Childhood My teachers knew something was wrong

[Deleted member 8714]

My teachers knew something was wrong with me. They wrote notes on my report cards from kindergarten through sixth grade. When I went to school, grade school started in kindergarten and stopped with sixth grade. Every semester, so two times a year, each teacher would write on my report card, commenting on my behavior.

• Extremely shy
• Painfully shy
  
• Fails to interact with other children
• Keeps to herself
• Unable to play with others
• Withdrawn
• Won't engage
  
• Plays well by herself
• Too quiet
• Has made few friends
• Doesn't listen or seem to understand instructions
• Not paying attention

And much more.

When I first began remembering what happened to me, I sent away for copies of all of my report cards from kindergarten onward through senior high school. The comments shocked me. While I remembered being shy as a child, I didn't remember being painfully shy and so withdrawn. The most telling were in grade school. Still comments in junior high school were equally telling.

And then there were the grades. A whole other story. I averaged B's down to C minuses and lower throughout junior high and senior high school. There were some D's as well. I had very few A's, mostly in art, writing, and music in junior and senior high school.

Only one teacher and the grade school principal ever noticed something was wrong me. They both show me compassion and kindness. The fifth grade teacher engaged me in all kinds of things to draw me out of shell. These two men were my lighthouses in a very dark childhood.

Anybody else have proof from teachers that they noticed something was wrong?

 

[jaccat]

Yep, and doctors, but nothing ever happened because of it. They were kind enough, and one of two went out of their way to be nice to me.

I like to think things have changed since then and more notice is taken when children show such warning signs. Don't know if that's really true though.

 

[Sweetleaf]

I have the opposite perspective for you. My childhood wasn't perfect (alcoholic dad, parents divorced), but I wouldn't consider it traumatic.

I'm an elementary school teacher, currently working as a substitute since I can't handle working full time (or even working) at the moment. I have seen a lot of kids who behaved in such ways, but until reading this thread I didn't really think of the fact they might have been traumatized, at least for the ones who were in regular classrooms.

I will say this: I have worked in a special type of classroom in the past. The class sizes tended to be anywhere from 5-7 kids or so, with at least two other adults working in the room. It was for kids with extreme behavioral issues. Elementary school kids who would do things like throw chairs, desks, freak out really easily, hit other kids, etc. Not all of them were violent (would keep things verbal if they got mad), but all of them were incapable of functioning in a normal classroom due to their behavior. Generally speaking they all had problems paying attention, as well. Many of them had known trauma histories, and it definitely showed in the things they would say and do. For example, they curse regularly, with some pretty advanced adult cursing phrases too, not curses you typically see among children. The goal was to help them learn the right skills to deal with their anger issues and other issues that prevent them from functioning in a normal classroom, and hopefully eventually get them into a regular classroom.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

There was a guidance counsellor who took an interest in me when I was in grade 7. She let me hang out with her in her office when I couldn't deal with my classes. She was really progressive, and tested my iq near the start of our relationship. I didn't discuss my situation with her, but she didn't need any details to know that I was deeply troubled, and she sensed that my problems at school were a result of abuse in my home. She went toe-to-toe with my science teacher (who scared the shit out of me) and my vice principal more than once on my behalf, and she saved me from detentions and straps.

That was the only time I felt like someone had my back. I'm sure she's dead now, but she holds a place in my heart still.

 

[Ann]

My teachers knew something was wrong with me. They wrote notes on my report cards from kindergarten t...

I've never seen those old notes and can't imagine they'd still exist, but I do remember being painfully shy, unable to express myself, a frozen child. A second grade teacher contributed to the trauma; she was a bully and I was afraid. I was sent to a school psychiatrist who had me draw pictures, and gave me his card to take home -- so I suspect somebody suspected something. But nobody ever talked to me. I was choking inside, and dissociated, became invisible even to myself. There are too many children like this.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I got the same comments from teachers on my report cards as you Congruency, they always said I needed to speak up, voice my opinion etc. I hated drawing attention to myself and was a really quite child. Had just one friend as a young child at school. Was wary of everyone except him. I don't still have the report cards. Don't have the ones from teen years either which said pretty much t he same stuff, must speak up, must contribute etc. I never followed their advice. Just too scared and didn't want any attention. I ripped those teen ones up and threw my old school tie in the bin, wanted to burn it all.

 

[illusionist]

Yes, school knew. Had been told by older brothers. What went on behind the scenes, I will never know.

I do remember a teacher taking a great interest in me, and with hindsight, I'm certain she was encouraging me to speak. I remember trying to get the words out, but the fear of speaking up was too overpowering. I remember the tears trickling down my face as she told me I was safe with her. Will always remember Mrs Rasmussen and how close I was to speaking up.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

I've never seen those old notes and can't imagine they'd still exist

@Ann I went to elementary school in the 1950s and 1960s and didn't request my records until 1988/89. They were on microfilm stored at the main office of the Los Angeles County School System. So it is possible to get them.

Will always remember Mrs Rasmussen and how close I was to speaking up.

Yes, I still remember my principal's name, Dr. Adam, and my fifth grade teacher's name, Mr. Flacks. It's interesting how I can remember those two names. They both made such a difference in my life and played a bigger role in my healing than they'll ever know. I learned compassion and caring from them as my parents and father were incapable of showing me those things.

@Tibergrace My husband taught elementary classes usually 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades in a private school in California. He had all of the kids who acted out in his classes. They would come to him and disclose the horrible abuses going on in their families. That was back in the 1970s.

In junior high school, I'd write pretty morbid poetry and prose and got called on it by one teacher. She wanted me to write something beautiful. I wanted to write about what I still remembered happened to me before I buried it all inside of me for another 21 years.

 

[illusionist]

@Congruency ......you have brought back a memory!.....remember for my higher English exam we were given a sentence along the lines of.....I was walking and couldn't think how I got here, had to look back. I wrote about my abuse experiences, as we were told to write what we know about by our English teacher.....I spewed so much on that paper. Wonder if the examiner realised what they were reading?

 

[illusionist]

Wonder if teachers realised that my daily diary contained total fantasy? Remember struggling to write normal things.....even at a young age. I suppose I wrote what I wanted....kisses, cuddles, bedtime stories and food.