of who I am as a whole. My deep friends know I have anxiety, know I have clear boundaries and need space sometimes. They don't question or judge, they just know its me. I surface by saying, "thanks for letting me have some crazy time..." They alway respond with overwhelming support and some quip about their crazy life too... those are the lifers and the women I am so grateful to have in my life. In their moments, I WANT to be there and share support bc I feel a connection. I learned this from 2 crazy awesome therapists that helped me figure it out. I was sure they would leave, kick me to the curb, fire me, get sick of my BS, but they were able to share ideas that helped me learn how to connect when I felt too much shame to even connect to myself.
Singularly the most important lesson I have learned in all my years of therapy.... learning how to connect with other people. It has changed my direction on even my healing journey. I hope you will talk more with your therapist about this and ask them more questions about the subject.... Best wishes.
