My t is taking a sabbatical and i'm devastated!

[Justmehere]

When I allow it it feels like what I'm going through is way worse than what anyone else could experience. Do you think that's a common thought?

Very common.

 

[Scarlet13]

Ok so having a maternal transference to your therapist is not unhealthy or abnormal or dysfuntional. I have talked about this in depth with both my psychologist and psychiatrist and it is normal, common, and can even be a catalyst for deep work. This is only with a relational T who wants to and is trained to work with maternal transference.
Maternal transference can be oh so painful because through the transference you can feel all the bs your mother put you through, which sucks but it can be a mechanism to work through the trauma. There are so many other ways to work through trauma and manage symptoms that can involve transference or dont have to. It is just who you work with and what you personally choose for healing. So having the m transference is not in itself unhealthy, it is just a marker, a sign post. It is unhealthy when it begins to eat you up inside or cause obsession (so when it is doing more harm than good).
I have researched how to heal from a narcissistic mother and the research says to deliberately find an older, female T.
All of these feelings for your T are real and not real at the same time. Two opposite things can exist together. So you feel abandoned. You feel like the earth has turned its back on you. You will never trust again. You feel anger at your T and then guilt because of the anger. And it is all so terrible and confusing. That is the mother truth. The voice of the mother pain. It is not unhealthy. It is just pain from a mother that abandoned you and psychologically abused you over and over. But there is that other truth. The truth that your T is not your mother. That she was your doctor and she helped you. That you were in treatment together that involved attachment as a part of the treatment. And now you cannot see her for 6 mos. That seems like a long time, but the door is still open to see her again. You don't want to think about finding someone else, but it could really help. My psychiatrist (whom I was really attached to) left for 3 mos and then raised her prices so I could not see her for therapy at all. I always knew I could not keep seeing a psychiatrist anyways for therapy, but it was devastating. So I found a T specializing in trauma and that is all we talked about for awhile. I then developed a maternal attachment to her. But I always try to keep that second perspective. I am her client. She is giving me a service and I have symptoms. I accept, appreciate, and work with the maternal feelings by grounding myself in the reality of the actual situation. I do get confused and full of pain, though, but that is the risk I am willing to take.
I wonder if it would help to mourn the loss (temporary) of the mother while also looking critically at the situation of your health and your needs. Find a new T, get a referral. He or she will not be a replacement, but can help you NOW with all the pain. You might not even need your online T anymore.
The other thing to think about is the idea of mothering yourself. This can help immensely now and also if you get another maternal transference again. Looking at your health and getting a new qualified doctor is an act of being a mother. Imagine what you would want the most amazing mother to do for you, then do that for yourself.